I have a little routine I look for before sitting down to poke away here.  Usually involving some Alpha Brain, water,  and some Hendrix.  Today its "Electric Ladyland."  I watched a little bit of The Doors movie yesterday, and it's much cheesier than I remember.  When I was 19, that movie was perfection.  Now its kind of clunky and cheesy.... one of us changed.

  I may have my phone out early to overlook some notes I've taken since my last writing session.  As I work through the days, I watch things, think things and take notes to expand on later, moments like now.  Then I put the phone away so I'm not distracted by texts or random crap on social media... as I check my phone for texts one more time.

Where to begin...
  I've had an interesting view this season.  I'm obsessed with witnessing human development.  It would probably be an issue for me if I didn't have some Buddhist blood funneling through me.  I say that because it's distracting and I often watch and daydream about "their," life and minds.  The Buddhism whispers "Come back here," and I smile and let the thoughts fade.

  I was at dinner last night and watched little baby Sawyer (niece) play with her food and make faces, not many noises, but such a content, happy soul (I'm not there if there's any crying at 2am, so I'm one of the people that can enjoy the highlights).  But I watch these babies and think of how this is there expression of now.  All of their needs and wants and anything that needs expressed, its all right there for us to read or attempt to... and it's really mind blowing to think of.   To go from nothing.. to chance.. to a fertilized egg... to birth and then a rocket ship of stimulation and education and expression and experiences.  What's learned from birth to 2, from 2 to 6, from 6 to 12 on and on...  I think it's pretty heavy.  I was at a birthday party, earlier in the day yesterday, many 1-3 year olds and it was different but the same.  Thee can now communicate with us a little easier, but they're not afraid.  Or afraid in the sense i mean.  Yes, a kid pulled my leg thinking it was his dad and when I looked down, a diaper may have been filled quickly, but not afraid in terms of expression.
Look at it like this:  How many people do you know who actually live in fear?  You may think none or that you're not one.  Are you afraid to express yourself?  Are you afraid to experience?  Are you afraid of growth, change, stimulation?  Challenge?  Failure?

A 4 year sees a jungle gym and attacks... we might be worried about falling or failing.  

  Then I see my daughters, now 10 and 12.  How they've accelerated to their current stage blows my mind.  They are light years ahead of who I was at 10 or 12.

  Then I see the guys at the school, between 15-18 and who they are, what they do, how they operate through their phase.  Again, light years past who I was.

  20's-30's, are we "adults, yet?  40's, 50's, work and savings and vacations and operating life.

  Then spending time in all these hospitals and ICU's and rehab centers...
From babies to

  I hope you get a chance one day to just witness.  Imagine you're not even here, sit back and watch a baby, watch kids play, watch your relatives, watch people in a gym or a mall, watch growth, watch the circle.

  Be useful, be helpful.  If you're around kids of any age, understand you're in a position to help grow someone.  And your influence will either be an assistance, helpful and useful or the opposite.  You can hurt growth and brain function.  I mean brain function, literally, and not by a drug or exterior chemical.  Negative conversations or planting negative seeds in a young ones mind can be very damaging.  Most people dont even realize how damaging they can be, or how damaged they already are because of someone else that entered your life at a young age and said or did something that effected you.  Pretty wild, right?  You may have a particular hang up, maybe you cant keep a boyfriend or you quit things, and you've said "I suck at ____," or "I'm just not good at ____," but the root is found in something that effected you, that shaped you.  Good chance it can be undone.   But if you dont know what it is, you wont know where it is, and you wont be able to dig it out and throw it away.
At work, w/ kids, family, or a stranger, be kind, be useful, be helpful.



  I haven't mentioned it much but I've been working fairly strong on a keto based plan since the new year.  Aside from a 5-7 day issue that I blame a little Vegas vacation for, its been rock solid.  One thing I've probably noticed more than anything, and I might be making it up, but my brain is definitely not sluggish and its made me afraid for sugars more than ever.  I literally dont want any shit food, not because not physical reason, but I just dont want a slow, sluggish brain.  More than anything else.  I've found this bizarre little wave of very clear thinking and focus and calm and I really think a donut might scatter those connections (obviously not fully, literally but still).  Really attaches to my point up top, where I mentioned obsessed with human development, I probably meant it more on a neuro level than anything else.  How brain cells interact and chemicals release per x experience or other chemical... truly amazing.  Even in our own interaction, non-verbal cues and how the brain processes in the subconscious... unreal.  The subconscious is really what amazes me most.  Probably why I find so much pleasure in reading about the things I enjoy.
   But excellent nutrition, movement like running, yoga, circuit training, probably even branches of martial arts (I couldn't speak to it, just from what they say), experiences and growth, meditation or moments of (we have them more than we know), moments of spiritual questioning or searching than finding peace... a grounding in hedonism, but do no harm... journey... these things I listed, write your story.  And don't let it be a check list of the basic Life To-Do's.  Go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, go to work, retire, die.  Don't bullshit around, I know people who have virtually no story but that.
  I truly believe in order to find nirvana or enlightenment, you have to operate life in  certain direction and the path is to move your body in a very strenuous way often.  I think you have to run hard sometimes.  I think you have to sweat your face off in a yoga room.  I think you have to have control of what goes into your mouth (is it helping you or hurting you?  Do you even know?)  I think you have to travel and experience weird shit.  I think you have to see nature in the purest form you possibly can.  I think you have to fail, get dumped, get fired and fuck things up when you're young.  You have to learn.  I think you have to search for the holy spirit, whatever it may be to you and dive into yourself.  Find pleasures.  Do things that feel really good.
Because we go from babies to kids to "adults," (which is older kids), to a little older kids, to checking the clock, really fast.  And the time we have to feel, to live, to love something, to go somewhere amazing... it's limited.  We might be 90, we might be 60, and you'll never know.
Get rid of your debt, get rid of anything that holds you back and go have some fun.

(You should know by now, anything I write is directed at myself as well.  People often think I direct these towards someone or a group, but I think thats only because these posts are much more universal than we know... which is for an entirely different blog entry one day).