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Sunday, May 13, 2012

@ home behind the sun...

I recently decided to remove the blog from the Blue Chip website and also remove Blue Chip from the title here as well.  I think I was feeling too much pressure (from myself) to keep it fitness related... and that was beginning to bore me a little.

Do I still want to write about what goes on in the gym and yoga room?  Do I still want to write about the amazing people I meet everyday?  Definitely. 

But I went away a couple weeks and had some time to read and think... actually alot of reading and alot of thinking.  I would wake up and go for a run and try to spend as much time as possible just sitting with my own thoughts and reading.  Something I've had very little time to do lately and I could feel it.  I started writing very randomly and it felt great.  Felt great that no one was even looking at me wondering "why that weirdo is carrying around that note pad, randomly scribbling."   On the Blue site, it felt like someone was reading over my shoulder sometimes and I felt Iahd to keep it real clean and safe... and I dont want to write like that anymore.  Its not very fun.  :) 

What I wrote...


I think I'm going to rename the blog... actually rename the old name.  @ home behind the sun.
I actually rolled my eyes at the sun today...
"Oh you again?  Alright then, lets get on with it."

I dont need a 24/7 life-attack-dog.  But I do need people who know when to attack life... "people," who know when to rip off your clothes and jump on in because the water is perfect and this could be it.  not irresponsibly, but knowing when... not pumping the breaks with fear of ruining your hair or concerned with a shower.

Went for a run... and a waiter from a resort started running alongside me... said "where are we going?"  I motioned down to a building down the beach.  He laughed and said "see you tomorrow," and it made me think... we all need to give more.  WE make life worth living.  WE need to give more of ourselves to each other.

The irony in vacations is that we actually have the effort to make time to do the things we should be making time to do anyway.  This week I worked out, ran, had a nice time going through some yoga, meditated, read two books and started writing.  Other than time with my daughters, these things should be top on my "to-do," list every week. 
Instead... most of us are plagued with pressure and work and other bullshit time fillers like television, or iphones, or the internet... not to go all hippy and tell you turn them off but... damn they soak up our time and drain our brains.

In most of our minds, we need busy schedules and busy lives to keep us far away from whats really important... ourselves.  We're hiding.
We take prescirption drugs, drink alcohol and other drugs to fade our thoughts... in an attempt to ease the stress or the pains.  When we really the exact opposite.Think of how we got over our fears... we go through them... we experience them.  When you were a kid and the closet or shadow or under the bed were some of the scariest thoughts imaginable... we turned on the light, and the fear was gone.  Think of our physical strength... the only way to get stronger is to expose the weakness.... then they dissolve.   So we dont need prescriptions or vodkas or drugs to fix our minds or hearts.  We need to turn the light on and open the door, to our weaknesses... and allow ourselves to become what we truly are.

We are not our surroundings but we allow oursleves to immitate.

I need to build a cooler Facebook page for the people I work with...

MySpace offered a cooler set up...

 3 guys w/ everything in common... prefrat boy, frat boy, post frat boy.

Seeing alot of really nice tattoos here... but double in cheesy/wish i was cool or 22 again style tattoos.  those = One very boring tattoo on the upper arm so you can hide from friends and co-workers.  Thats for guys only.  Women can have any tattoo and its probably amazing.

Went for a workout...
Got bored so I ran...
Got bored so I stripped and swam...

"Let the oceans... dissolve way my mask."

Have you stopped asking yourself... "who am I?"   "Why am I here?"

And on Wednesday... the Americans arrived!  There goes vacation.  Things very quickly went from a week of peace and quiet and relaxation to a very annoying frat party.  And not a good frat either.  This is a very lame frat where 100% has some obnoxious nickname and its cool to scream for Kenny Chesney to the foreign DJ who clearly isnt taking requests.   What was once a pool view of couples lounging, drinking mojitos and margaritas is now a landscape of crooked baseball hats and bud light beer.  Ironically, Im glad they came... it strongly reinforces my desire to vacation away from a resort.  This group defintely would not dare to get a hotel anywhere there could be danger in rudely reqesting "save a horse, ride a cowboy."  Theyre here because its safe... and all the sudden I dont like my hotel anymore.  Ive been in sun for some time now and have had quite a few Pina Colados... I could be a few coronas away from really "american-izing," this situation and slapping the texan that wont stop screaming "Hey Amigo!  Play american country!" in the face with a pool side lounge chair. 

I seriously considered asking hotel mgmt to let me run a 7am Boot on the Beach!  But after witnessing several of the fitness classes offered... I think I'd probably kill someone.  Be proud NE Ohio!  Imagine the "Matrix Workout," in 80 degree Mexican heat.. Not many would enjoy that here and Ive been told the Mexican justice system isnt very fast... I might miss my plane.

Ive seen 200 people at the MetroParks this year... 2 hellos
Here.... 100% hellos and all smiles.

4 and 6 packs are great... but if it sticks out past your chest... we'll have to discuss this.  

If your eon vacation wiring random observations in a notebook... you might have a serious mental problem....

We've never had more ways to communicate at our fingers... yet we feel more alone than ever.

The blog needs to come off Blue Chip

Blue Chip needs to do more... offer more... give more... get more people involved... give it away.

We are what we consume... food, drink, watch, read, internet, music, conversations, relationships...

... is the path "right," enough to dissolve the "wrong?"

"home," needs to become ALIVE again.

Happiness is not a $500,000 home...
...not a fancy car
...not an extravagant vacation
...you cant buy it

religion is inside us.
you god is inside you.

wake up.  be mindful.  be happy.

Time to start blowing some extra cash on live music...
Time to find some extra cash.

I'm in deep shit when Vedder, Stipe, Harper and Bono pass on one day...

(found a page that was apparently my coaster for some time... cant read it all.  Something about Ben Harper not being human)

Considering the number of people at this resort... I know exactly who is from Texas and Jersey... because theyre completely obnoxious and yell where theyre from.  no clue why theyre proud.

"to the universe, i dont mean a thing."

35 is suddenly feeling experienced... rahter than late or old.  Ironically, I could say 35 is the half way point as easy as I sid it at 20... yet even though my new outlook has relieved some stress and anxiety, I still say 40 or bust.  40 is too old to gamble.

i had a dream last night about a fitness center that writes a presciption for what you need....
I remember seeing the gym.... I climbed over a wall where people were doing pilates and started talking to someone in charge... he knew who i was but i didnt know him.   he was checking people in.  i asked where they were headed... he said "1-4 are headed to yoga, want to get them started?"  and he handed me their daily schedule.
made me think of blue chip... and where it currently is... maybe not that different.maybe that dream could be closer than i thought.

The life that leaves me very little room or time to breathe... is the life i need to survive.  what i do, is exactly what i want to be doing.  create & serve... its that simple.  so many great things on the horizon... so many great people around me... i wonder if they can tell...

follow the music.

Nice try Amigo!  Frontier Arilines doesnt have first class!!!   wish I wouldve known that when the 20 year old at the check in desk tried selling me an "upgrade," for $20.... cash only.  hahaha I can smell home already!

Went out for one last run... hit SHUFFLE... Big Sun by Eddie Vedder... toooo perfect.

breathe deep and smile