tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57153766763318122062024-03-13T12:38:39.602-07:00@ home behind the sun...Random entries on observations throughout the fitness world and other relevant encounters.
I'm not above or below, I'm with you.Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comBlogger252125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-31373706512634313592023-12-20T09:42:00.000-08:002023-12-22T06:06:27.752-08:00Investment <p> </p><p class="MsoNormal">Investment<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was working, half listening to a random podcast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you’re doing that, you're not fully
paying attention but buzz words or energy in their voice can make you tune in
tighter or rewind because you knew you missed something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was nothing monumental, but I heard the
host say “that’s a good investment of time,” and it made me pause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I paused my work, paused the episode and closed my door to
give this a moment to think about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A good investment of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I think we’ve heard hundreds of analogies and lessons of
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time flies, take your time, use
your time wisely, time waits for no one, and one of my favorites – Men talk of
killing time, while Time slowly kills them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The thought of Time can feel like a Steven Pressfield
book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pressfield wrote about Resistance
(“The War of Art”) as an energy, a noun, a figure, a person to overcome disguised
as a friend pulling you off target.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time
has that quality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can use it, speed
it up, slow it down, but as the podcaster said, you invest it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Time and current, Time is money might be the closest 1-1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask anyone any hospice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think they wouldn’t trade all of their purchases
for more time?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the thing we want
and need more of and we cannot create it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We invest it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like
investments, some are short term, some are along term.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some pay off asap, some years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some may never pay off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some keep cashing in years after we’ve turned
to dust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think of the ancient philosophers
who basically still live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They invested
time, wrote their path, and their influence is felt for hundreds of years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They may not be here to reap any rewards but
the investment continues to roll.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How about hitting the gym?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You go one day, you don’t see any results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You go a week, maybe even a month, you don’t see
any results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like small deposits
into a retirement account, you don’t see the interest accumulating in 30 days,
right? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It takes Time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Months, years, consistency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The gym is that investment and it pays off in
the long run for those who invest and much more than a flex or ability to press
140lb dumbbells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It pays with mental
growth and the stamina to get after hard, long work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The discipline to keep showing up when you don’t
feel like it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are additional attributes
you build and obtain via the investment.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How about your education and skills? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only supreme outliers are born with high
level ability, and I bet even most of those had a unique upbringing that one way
or another supported growth to be who they became.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So how are you investing in your job
skills?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it a weekend clinic?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is a weekend enough?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it a degree?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it on the job training?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you investing appropriately?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Giving all you can or you making minimum
deposits?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re not putting forth a worthy
investment, odds of a big pay are greatly limited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You get out of it, what you put into
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And thinking of that… <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How about relationships?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I bet this is the hard one for people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can get a pretty good idea that degree X will result in job Y and salary
Z, but what exactly is the “pay day,” in relationships?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do we invest?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe this is where you can sit and think how
I did, about time and how you can invest in relationships, because one way or
another, they will pay off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If its
good, you both/all reap the benefits, but one way or another, there will be
benefits (something to learn).<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So how do you use your time?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Playing games, watching TV and talking
about people?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or do you read, workout,
study life, spend time w people you care about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you lose hours staring at a phone or do
you spend hours hanging out w an old friend?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you spend quality time with your husband/wife or are you on auto-pilot
(time flies)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Di you build skill, grow,
adjust and adapt or are you stuck and stuck playing victim to the attacker you
have narrated Life to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Since I was very young, I had a weird awareness to
Time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always knew it was fading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s what made me “weird,” and that weird has
made me different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That difference is
why my conversations are different than most you have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am 100% aware every day that the next
drive, the next cold, the next doctors, the next workout, the next talk, the
next run, the next season, the next meal, the next anything could be the last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It never leaves me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of this, things can burn a little
hotter and the dark can get a little darker, “there aint gonna be a middle
anymore.” <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s all an investment, invest properly<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">*Excuse any spelling/grammar issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wrote this on a small phone with XXL
thumbs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfvObwXIfm306QIRfve6RCz34kzyO9Q4pgyFK8BlOHJWT2jIWkCq3PfZuMCc7cIUK_1vG4VbQPiXfi5U_AOC1cdtebP59s1rPITNET2gr_Z3JvycyEl3VGbzWTBCviHMJqKBm3Ndw9MGGAEDxSmPc2cam5xDt9uo5HwJj8LljklJLa8lQvvhz6NGoQ36Y/s1500/youre-going-to-pay-a-price-for-every-bloody-thing-.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="1000" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfvObwXIfm306QIRfve6RCz34kzyO9Q4pgyFK8BlOHJWT2jIWkCq3PfZuMCc7cIUK_1vG4VbQPiXfi5U_AOC1cdtebP59s1rPITNET2gr_Z3JvycyEl3VGbzWTBCviHMJqKBm3Ndw9MGGAEDxSmPc2cam5xDt9uo5HwJj8LljklJLa8lQvvhz6NGoQ36Y/w266-h400/youre-going-to-pay-a-price-for-every-bloody-thing-.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br /><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span><p></p>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-20750961212354425992023-08-20T10:01:00.002-07:002023-08-20T10:01:20.895-07:00Randoms on the fly <p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Years ago I wrote about voting and how we vote w dollars everyday.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Over the last couple years, that idea is clear to everyone (ie Bud Light, Target, etc).</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But you also vote in daily action. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What you eat is a “vote,” for good health or bad health. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you exercise? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>That was a vote. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you call your mom? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you take care of things you’re responsible for taking care of? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>You voted for how much you care about those people w a yes or no. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you slack off at work? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Did you throw a coworker under the bus? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>You just voted for or against the culture.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you drink enough water?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you take care of yourself? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>People are counting on you so you’re ready when they need you. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Vote properly. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you spend good time w people you care for? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you give thanks? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you help anyone? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Did you at least fulfill your basic requirements?</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Were you kind? </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What are you “voting,” for?</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">—-</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on people to drive the speed limit, or really close to it. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>If it’s 35, we’re counting on 33-43 as normal. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on people to park between the lines as best as possible. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on people in customer service to be of service and assist. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on refs to know the rules of the game and make sure they’re followed. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on police to enforce the law. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on leaders to lead. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on people to be honest. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on people to do the job they agreed to do. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on people to “fill in the blank,” of the atmosphere, the space where you write “I will do this because role calls for it,” and it’s done. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We count on infinite variables like this all day and night. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You signed up for x, you better be x. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>If you’re not, can you try harder and become it? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">If not, don’t drive at all, don’t work in customer service, don’t sign up for work over your head, don’t bother w any of it if you’re not willing to produce as the role you signed to produce under. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You’re just letting people down. </span></p>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-61935510617755406672023-07-09T18:58:00.001-07:002023-07-09T18:58:08.494-07:00Lex/Jordan Posts Over the past couple years, the message from others to me - either directly or indirect - has been "chill." <div>"Stop taking shit so seriously." </div><div>"Maybe not everyone wants to know these things." </div><div>"Maybe people just want to be happy and not see that." </div><div><br /></div><div>Covid may have cranked it all up a notch, but it still is what it is. And I never felt any benefit from keeping the dark in the dark. So I wanted to share on here a few videos from time to time on this platform, same videos I like to share on the Blue Chip FB page with some context and clarification. </div><div><br /></div><div>---</div><div><br /></div><div>I went to the doc recently... I sat down, she asked "Are you in any pain?" Seems simple enough, but A) I'm very used to saying no, but then B) also felt this is a doc, maybe I should be honest, so I nodded and said "yeah." She asked "How much pain?" I laughed and said "Normal pain." </div><div><br /></div><div>I was in another atmosphere getting some "work," done, and was asked "Are you depressed?" This one paused me for a moment mostly because its not an everyday type question... Casually, I said "sure." She asked "Why? What about?" I laughed and said "I'm paying attention to the world." Normal depression. </div><div>---</div><div>We've heard songs and thought "wow, that's <i>my</i> song." </div><div>That's how this podcast feels. The back and forth between Jordan and Lex feels like sitting with two good friends having a great time. </div><div>One of my favorite quotes starts this off, "Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster, and if gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." I remember when I first listened to this episode, I was sitting at JT's Diner having lunch, and when Lex read this, I had to pause the player. The way he read it and the moment I was having, it really hit me. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster."</div><div>Have you ever "battled monsters?" Did it bring something out of you, you didn't know you had? Another side? </div><div>Its a real challenge to "battle," and not change. And to battle actual monsters, which there are, there really are, you have to be careful. I think we've all tip toed this line, the only difference between us was the "monster." </div><div>How dark did we have to go to secure a righteous outcome? </div><div>Did the ends justify the means? </div><div>And did you become the monster in the process? </div><div><br /></div><div>Jordan responds, "Bring it on. If you gave into the abyss long enough you see the light and not the darkness." </div><div>I think this line was somehow installed into me young. </div><div>I'm comfortable w darkness and "diving into the deep end of the pool," and I think for a really good reason. (See last <a href="https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9om3lKZCE1c" target="_blank">video</a> at the bottom of this entry for more on that).</div><div>Without the ability to see in the dark, how would we find everyone? </div><div>Even this entry as is, or a conversation that may follow it, illuminates bits of the pieces of the darkness. And the more willing we are, the more of us there are, the more assistance is available. </div><div>If I didn't know depression the way I do, I couldn't have those conversations. And then when I do, when we do, something lights up. And if the torch catches fire, that's now strength that can be passed to help add more light and light another torch to light another torch. </div><div>the relationship with pain, depression, the darkness is needed (this is me, you have your thing), </div><div>and I think crucial to knowing your self. It all hits us. No one is immune to these emotions. The better you are at recognizing the emotion, able to ull its mask off and say "ah, its just you again... nice try," because again, the darkness can be lit. </div><div>This rolls into the next video which was from the same podcast. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QAbJO-yVBFo" width="320" youtube-src-id="QAbJO-yVBFo"></iframe></div><br /><div style="text-align: right;">Not sure if the video works first or my words. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWIMptHE51Tn_zrPSOKzBpmmguFFc4e6nlaWmNEX-fvT48pzyvADu8vCqqu6JJ-lhRqDsgufjSA0kVtv5fR5g4z4aI4dKij5fde4wFR-lbYBScxIz5RCQEF4yKnAkN3LzbJoAz6kqWoaXcY_hz_e3nLZB4i7Y22Jxn5LIXgpVV5LkV_eRpS1OsjszH61Y/s327/download%20(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="154" data-original-width="327" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWIMptHE51Tn_zrPSOKzBpmmguFFc4e6nlaWmNEX-fvT48pzyvADu8vCqqu6JJ-lhRqDsgufjSA0kVtv5fR5g4z4aI4dKij5fde4wFR-lbYBScxIz5RCQEF4yKnAkN3LzbJoAz6kqWoaXcY_hz_e3nLZB4i7Y22Jxn5LIXgpVV5LkV_eRpS1OsjszH61Y/s320/download%20(2).jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>---</div><div><br /></div><div>Short video, around 90 secs. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/T5aL-trOaQ0" width="320" youtube-src-id="T5aL-trOaQ0"></iframe></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Sometimes your gaze can be forcefully directed towards the abyss," and "the more its voluntary the more transformative it is."<br /></div><div>For me, what comes to mind first were the words awareness and maturity. A handful of others fall into the maturity bucket like preparation.</div><div>I think these words because my moms death is the driver on this one for me, not the video, but a new darkness. </div><div>Because of her poor health history, I knew any day could be the day. Just never knew. That's a challenging thought to sit with for 15-20 years. So when it happened, I buckled in because I knew it was going to be a new ride. I think that's the difference between forcefully directed," and "voluntary." </div><div>Jordan says "Do not hide unwanted things in the fog." This goes for emotions as well. The fog will eventually rise and the thing you hid, will be exposed. You can bring it out now and handle it.... or not a suffer longer. </div><div>And still crying doesn't mean "unhealed." </div><div><br /></div><div>Which leads into below... </div><br /><div>---</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9om3lKZCE1c" width="320" youtube-src-id="9om3lKZCE1c"></iframe></div><br /><div>I'd like to write it out... <span> </span><span> I wrote that and didn't know why....<span> </span><span> I think because posting a video, I send it out there with people in mind, but... did it hit the target? <span> Maybe as a me to you, maybe as "I see you," maybe as "the lights still on." </span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span>I was trying to tell you how to avoid the road to hell.. and I wasn't shaking my finger at you and I didn't think I was a moral authority.. I didn't wan you to burn. </span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span>----</span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span>Bring the dark to light. </span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span>Heavy conversations need to happen. With no fear. No "single serving," conversations, no value meals. Take a seat and turn off the phones. </span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span>I'm lucky I have a few guys I can sit with. Not everyone has that but we all need it. </span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br />Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-61752464210589867412023-06-07T08:34:00.000-07:002023-06-07T08:35:28.500-07:0046 ProofI was watching a video a few years ago where a neuro doc was detailing how kids brains develop. He talked about the different levels that process and develop as we age and why certain ages are actually slightly more profound than others <div>(Break. Writing this free… no format or filter… sitting in an airport w 90 minutes… had a thing on my mind to shed, so I needed music to help black out the noise of the airport. The irony of Release being song #1 on my shuffle isn’t ironic at all. Iykyk). </div><div><br></div><div>Back to kids… </div><div>I believe it was between 3-6, maybe 7, the beta brain waves are developing and it’s all about mirroring and copying what they see. </div><div>The phase after that, maybe the following, I don’t remember the name, but it was external processing regarding what we hear. People speak “truths,” to us and it becomes, usually becomes, a strong part of our identities. </div><div>What did you see? </div><div>What did you hear? </div><div>You may not remember, but it’s in you like the circles of grain deep inside the old tree. </div><div>A habit. </div><div><br></div><div>The Score Revealed </div><div><br></div><div>I’ve “killed myself,” many times over. A version I was, wasn’t “________ enough,” so i had to go. Recreate and come back something new and better. </div><div>Over and over and over. </div><div>Good enough?</div><div>Good looking enough?</div><div>Smart enough? </div><div>Strong enough?</div><div>What’s controllable?</div><div>What’s adjustable? </div><div>How can you even prove it? Even to yourself. Confidence comes and goes, eventually you’re sitting there searching for proof and it’s not there. So you take inventory of your “tool kit,” and analyze. </div><div>What can I do?</div><div>What can I upgrade within myself, on myself? </div><div><br></div><div>And no one can know…. Because if they figure out you’re not ______ enough, they’ll remove you. Fired. Dumped. Insulted. Dismissed. Replaced by someone or something that is already _______ enough. So you leave before they know and try to save some pride by walking away on your terms. </div><div>But did you really have to walk? </div><div><br></div><div>This mindset might sound aggressive. Maybe it seems like a guy who gets shit done and evolves and grows and pushes the ball fwd everyday. </div><div>Or maybe it sounds like a guy desperate, grasping and running on fumes to constantly be useful, to be needed, for someone or something to finally have proof of being ______ enough. </div><div>The irony is both. </div><div>It’s sucks. It’s hard. It’s mostly sad w a few blips of success that last just long enough to realize the moment is over and now you have to chase another “win,” somehow, somewhere. </div><div><br></div><div>What did you see that created you?</div><div>What did you hear that created you?</div><div><br></div><div>Keep going. </div><div> Keep working hard. </div><div>Don’t quit.</div><div> Keep developing. </div><div>You had eyes on people and they never knew. Eyes are also on you. Break the circles and break through. </div><div><br></div><div>If you have kids or work w kids:</div><div>Be patient.</div><div>Teach w love.</div><div>Be a good example. </div><div>Know when to pressure and when to pull back.</div><div>Know when to involve yourself and when to let them “fall.” Skinned knees are ok. </div><div>You are shaping a young human, don’t “wash your hands,” of them when they “disobey.” Connect, explain why and what is important. You’re literally helping to shape a future </div><div><br></div>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-30034381118054895692023-04-13T14:13:00.006-07:002023-04-13T14:13:51.351-07:00Acrobat<p> A few things pop in my head when I sit down to do this these days, and usually it ends in <i>not doing it</i>. </p><p>I'm apprehensive to use the word "fear," because I'm not afraid of my thoughts and not afraid to be alone, but it still ends in me not typing/writing because the reader is on my mind. </p><p>So in the words of Bukowksi, "I don't try; I just type." So off I go into another forest I used to enjoy so much. </p><p>That hit me the other day and I recorded another video I'll never share. I was in Chapin with my new Ruck sack, getting things activated for the running season coming up. I was about to type something about Chapin being my favorite but I think that's like trying to say you have a favorite child. You might just like them differently, for different reasons, but you love them all. That is the trails for me. Over the years, its become an obsession. I love knowing the ups and downs, where the hard parts are, or where you can kick it into another gear and make up time. I love all the details of all the options, where to turn, where things short cut, where the long roads are. Which trails cross the river, which have bridges. A lot of time spent in there and all of them in the area. A lot of miles. A lot of sweat. A lot of alone time. </p><p>I love being able to help others when lost. I don't enjoy seeing them lost and most of the time they don't realize they're not lost at all, the path is just a little longer than they anticipated. I crossed an older woman (probably a younger grandma) and her grandson. They were clearly struggling, but I also understand someone not flagging down a 270lb guerilla stomping down the path. So I try to smile and acknowledge "I can see you're struggling." I reassure they're on the right path, just keep going. She didn't look confident, I said trust me... keep going and take the next left. Keep going. The parking your car is in is right across the street by the pond." They thanked and we went on our way. </p><p>If she wasn't paying attention and when right instead of left, she may have struggled. So I rerouted my path and ran the long road so that if she did make a mistake, I would run past them again. Luckily, this didn't happen. </p><p>I ran past a hill that sent some nice memories through me. </p><p>A lot has changed since then. </p><p>But what's changed? </p><p>This is the rope I stand on everyday. </p><p>Too young, too old. Too ordered, too chaotic. Too conservative, too liberal. Too hard, too soft. On and on, write in your own. I think it's possible, as we slide closer to the unknown exit, this balancing act gets harder and harder until something breaks. </p><p>I have two teens and a 4 year old. They're growing up in a world, we helped create, whether we know it, believe it, acknowledge it or not. It doesn't matter, its true. The world we daydreamed about when were kids doesn't fully exist anymore. The reasons are irrelevant for this. The challenge is balancing between the lines or chaos and order. Maybe there's a deep frustration in that. Maybe its nostalgia we (I) are holding onto and we want so badly for them to have the real life we had. We've all seen the meme. 4-6 kids, sitting on bikes and the caption is something like, "we never knew the last time we were going to have this evening." Our last pick up game at the park, the last ride to the corner store. It happened, it ended, and we didn't noticed <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Unless you're weird and have had a crazy obsession with the clock since eh, 13 or so, then you noticed)</span>. Back to the beginning of the thought... there's a tug of war between not letting them fade or be sucked by the gravity of social contagion and copy cat thinkers, spoon fed ideas, countered with grounding in reality of real human connection, relationships, real life human experiences. I don't believe the tech future has anything human for us and I don't want to see us slipping into that void. We will become drones. I think we might already be on our way. Try talking to a group of teens lately? </p><p><br /></p><p>Holding onto some crazy youthful energy is important. Having space to let it go is important. Being around people that accept and appreciate the young and old in you is important. </p><p>Knowing when to recover is important. </p><p>Knowing when to search for energy sources is important. </p><p>That's what I walked past the hill and that was the video I recorded. I need to find a way to have the conversations to help light the match and reignite an energy I lost. </p><p>It's hard to do while holding on to everything else. </p><p><br /></p><p>Young guys, don't fall for the traps. Stay the path, <i>your path</i>. You're not lost. Just keep going. I ran these, trust me. </p><p><br /></p><p>---</p><p>I don't want to write pages. Just these as they come around. </p><p>My video: I want to have conversations with people who are running on "natural energy." People who have a calling in their soul and operate their day on that frequency. I used to be there. I want to visit it and see what I can find. These might be entrepreneurs, artists, deep thinkers and feelers, I want to meet and talk to people who think and feel deeply. I don't talk much because basic conversations and just that, basic. It's pop music. People near me know, I cant really have a talk without turning it into something bigger, deeper, more than it was than it started. I want to grow and learn more. I want to expand and meet more people that inspire great action and spread positive energy. Lets record it and put it on @home behind the sun podcast. message me. </p><p>funny thing... i don't think anyone will, but not because they don't like the idea. because people on that energy are humble in reflection and don't think they're special. "Who me? I'm just doing what I do..." exactly. effortless. like you're not even in control. the vision and messaging just comes to you, that's exactly what I want to know about. </p>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-82622332442819703272022-12-17T05:01:00.002-08:002022-12-17T05:01:35.621-08:00Check Engine<p> We've all noticed that light. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiV01uL-GuDh3G0tYZ-LrjdYgg-kdougEjBSvbjuJRXLbvxeTy8M0_N4ZUhUA6gMZBSgfXQX9KdlmcUBAYVHXPUch4ISRcnFghvBY66LnHSp5GIQF3PqI5yi5EnqaDQSNJnO5ngpEF73eQdC20nidGRCV5u3Kd2nqxbfSaa5POLPs2C4D-YM4m8tF7/s263/download%20(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="192" data-original-width="263" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiV01uL-GuDh3G0tYZ-LrjdYgg-kdougEjBSvbjuJRXLbvxeTy8M0_N4ZUhUA6gMZBSgfXQX9KdlmcUBAYVHXPUch4ISRcnFghvBY66LnHSp5GIQF3PqI5yi5EnqaDQSNJnO5ngpEF73eQdC20nidGRCV5u3Kd2nqxbfSaa5POLPs2C4D-YM4m8tF7/w200-h146/download%20(1).jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>We see it and often think, "hhhmmm let's see if it goes away," or "maybe it's nothing," trying to talk ourselves into best case scenario, but it's on. </p><p>We get home, turn the car off, "we'll see how it is tomorrow," head inside and forget all about it. </p><p>"We'll see how it is tomorrow." Procrastination. </p><p>Ignoring the signals, denial and disbelief. </p><p>The next morning, the light wasn't immediately there, the day started right. Our entire commute was good, no troubles. We then go through the day, walk out to the car to head back home, car starts right up... "see, it was nothing." Then we catch a little traffic and we're idling. Standstill to 5mph back to standstill. Oooh some daylight, maybe the jam is over, up to 15mph... nope, back to 5mph. </p><p>Then the light turns back on. </p><p>Shit. Now you're nervous. This is NOT the place to have car trouble, center lane on the busiest highway in the city, rush hour. Not here, not now. </p><p>But it's our fault. The light was on yesterday. We saw it, we denied it, we thought we knew better than the signal. "We'll see how it goes." Well here it is, and not only is the light on, the gauges are starting to read high and you're wondering, "Do I need an oil change? Did I miss a recall notice? Did I drive too hard, did I do this?" </p><p>Maybe you get angry and hit the wheel, "Damn car!"</p><p>But the light was on. The sign was there. You <i>chose</i> to ignore it. </p><p>Damn car. </p><p>Damn knee. </p><p>Damn job. </p><p>Damn husband. </p><p>Damn dog. </p><p>Right? </p><p>Damn coworker. </p><p>Damn coach. </p><p>Damn headache. </p><p>Damn kids. </p><p>Too often, we find ourselves in situations of stress, trouble, injury, turmoil, because we ignore the check engine lights. Sometimes they're subtle. Sometimes it's slow text response, sometimes it's just a minor pinch of pain, sometimes it's just an odd behavior we chalk up to a bad day, but the light was there. Instead of checking under the hood or taking it in to a specialist, we said, "We'll see how it is tomorrow," or "Maybe it goes away," or better yet, "Maybe it's nothing." </p><p>Sometimes it's an alarm. It's loud, it shocks us out of our seat. But even then we sit back too often in disbelief... "did I just see what I think I saw?" "Did I hear that right?"</p><p>Check under the hood. Handle the maintenance. </p><p>Stretch, eat right and get sleep. Talk, clear the air and be honest. Get the knee looked at when you have that pinch. Go to the doc if you're having headaches more often. Have that 1 on 1 with a coworker and get right. Examine your thoughts, your goals, your personal why and make sure the system is in alignment. </p><p>Don't ignore the light, the rusted signs, the instincts, and end up broken down in the middle of nowhere. </p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-26014007581106516602022-12-15T11:28:00.001-08:002022-12-15T11:28:11.650-08:00100% Chance of Weather<p> 3 things adjust my view and always present. The dark, the light and the clock. How they're "present," is like going to the eye doc and he sets lenses up to clear vision. "A or B, B or C," and we say "hhhmmm I think C!" and off we go. I can see when I see dark and light w the clock hanging above. It always hangs above and it doesn't stop til the end. </p><p>The light is happiness. We laugh and joke, enjoy things, its a real good time. I love seeing it and living in this space. It's the kids playing, people are relaxing and enjoying sunshine, it's the cook out. It's wins. It's momentum. It's bonus. Wind at our back type moments. Green lights. This needs no preparation. Just sit back and have a good time. </p><p>Then there's the flipside. These days are coming too and nothing you can do can stop it. Just like you can't stop the weather, can't stop the storm, above you didn't request 80 degrees and clear skies and here you didn't request the flood. Sudden change. Tears, depression, challenges you are not (or didn't think you were) ready for. It's loss. It's the rut. Out of business. Dumped. No answers, no explanations, things just didn't work out the way you imagined and now you feel loss. </p><p>Without the dark, the light wouldn't feel so good. Without the winter, summer wouldn't matter as much. And without death and the clock, time would be irrelevant. </p><p>None of it is ever out of my view. In every "light," I see the darkness lingering, so laughing can make me cry, because I cant stop hearing the ticking. Literally. In the dark, the sadness and pain makes me laugh for the exact same reason. I believe this awareness is A) why I'm not invited out much, I'm not a lot of fun, but also B) why things mean so much. I am completely aware that any moment could be ours. </p><p>How did you read that last line? What was your very first thought or emotion when you read, "Any moment could be ours,"?</p><p>You probably just tipped off what light you live in. If you read that as <i>ending or death</i>, well there you go. If you read that as <i>opportunity and life</i>, same thing. </p><p>Things never stop changing. </p><p>You don't need much to prepare for sunshine, do you? Maybe some sun screen, but we're so goofy, we hide from it half the time. 90 degrees out and most people run for chilly AC and shade. Not me, that's my favorite running weather. 90+ is all mine, no sunscreen. I want some burn and some pain. </p><p>We plan events around the sunshine because we think we can count on it being there. Most of the time it is. Weatherman says "75 and clear skies," we say "perfect day for the park!" or the beach or whatever. But what do we do when weatherman calls his shot and he's wrong? Whoopsy. </p><p>Now is when we see who is who. Who planned in the dark? Who prepared their mind for this call? Who envisioned hearing the voice mail... "she's gone." Who is ready to put their shit away for the tornado rolling in? "Hope you saved a few bucks, we're about to shut down!" </p><p>Bonus checks, sunshine, wins, your kids, even most love, wont teach you anything without the darkness and the clock. So how are you going to be ready? </p><p>Find it. Don't go home after work and get all cozy and lazy. Don't be satisfied with a few wins under your belt. 7-3? Fuck those 7 wins, I want to talk about the other 3 (so imagine what 0-10 did/does to me). Go to the gym, workout hard as fuck and ring out that day of moments you'll forget. Or go to the gym, workout hard as fuck and ring out the day to put in perspective. </p><p>Nothing can ever be harder than what you're willing to do to yourself. I think that's a mandatory thought. <i>Nothing can ever be harder than what you're willing to do to yourself.</i> This sets a bar of how much we can handle. How much bad weather. </p><p>Never too high, never too low. The dark always has some light, the light always has the dark and the clock never stops... the only thing that makes it matter is it will end. So enjoy both. Use both. The hardest, darkest things in and of my life have given me just as much as the greatest, brightest and most perfect. </p><p>It's all memorable and useful. </p><p><br /></p><p>Hey you, </p><p>Leave memories behind that flood them w emotion... of all the good, all the effort, all the examples, all the lessons, all the love. Make them laugh, make them think, grow, learn from mistakes and be there to assist the pick ups. Leave them with stories. Make them aware and mindful of the ride we're on, so that they can spread it and build momentum. Train yourself to be ready for all the weather and show them how you did it. Share. Don't rush, but know, any moment could be ours. </p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-11435977443579220892022-04-01T13:09:00.004-07:002022-04-01T13:10:36.438-07:00Just 20 Quick Things ("Now What Do We Do?" follow up)<p> Jordan Peterson said "I don't know how you lay it out properly... but you tell people that you love how to avoid the road to hell, and you don't do that because you're shaking your finger at them or because you're a moral authority. You do it because you don't want them to burn." </p><p>A few years ago, I wrote "He asked, 'Now what do we do?" and I painted a picture, a bit of an abstract thought pattern for designing a path of life through a stage. A very beginner, a new explorer type idea, limitless. You are the creator. </p><p>They didn't outright ask, but I saw it on their faces... even 1000 miles away. Again, "Now what?" </p><p>So I reached out to people I look up to. I reached out to people I seek out for advice or people that help me spark a new thought to rebuild the energy. Below is a collection of texts I recvd along with my own thoughts, maybe rules of life I learned through x failures, through pain, through seeing kids grow up, the good and the bad, the light and the dark. It all teaches. I don't feel I have a moral authority, I don't want you to burn like others have. </p><p>Below might be a paragraph, might be a fortune cookie. People may have sent me a full write up, might have been one line. Doesn't matter. Hope you enjoy and find at least one thing useful for your ride.</p><p style="text-align: right;"><i>Go</i></p><p>Know when to control, know when to let go. </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>This will become a learned skill through x opportunities, observations and then reflection and correction. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to let go. I don't remember the book, but this reminds me an old Buddhist based book about letting go of the outcome. You can only do and control so much, especially when working with other people. Sometimes the momentum is too much for your energy to overcome. Do what you can, do the best you can, and enjoy the ride. </p></blockquote><p><br /></p><p>Don't feel the need to fill a room with empty words</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Ever sit and listen to people? Watch them talk? Actually focus in on what drives conversation? So much should really be left unsaid (my own opinion, although I shouldn't really need to say that as this is what it is, my blog). I think when you talk less and think more, your words come from a space of worked-out thought and not thrown into the air to be figured out as they land. When you talk less and think more, the thoughts are already finished, for the most part, and the conversation can volley, if needed. Otherwise, people puke all of these random, nearly unplanned, over-emotional phrases around and hope they land on the correct person, in the correct order, so the person listening can understand them clearly and then agree, disagree, or engage however needed. Talk less, think more. </p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>I don't think my wife likes that I like silence as much as I do, but I do. Absolute silence is very peaceful, which is why I love the float tank the way I do. Gives me plenty of space to clear all distractions and lock in on one thought, without 500 fireworks firing off all around me, all needing me to catch them or comment on them or even look up at them. No, I just want to think and be at peace inside my own head. Sometimes we need to turn all of those fireworks off, all the outside off, and go deep within. When we talk less and think more, we have that space. If we don't, do we really have anything? Talk less, think more. </p></blockquote><p>Never stop learning something </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>High school may be over, college may be over, a new job orientation may be over. Even the "dating," phase of any relationship may be over. Never stop learning. The world moves quickly. Jobs can change, hobbies change, your likes and dislikes can change. The person I am today, I'm not sure how recognizable I am compared to who I was. I'm so different actually, I get confused when someone says hi to me, I assume they don't know me, its that far away. </p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>Read. Read about history and read opposing views. "History is written by victors." Read the version of the losers. </p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>Read about philosophy. You have to learn how to learn yourself. I'm sorry, but so many people have no clue why they do what they do. People have behavior that consistently tracks them towards poor finishes, then they wonder why... check the playbook. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Change. Learn yourself. It's ok. There is no shame in change, if change is needed. You cant be a monster your entire life, making everyone near you miserable. One of the worst things to do is just that, then regret it, but do it again because you don't know how to recognize the thought patterns that create the action. Learn yourself. Write. Write your story from as far back as you can remember to now and I bet you figure somethings out. </p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>Learn how to cook. Cant depend on apps to delivery your food or anyone else to make a meal. I think this is pretty standard thing to do and pretty useful if you get good at it. </p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>Learn how to manage your money. What should you actually be investing in? Land? Nickel? Gold? What is the long game? I don't know much about this but I know its a skill you'll need. The only thing I knew was "Do not go into debt!" especially credit credit card debt. If you don't have the cash, do you really need it? <i>*this point will age horribly or perfectly over the next few years.</i></p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>How does your body operate? What exactly is insulin? What are your kidneys for? How much sleep do you need? What does fat do? What does cholesterol do? I cant go too far into this one on this post, but I should have placed it first. I don't think there's anything more important than understanding this awesome "machine," we operate 24/7/365 until the day we breathe our last breath. How amazing is that to think about? Even more amazing, how little we have to think about it? Mind blowing, really. You are the owner, GM, CEO, CFO, CHO, player, trainer, coach, of the most miraculous organism we've ever known and we nearly never take the time to address that. To enjoy it. To fully experience it and witness it. Think about that. </p><p></p></blockquote><p>And speaking of your body... </p><p></p><p>Trust your gut</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>Instincts will take you a long, long way. Trust them. Part of your instincts will become pattern recognition. When they zig instead of zag, be ready. When eyes dilate, breath gets weird, you'll see it coming and not even see it coming, but you'll see it coming. You will learn to read what wasn't written, hear what wasn't said. The timing between words, the eyes that look away briefly, flushed skin, tapping fingers, posture. The change up in patterns they didn't even know they were running will flag you. Take notice. </p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>The subconscious is always running, always trouble-shooting. Could be a moment, days, even months later when you think ahhhhh... I know now, and it hits you. </p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Back to talk less, think more... the quieter it is, the easier it is to hear. </p></blockquote><p> Recognize and control thought patterns</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Be mindful of your own thought habits and self-stories. Like I wrote in '17, you are the creator, most importantly the narrator you hear all day and night. You can change the way the narrator talks to you. The things he/she says. Control those thoughts and you will begin to operate at a higher level. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>Focus on your path</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Focus on the best thing you can do right now. What is it? Go do it. </p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Do you want to start a business? A blog? A website? A new career? Do you want to run across the country? Stare at the goal, focus on the goal, walk towards the goal and make all decisions that align with the goal and I bet you hit it. </p></blockquote><p>Work to Impress yourself, not others</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Impressing others will be nice. Applause, thanks, appreciation, that might be really nice. But if that's what you chase, if that's the motivation, you will be left depressed and chasing the applause. Use Focus on the Path to help you lock in and achieve the greatest possible thing you can think of. You will impress yourself and then you'll have the tools, the drive, the skillset to reload and do it again but for a greater feet. Isn't that what growing up is about? We go from flailing around, to crawling to walking, then running and so on. We have a fair amount of time, but it goes by really fast. Use it to chase something awesome. You will impress yourself and probably inspire someone else to chase there's as well. </p></blockquote><p>...but Don't quit </p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>Or as Dr. Jordan Peterson says "If you're going to quit, you better replace it with someone equally challenging." BY FAR, not even close, my biggest regrets are the things I quit. Not even close. I don't have to spend any time thinking about it. Do not quit your chase. (more on this in Do Not Throw Your Gifts Away - below)</p><p></p></blockquote><p>Be of service to someone or something and make them look great</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>I think this one is a really good way to spend some time. A lot of benefit here. Maybe it's donating time to assist on a project with a neighbor, or volunteering for local community event. I don't know the psychology on this, really haven't given it a lot of thought until right now... but I think it helps the self-esteem to not feel useless, when you help someone else. Maybe I just wrote it backwards, but thats how I feel about it. Helping people, gives value to my time. More of this would probably feel pretty good. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>Get over yourself </p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>As disappointing as it is to learn this harsh truth... brace yourselves... the world actually doesn't revolve around you. Booooom, heads just exploded, people are running mad, dragons are flying, cities are burning, the earth just opened up and swallowed California, its the end of the world! </p></blockquote><p></p><p>Do what's right, not what's popular </p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>You'll know the difference. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>1-way door vs 2-way door</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Heard this one recently and I really like it, a logical way of devoting energy to decisions. A 1 way door is just that, a door that opens one way. Once you walk through, you cannot go back. These are permanent moves. A 2 way door, opens both ways. You can walk in, assess, stay or leave. Knowing the difference between 1-way doors and 2-way doors can save you a lot of energy, time and heart ache. Don't waste too much time on prelim work with 2-way doors, you can always go back. It's the 1-way doors that need the energy. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>Fill up your tank first </p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>You cant take of others if you're running on fumes. You might be "ok," but you will not be at your best. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>The company you keep</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>Be mindful of the people near you. If you don't like them, you're probably saying a lot about yourself. If they're not very ambitious, you're probably saying a lot about yourself. You can continue that x+y=z on and on... the people near you are you. It's a mirror. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>Build up one dominant skill </p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>A jack of all trades is nice. Very useful. But have one card you can throw down and own it. That card that says "this is my shit and I dominate with it," type hand. Own it. </p></blockquote><p> Pay attention to your grandparents. </p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>I remember when my moms uncle died, I thought about all the information and experience that went away. As the more go, the more that goes. Pay attention to what they pay attention to. My mom didn't have a lot, but the things she paid attention to was everything. Real. Real relationships. Real people. Real hugs. Real food, real dinner. Real time together. Real experiences. Put the fucking phones away. </p><p></p></blockquote><p>Don't let your loved ones burn</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>You will see friend go down paths that you know will lead to bad places. Grab them. Don't let them go. They will resist, they'll say they know what they're doing, you'll think about giving in. Don't let go. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>Don't be comfortable at 60%</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>I've seen a lot of athletes be pretty good, better than competition at 60%. I've known plenty of kids get A's w 60% effort. I've known guys get paid well w 60% function. Don't let an A or a win or a check make you complacent and slip into 60% function. Push through it, ignore the benefits and grades and scores and push forward and through that. </p></blockquote><p></p><p>Do not throw your gifts away</p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>-Dont quit con't-</p></blockquote><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>If you have a gift and you throw it away, if you don't capitalize on it, you will feel pain. There will be an itch that crawls inside of you that will screw with your sleep, it will give you headaches, it will even change the shape of your face into someone you do not recognize. You cannot throw away Gods gifts. I know this reads a little theatrical, but I'm very serious on this one. There is something inside of you that you are very good at, that's the path you need to go. Anything else will age you and fuck you up much worse than you know and it will magnify when you realize you did it. </p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p>Chasing that dragon back into the box is a real chore. It takes a hell of lot of time and energy and awareness and sacrifice. Trust me on this one. Do not throw your gifts away. </p><p></p></blockquote><p> </p><p>It's ok to believe in God again. </p><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p><br /></p></blockquote><p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p> </p></blockquote>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-70180638181316258452022-03-14T20:11:00.003-07:002022-03-14T20:12:55.884-07:00New Day<p><span style="font-family: inherit;">A piece of what I posted: </span></p><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-size: 15px; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So a former “client,” reached out. Someone I trained in middle school then high school, total stud athlete and badass human being. She asked if I could train her team she now coaches, local high school. I told those kids years ago and I tell all the kids when seasons end, “anything you need.” So when she asked, as long as my work schedule allowed, the answer is automatic yes. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So we’re talking, planning, setting a schedule, the simple stuff. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We get into the mental and she is already excited about how it’s going to go. I ask “what level do you want me?” because some teams, like some clients, some people, can really only handle a 5 or 6, they dont want 10. She says “I want what we had (back when we trained) the full ....” and paused, I said “say no more, I know what it is,” and we both laughed and we could feel that energy because we know. We know the darkness and how far in you have to go to get that sweet spot where you level up. I said “a lot of people don’t realize there are switches inside yourself to take you to another level and you don’t get those in a conversation or some random spot... You have to go deep into the dark spots inside and find your YOU. I think you find it w hardass work, the nasty physical work where you literally lose yourself down there and you come out new.” </span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Felt so good to know those words were still inside me. Then she stared, smiled, and laughed, nodded, said “this is going to be good.”</span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">—-</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Opportunities to be “new,” everyday. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I keep saying “new day, new me,” around the house and I think my wife thinks I’m being an asshole, mostly because I’ve been such an asshole (probably for a couple years). But I mean it literally. Everyday, recently, I’m trying to be new and better, everyday. New day, new me. Maybe the new me will be a better version of the old me, that’s actually what I’ve been praying for. I “killed,” that guy few years ago, now I’m in the resurrection process. Being around people that push the right buttons to get me to say what I wrote above is a crucial element. Like “oh, that ole juke box still has that song?” Keep throwing quarters in, I want to keep playing. </span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">—— </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t play to your competition. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t dumb down conversations because of your table. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t censor your post because someone might think it’s weird. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Put headphones in and feel the music hard. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Share the beauty you’ve found. If the people near dont vibe w it, don’t stop talking, find a new table who feels it like you feel it. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We let people suffocate our energy and over x moments, our uniqueness fades and then we become average jerkoffs. Don’t do that. Stay good and weird. Let the energy flow. Be yourself w no internal governor restricting anything that wants to release. </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Release.</span></div></div><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> A lot of conversations have been popping up around same similar topics or one primary really. Insecurity. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">About 15 years ago, I was talking to someone about what I wanted to do, how I felt I could help people and that it was important. I had an idea for a fitness center that was different. I actually had a dream about a place where you could sign up for classes like a fitness schedule but instead of saying "oh I'm taking spinning at 11," the schedule was "ah, stress relief at 11, then I have goal planning at 1." Even as I write it right now, the dream was so cool, I can still see the lobby and the entire thing I dreamt that night. She said "I think you need to get over yourself and your inflated sense of self worth." I don't know why, but that stuck with me. "Inflated sense of self worth." What a weird thing to say to someone. Especially because I was never ego driven, it was never "I'm the best, I'm the man, my ideas rock," on and on, it was just a vision of an idea that can help people. Ever since I learned I knew how to, its really all I wanted to do. How can I help you have a better day? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">But I let "inflated sense of self worth," live in my head for over 15 years. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">We do that though, we let an idea live inside of us, no matter how inaccurate it is. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">The thing that rocked me, that I couldn't really put my finger on until recently, was that I have been surrounded by a lot of people that are real quick to say things like "you've lost it," or talk me out of ideas and the <i>primary</i> person that was the anti to these anti's, isn't here anymore. That literally just hit me a week ago, damn near 5 years later... 4 years, 10 months and 3 days later, it hit me. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I remember when the Yoga room was being put together, I'd think "she is going to think this is so cool." People showing up at parks for "bootcamps," blew her away. "All those people go?" ya ma. "That many people read your blog?" ya ma "You work with all those kids?" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">People really underestimate or just don't share how hard it can be to lose your mom. For years, I imagined the call to prep myself for the call. I handled the call fine on the outside. I handled the day fine on the outside. I handled the meetings, the funeral variables, my dad, kids, all of that, just fine on the outside. I don't think my daughter saw me cry until just recently actually. Because when she died, and how she died, I said "that's my fault. How could I let her die like this? How could I not motivate her? How could I reach her?" Then "if I cant reach her, of all the people in the world, how can help anyone else?" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">A little while later, when the momentum ran out, when the enthusiasm faded, I unplugged the machine and that was it. IT it. I would be in a room and someone would ask a question about working out or anything related and I acted like I had to google it. I was talking and I literally said "what are those things called? You like put your hands on a bar and drop your body... something for these muscles back here," and pointed to my triceps, "Oh ya, dips! I used to do those."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Without her energy, I let all that negativity build and things just faded. Enthusiasm to be myself faded. I let the things people said, even 10-20 years ago, started brewing and I let it turn off things inside. Thinking back, it's so weird to think of the things that people said and how I let it sink in so much. Even writing that, I wonder what is wrong w me that I let people effect me like that... and that's one of the things that hit me. WE ALL let people do that to us. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">We might lie about it, but we have it. We might not share it, but we have it. Insecurity. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was talking to a friend the other day and she said "My friends find pleasure in knowing I'm not good at something." She barely finished the word "something," before I said "they're losers." She said "they're my friends," I said they're not, she said "well its all I have." We talked a bit more and at the end she thanked me for the talk and went on our way. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">That was probably the 5th conversation that week that was about insecurity and people letting other people effect their own feelings about themselves. I was in gyms a long time, had a lot of conversations, a lot of goal setting.... its a therapy.... know how many clients were there because an insecurity drove them in? About 90% </span></p><p style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">S<span style="font-size: xx-small;">ide note: I'm so glad we met. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">I'm so glad I was the guy you trusted that process with.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Why do we let people plant an idea that festers into a dark wound inside of our selves, when we actually have the control to just not accept it? It's our minds. Its our soul. We are in control, or working to be. Why would we let someone say something or treat us a particular way that would make us think something different about ourselves when NO ONE knows our own self like we do? That sounds so crazy. Even rereading that, I sound a little crazy, but its a crazy statement. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">So I've been spending a lot of time and energy trying to build habits back up of things I used to do that fed me energy, made me feel good about the work I was doing, helped me find the words in conversations to make it make sense and help someone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was with a friend the other night, another story about shitty friends. I said "stop playing down to the table," because this person has told me several times how they hide themselves in fear of being judged by his friends. So stop playing down to the table is like "Don't play down to the competition." Don't act like a 5 just because you're sitting with 6's. Be a 10. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Think about our kids. Do we crap on their ideas and tell them "nah, I've seen your little butt run around, there's no soccer in your future." No way. We encourage, we help, we show up, we clap and support. When is that last time you encouraged a friend? When is the last time you <i>encouraged yourself</i>? Right? Again, I reread it and I say "don't post this, reads crazy" but reread it and ask yourself and tell me who's crazy. When is the last time you <i>encouraged yourself</i>? When is the last time you helped yourself? When is the last time you clapped for yourself? Why would it be any different? We all beat ourselves up real well, when was the last time you took time to heal? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I wrote "<span style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">We let people suffocate our energy and over x moments, our uniqueness fades and then we become average jerkoffs. Don’t do that. Stay good and weird. Let the energy flow. Be yourself w no internal governor restricting anything that wants to release." </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don't spend time with people who leave you feeling drained, having such average, fast food conversations (no nutritional value). </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don't let people suffocate your energy. They may hide as people looking out for you, they may mean well, but don't let them fade the fire. Once that flame goes out, its a real bitch bringing it back. Remember, no one knows you like you know you. Find encouragers of the mission, not people knocking you off the track. A lot of people fear greatness and achievers and dreamer/doers because your success shames them because they gave up too early. Trust me, they may love you, they may hide as the form of someone close, but if you a dream to do something, do not listen to them. </span></p><p>Don't<span style="font-family: inherit;"> be shy to let the truth out. If the last couple years showed us anything, its that life can get sideways really quick and time goes really fast. Life is too short to dim your energy. Express it as often as possible. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">---</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">These </span>conversations<span style="font-family: inherit;"> with other people, I started hearing my own words, feeling my own energy. It felt like a drug again. I was high. </span></p><p>If my kids grow up really good at something and they love it and they just stopped doing it, what would I say to them? </p><p>---</p><p>You owe it to your soul</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzyT-KTwZQJ8ouSUHW-9u2C9CHka1YIv7VG7LXJDwIzOmyT0KlnlRuc78WOw1m2BeNI3ZZRf7T8ZNqCnsrGrSpMVIaIPPEv4DJG6W9VM5IuLuHYBkZySz4n-ZzLq5pIkzb6P9_DgQJ7N7G1McYK4S1vOVBmBHalNNNrTvl_f8GX8agkEFQMGSWaLh8=s259" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="195" data-original-width="259" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzyT-KTwZQJ8ouSUHW-9u2C9CHka1YIv7VG7LXJDwIzOmyT0KlnlRuc78WOw1m2BeNI3ZZRf7T8ZNqCnsrGrSpMVIaIPPEv4DJG6W9VM5IuLuHYBkZySz4n-ZzLq5pIkzb6P9_DgQJ7N7G1McYK4S1vOVBmBHalNNNrTvl_f8GX8agkEFQMGSWaLh8=w320-h241" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-81866006009603705532022-02-10T13:44:00.001-08:002022-02-10T13:44:06.210-08:00Vita<p> <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Below, I wrote what I wrote and hit
PUBLISH.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I left the shop, picked up
dinner and headed back to the hotel.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Rearranged the room to feel a little more home and prepped a few other
ideas.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">A couple hours later, an episode
of television to chill before bed, and then it settled in.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fear and anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What if its not understood?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if everyone hates it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hates me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is it going to offend someone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is
someone going to think I’m talking about them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who is going to think that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
better re-read and edit… <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I booted the laptop back up and
delated a few things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing
aggressive, more weird and indirect than anything else, the type of thing that
might make a suspicious person wonder “who is this guy referring to?” when
99.9% of what I write is moderately vague and abstract, to be open to thought
and interpretation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Laptop closed, back to bed.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It hit again. Not enough changes… go
back, <i>delete more.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I did. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Back to bed. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One more time… laptop back up, <i>fuck
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Delete the entire thing, I can’t
deal with this.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The next day was hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat and watched sports and wondered, “what
happened to you?” a real deep dive into “what happened to you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why was I afraid?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was nothing over the top crazy in
there, nothing more/less than I’ve written before, but maybe that was it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’ve lost touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’ve faded too far inside and its
created a separation, a privacy fence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe I’m afraid fo the new audience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe I’m afraid to be known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe we all are. Maybe that’s the
actual root of depression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
mask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I need to reread my own
shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know the mask will suffocate us,
but sometimes we’re afraid to remove it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The mask gave us x, y and z.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I
take the mask off, x, y and z might go away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The difference between a painful
truth and comfortable lie is deeper than a fancy quote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth is truth, but the level of the lie is
where things get muddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lie to someone,
you may get away with it, to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
you’ll know and it will weaken who you are in the long run.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may be ok on the surface, but those with
instincts and vision will see you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lie
to yourself?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where your personal truths die,
where your life mission is buried, where the soul starts feeding on weak and dead
cells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where laughs fade, sleep suffers,
and you go numb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over time, you can’t
even recall words that were once part of your daily vocabulary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Never lie to yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never compromise your character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not turn your back on your gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Jordan Peterson said, “You are going
to pay a price for every bloody thing you do and everything you don’t do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t get to choose to not pay a
price.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You get to choose which poison
you are going to take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s it.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So maybe I need to publish
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don't remember the order of words,
they weren't written, it was all improv (for the most part), but I knew the
energy I wanted to develop over the next few minutes. Energy and
vision. Vision of space and clarity. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I said something along the line of:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know we've all missed events...
we've missed birthday parties... we've missed weddings, some were cancelled,
some were scaled back. We've missed or never even held funerals.
We missed work. We missed fun. We missed cook outs and
holiday events. Then we get bad traffic... poor service for take out... a
rude encounter w a cashier or elderly woman behind the counter (finish it)...
the kids are sent home... but we have to work... the news and the news and the
news... rumors and worry... balls busted at x, y, and z... everyone's on edge
and the next thing might be the thing... <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">we're tired. I get it...
we're all tired. I'm exhausted. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">----------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then I took it in a direction,
rallied it home w a corporate appropriate talk about a stoic philosophy and
mindset practicing patience, perseverance and empathy... it’s all love.
Really is. That's the thing we lost, isn't it? Fight or
flight kicked in and it was ON from there. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When is the last time you were asked
"how are you?" and the person really, <i>really</i> sat
there and wanted to know exactly how. you. are? We barely have the
patience or "time," for our families and selves, but where is it
going? What are we doing with all this time, other than using it as
we really should be, some care for each other?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Don't check your phone. Put it
away. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">----------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We all went home, scared shitless of
catching a thing from our friends and family and hid. <i>Don't go yet...
this won’t be about what you're thinking if you're thinking what I think you're
thinking.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The separation did damage. It
did to me. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We separated, had our thoughts,
developed our own conclusions, then checked social media to see where we all
stood. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We took inventory of our homes,
maybe didn't even realize it. <i>Do I like where I live? It's all
I've been staring at for about 4 weeks... Do I like my family? Do they
like me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I like my dogs?
Do they like me? Maybe I should paint a wall just to have a new
color to look at. I know, I'll start walking to break up the day.<o:p></o:p></i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What did you learn? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I'm tired. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">----------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was having a conversation last
night about "truth," or perceived truths. What makes a thing
true? Can we have two different truths, having a stare off, see which
truth blinks first? What might be spicy to you isn't to me and back
and forth. So this conversation went along the lines of truths we wish we
didn't know. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Would you rather have the painful
truth or the comfortable lie? Think about the things you know that
you wish you didn't...<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Personally, truth is truth and I'll
take all of it. No matter how dark and messy it gets, its where we need
to go. Because there's something on the other side of that, that I don't
think we really know yet. But when I imagine it, I see the truth
dissolving all the lines and barriers of the things inside of you that you
imagined or thought you needed to protect. An image. An
ego. A character. A story. The mask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you don't need any of it, because its not
real, its not truth. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We know this. We're feeling
it. It's crawling up our back, cloaked in depression and hidden within
anxiety and throwing stresses at our feet like sticks of dynamite... we are
tired. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The fatigue has changed how we
respond to each other in traffic. It's changed how we respond to
coworkers, how we respond to kids, friends and family. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My wife thinks I've
"exercised," my way into a space that has created a problem with how
I see the world and people. I obviously disagree, as I wrote above, I
want truth for better or worse. But its easy to play a character when
the sun is shining bright. Who are you in the dark? That's
what matters most, and nothing is close that, and if you don't take yourself
into that space to learn and know who you really are, life will take you on and
you will not be ready. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">----------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The antidote to all of this is
Empathy + Patience = Love. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Infinite possibilities of how... as
many numbers and languages and gestures and breaths and movements and
moments... endless opportunities for empathy and patience and more love.
No jealousy, no ego, no victims, no desperation... no teams, no code, no this
vs that…. we never have to run out of it, because we produce it. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">---------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It's titled "@home behind the
sun," from a lyric in a song, "<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/5715376676331812206/7188251988668613825"><span style="color: blue;">I wish I was an alien, at home behind the sun</span></a>."<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I wish I was a neutron bomb, for
once I could go off... I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on... I
wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on... the Christmas tree, I wish I
was the star that went on top... I wish I was the evidence, I was I was the
grounds... For fifty million hands upraised and open towards the sky... ... I
wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me.. I wish I was as fortunate
as fortunate as me... I wish I was the messenger and all the news was
good... I wish I was the full moon shining off of your cars hood... ... I wish
I was an alien at home behind the sun... I wish I was the souvenir you kept
your house key on.... I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on... I
wish I was the verb 'to trust,' and never let you down... </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Good memory. The only
song I can moderately play on acoustic, along with High and Dry by
Radiohead. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">----------<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am currently sitting in a... I
don't know what this is. Its not a bar, but they serve alcohol and sell
wine. Its not a coffee shop, but they serve coffee and tea and muffins (I
think)... whatever Vita in Sandusky is, it's totally amazing. I've never
been in a place like it. the music is excellent, the IPA is tasty,
the lights are low and I currently have it all to myself. I think I've
complimented the staff 4-5x and they're starting to wonder if I walked in drunk
(but I do want to sleep here, its that perfect). <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhD0ojalWB_nmBxyauFrmKmo2lMK5tUOypNssbqcvpuQFM2964Z0bxEeU_mSN8Hfcw6_Naz0gG2r2S3m_6Y4ier-oKsuGByKXMbe99fOhQN8kgoTpSdSSMPN7JqLf-ktGzywTHazSd5PbvYADSl0O0FQibIsxTemwZYPfsho9WyTgopVUg86GHEgibI=s2532" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1170" data-original-width="2532" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhD0ojalWB_nmBxyauFrmKmo2lMK5tUOypNssbqcvpuQFM2964Z0bxEeU_mSN8Hfcw6_Naz0gG2r2S3m_6Y4ier-oKsuGByKXMbe99fOhQN8kgoTpSdSSMPN7JqLf-ktGzywTHazSd5PbvYADSl0O0FQibIsxTemwZYPfsho9WyTgopVUg86GHEgibI=w640-h296" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span><p></p>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-67984586445212443662022-02-07T11:33:00.002-08:002022-02-07T11:33:53.376-08:00People Watching<p> I remember I was sitting near some people a few months back and I could hear their conversation. All about covid and lockdowns and then the vaccines and protocols surrounding it, on and on. Over x time, I could hear they were talking about friends and family and I could also clearly hear their personal stance on the subject... it was actually hard to listen because of all the above. </p><p>Fiends and family. It was depressing to hear. They were saying the type of things that would permanently damage a relationship. They literally were hoping to see people suffer for not taking not taking an experimental drug (which is now widely considered a factual statement) and they wanted to behave in a way to highlight they were <i><b>above</b></i> those they were speaking about. </p><p>No one knew anything. But they were all ready to play God and judge and ostracize and literally said "I hope they suffer." I watched them and thought how sad. <i> </i></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhfbMb8RerwUaCsN9rckrTCN60e-WSQ9Zmo6EbY8s4F6wsGsrQxD9drAEhf8RmEiaELLEDmdqQGa4CioBA5QaN2wPhfuNAqpWwmGLAo0rNg1RcDjntEjNkDQ2xOL1WqrGwd9bgwTQKtS-40UxiTaqVeBPT3RCLvmQQU68HsU_j3et_920FoD5HtolIX=s828" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="407" data-original-width="828" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhfbMb8RerwUaCsN9rckrTCN60e-WSQ9Zmo6EbY8s4F6wsGsrQxD9drAEhf8RmEiaELLEDmdqQGa4CioBA5QaN2wPhfuNAqpWwmGLAo0rNg1RcDjntEjNkDQ2xOL1WqrGwd9bgwTQKtS-40UxiTaqVeBPT3RCLvmQQU68HsU_j3et_920FoD5HtolIX=w400-h196" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-31780665262213482102022-01-29T14:07:00.000-08:002022-01-29T14:07:42.762-08:00Everlong<p> I read...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVDssAiqPtsm_3Cz8hQs0jfsr0buQj7rAK_YkktBRKmtbHRQCeZXfg6DNwTTHM9vPgyIWCMF27HOKtfoSw5E1ovyBJbjarsDFOPvrYuX3sBKjKAfhi0hVY7Sj19uWZEwEERsW0an1xyCw/s1029/ram+dass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1029" data-original-width="828" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVDssAiqPtsm_3Cz8hQs0jfsr0buQj7rAK_YkktBRKmtbHRQCeZXfg6DNwTTHM9vPgyIWCMF27HOKtfoSw5E1ovyBJbjarsDFOPvrYuX3sBKjKAfhi0hVY7Sj19uWZEwEERsW0an1xyCw/w321-h400/ram+dass.jpg" width="321" /></a></div><br /><p>...and I sat in my driveway and thought about this for a while. </p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-9385533681892454072021-10-25T10:33:00.006-07:002021-10-27T16:34:59.269-07:00Don't Lie to Yourself<p> I've had a lot of things on my mind lately that seem too... maybe uncomfortable, to bring up. </p><p>I've wondered who else is thinking things I'm thinking, so that can be a thing to be concerned about... not knowing a safe place to camp out for a night, you know? </p><p>I don't want to set this up much but please read it with a clear mind, not trying to project your own ideas. Or maybe read it multiple times from a variety of angles... not sure... not really sure how its all about to come out either... but i hope if you're a man reading this, it opens up an idea or thought or avenue to communicate. If you're a female, I hope it offers even a little insight and maybe an avenue to ask different questions or know when to say when.. sorry if it gets abstract, I'll try not to</p><p>so here goes...</p><p>I've had this thing on my mind and men are super weird about diving into it but I can see it all over their body language. I hear it in the timing in between the words. I hear it in the exhale. I see it in the posture, even if you think your chest and chin are up. It's in the silence. The extra long eye contact where there are some words sitting in there, but you wont say them until I reach in and grab them. </p><p>I know this because I have them too. </p><p>Here's some bullshit... <i>Men aren't supposed to have anxiety. Men don't get depressed. Suck it up, man up, move on. Deal w it. Get tough already. You can't sit in a room and not talk, people think you're weird. What do you have to deal with? Boys don't cry. </i></p><p>A "friend," text me once a few years ago, said he knew I was "off." I said "thanks man, just dealing with some depression..." Response: "<b>suck it up, lets go</b>." I don't blame him, he doesn't/didn't know, but I never engaged in a conversation like that again. I responded, "all good, I'm on it." If you know what I know, you don't respond "suck it up," you respond "lets meet up... when are you free next?" and you don't let go of that until you do. </p><p>Layer by layer, people slowly cover themselves up w mask after mask until they find one that fits well enough to keep moving forward without anyone detecting the truth. Someone can ask and the mask will answer first to protect the root layer of truth. Me and my friend talked about this a lot during sessions, but his mask was good, so layered, I didn't see what he was really showing me. And I tried to put math on it and say "he has kids, great jobs, money, attractive, people love him... he's good," until he's not good. </p><p>Those masks don't come off easy, they explode off. </p><p>The mask wants to hide the truth and show how tough you are. "Look how tough I am! I wont cry at my moms funeral!" and bullshit like that because you think it's important to show some sort of "strength," for your daughters, because it's something special to show. the mask lies.</p><p>The masks mean well. It thinks it's protecting you by creating a false persona for survival. But like everything else, there's a price to pay, especially when you lie. Lie knowingly to yourself and its magnified. </p><p>I believe this is the root cause of most depression and anxiety near us. Lying knowingly is one thing, <u>lie knowingly to yourself and the price you pay will be magnified.</u> It will slowly dissect your energy, piece by piece, until you are actually unrecognizable. Enough lies to yourself and you will no longer be the person you were before the lying. Once you're in, digging out of this is one hell of a situation because you've created an entirely new reality, all based on lies you told yourself. Getting out, is going back out the way you came and it's not easy. It takes a lot of work. </p><p>Don't let this happen. Don't let this happen to yourself or anyone near you. Do not compromise your actual being for what you perceive to be a need from an outside energy. What I mean is in the funeral example above. I thought I needed to show a character for the people that were looking at me, figurately and literally. Don't do that. My daughter Olivia didn't see me cry on that until this past year. That was long overdo and not real. People need real, not characters. </p><p>Take the masks off and be truthful. </p><p>If you need a few days to hide away, do it. </p><p>You need balance. </p><p>Men need a sense of tribal attachment and brotherhood. </p><p>Don't let your husband or boyfriend or brother or any of them wear the mask around you. Ask questions, disarm it, enjoy time, peel it off. Dissolve it. </p><p><i>---stop trying to be so cool and just write---</i></p><p style="text-align: left;"> I was standing w a friend, just me and him. We were just bullshitting about work and such, but I knew what was sitting there. I said "make sure you're taking time for yourself." He didn't even look at me. He looked down and nodded several times, "yeah." I continued, "I'm serious, I can feel what you didn't say." His eyes watered, he nodded again, "yeah." I persisted, "dont let this fade.... your kids need your energy to be right... it might feel forced but start going through the motions of things you know you like to do even if you don't feel like doing them. do them anyway, let the energy come back, i'll go with you."</p><p> I was sitting with another friend who went through a rough spell of depression and made some changes. Chicken or the egg, was it the life that created the depression or the depression that created the life? you don't know what you don't know. I know it was the lies he told himself that started to drown him. The mask couldn't keep up the act and it ate him away. So as we sat, I reassured him of his decisions but to not continue the lies. "If you want to get <i>back to good</i>, you have to be genuine and truthful in all ways..." even if they think you're weird. </p><p> When you see him quitting things he loves, when you see anxiety silence him, when he tells you he's exhausted, sit. You don't have to talk. There doesn't have to be an answer or a fix or a thing to discuss at all times. Silence in comfort works well. </p><p>Sometimes we just need to turn the world off for a little while. </p><p><br /></p><p>===</p><p>Just reread some a few days after writing... I think I lost my way briefly, but hope it helps. I think this topic is a much better discussion to record for a podcast vs blog. Interested?</p>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-43371710943338754062021-10-08T10:17:00.004-07:002022-11-05T14:07:15.081-07:00Lights On Go Dark<p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was in the process of updating my website, something that is always a challenge for me. What's too personal? What should look more professional? How much information is the right amount of information? </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">How much of <i>myself</i> is too much? </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I thought, Keep It Simple. Be straight forward, and just start creating... something I haven't done in a little while. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I walked away a few years ago. If you're reading this, good chance you saw the video. I left training and football, mostly because of my daughters. There was an energy flow as well, a bit of a "leak," where it went away and I struggled to keep the cup full and revving hot like I like it. So if its not hot, add in the need to see more of my daughters events, walking away from those 2 things felt like a nice relief.</p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I went all in on that (walking away). People talked to me about fitness and health, I played dumb. People would ask what I do or what I've been doing... "I work for a manufacturing company, real estate in the evenings and weekends." It was kind of fun to hear how people talk and the things they wonder about involving health, nutrition, movement, etc., and just sit there listening, nodding, maybe telling them to google a question. I wasn't being an asshole, I just unplugged that part of my brain. "What gym should my wife join?" was about the only question/topic that elevated my heart rate (the answer is Titans or Hambden Health & Fitness). </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Little by little, drip by drip, things started happening around me. More conversations were near me, I ignored them less. Jumped in and answered a few questions. It felt good. I still let it slide though, thought back to who I used to be... even said that same line out loud to friends, "trying to find who I used to be," because <i>he</i> seemed to not be present. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Drips kept coming. And coming. Little by little, I involved myself and answered more questions, gave more info and it felt really good again. It felt good to be useful. It felt good to have the words to ignite the light inside someone else's head to make them go ah haaa. I could feel some of that energy start to circulate again. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started looking around the room differently.</p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank you Covid. You and your puppets have said all the right things. Covid truth and the puppets lies has been what I needed to reignite the energy inside the darkness. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Since my mom passed, the darkness has been a strange place for me. I didn't hate it. I liked "disappearing." Again, my previous writings give this context, and my thoughts on a living suicide are part of this idea, because that's what I did, or tried to do. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I read a quote after Conor McGregors last lost from Tim Grover. "He was exposed by the limelight and never found his way back to true darkness that had allowed him to win." Two things in this got my attention. 1) This guy, Tim Grover, knows the darkness the way I like it. 2) Tim Grover was my very first training inspiration way back when WebTv came around.. think about that year. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I "dogboned," one day (I believe that's what the search engine was called, long before you could google), Michael Jordans workout, because I didn't know shit. I knew I wanted to train like an athlete and I wanted to train athletes. Tim Grover popped up, along with the workout routine he ran MJ through, free on the internet. So the timing of seeing Grover again on IG after many years passed, writing what he wrote, then I read the books on his mindset, I knew, I know, its a door I have to step back through. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's where I live. It's where I come alive. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">The darkness of Covid woke me up. Seeing all these people relinquish the trust of their own bodies, it reminded me of my mom. All this trust to a system that needs you sick in order to continue their way of profit and life. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just like her. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am not anti-vax, I'm not anti science in anyway. I'm pro truth. Pro-logic. Pro-facts. Don't misread me and project your own feelings on the words I wrote. This situation has highlighted the level of lack of education in our own human bodies. People that are chowing on potato chips, yelling at the tv, telling healthy 20 year olds to get a shot kinda blows my mind. Its not a planet I want to live on but I'm not on Elons space ship yet. So like Gandhi said "Be the change," lets roll. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Are some shots good? Yep. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Know what's real good? Cardio. Lifting weights. Yoga. Walking in the park. Getting sunshine. Hanging with your friends. Reading books. Breathing heavy. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Know what's bad? Limiting your oxygen intake. NOT being in the sun. Stressing about money and jobs and gas prices. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Know what boosts your immune system? Movement. Walking. Eating vegetables. Sunshine. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">Know what's bad for your immune system? Giving a fuck about your social media feed. Sitting on the couch too much. Staying inside. Limiting oxygen with undies over your nose and mouth. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I've written it 100x 100 different ways. It was in the Power Programs, it was on the fields and in the yoga studios. It came out of my mouth daily. You have the tools inside of yourself. You just have to flip the switches and get after it. </p><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can help you make that happen. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUuPeAcWJNRrIwPb-SNwI3ibprybkJw2ytNoBsHq4ue5t_jApxvoAZoRkpR6opVGOck7I1xagvZpyHQCxKoqlcoHkCTu6A9fp1ApH1ZL_dRQC4DyElVcb3dlqEmScGweZME_OupCMoR3U/s874/unnamed.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="874" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUuPeAcWJNRrIwPb-SNwI3ibprybkJw2ytNoBsHq4ue5t_jApxvoAZoRkpR6opVGOck7I1xagvZpyHQCxKoqlcoHkCTu6A9fp1ApH1ZL_dRQC4DyElVcb3dlqEmScGweZME_OupCMoR3U/s320/unnamed.jpg" width="303" /></a></div><br /><p data-pm-slice="1 1 []" style="text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-1327169963059261872021-08-22T18:31:00.003-07:002021-08-22T18:31:24.539-07:00A Little of This... <p> From 2009-mid 2017, I wrote over 230 entries, 77,000 readers. </p><p>From mid-2017 to about an hour ago, I've written 12. </p><p>Went from over 28 per year to 3 per year. </p><p>But 77 were written, saved as drafts, just never hit the PUBLISH button. </p><p>The "energy," just went away. Like a switch, the lights went out. </p><p>I'm not trying to start it off as another boo-hoo post, this is about the appreciation of energy. Not the energy that revs you up for a run or a game or a moment. Just energy. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Maybe I can spit something out.. <br /><p><br /></p><p>I believe we do actually have "switches," of sorts. We can things on and off inside. Might be easier for some than others, but they're there. Have you ever known anyone to just wake up one day and start an exercise program? I have. Just 0-100, just like that. they just flipped a switch. People often find themselves in situations where its time to plant the foot a redirect the energy. Maybe its left, maybe right, maybe its just to tighten up into the ground and prepare for a storm. They just flipped the switch and turned it on. </p><p>Have you ever had a conversation with someone you barely knew, or maybe just someone you didn't know very well (its not the same thing)? One day, you have a conversation and the talk goes a layer deeper than usual. Maybe two or three. Next thing you know, 90 minutes, 2 hours, just floated away and you sat there talking about nothing and everything, and it was excellent. An energetic exchange. </p><p>Have you ever had an encounter checking out groceries? Maybe a weird or awkward thing happened and the young person fumbled through everything but still laughed and made fun, like breaking character of playing "grocery store employee,' and you both laugh. Then you walk out lighter. An appreciation for the moment and "break," lingered and made you pause.... that was cool. That's some energy. </p><p>You walk down that street out of blossom, headed for the car. Crowds of people all around, everyone just buzzing off that encore performance, everyone can feel it. It's not just a "that band rocked," thing or nostalgia thing. It's a thing that happens when 30,000 people stand together and sing and dance and focus energy on a source. </p><p>What goes on in Church? I believe that's what group prayer is about. </p><p>A good yoga room energy... that's something good. I do miss that juice. </p><p>When you can combine some of that yoga energy into football drill energy, that's some reeaal good energy. </p><p>Breakthroughs happen everywhere. The mat, the field, the office, the bar, the gym, the woods, the options are unlimited. But we have to be aware and be willing to receive. Awareness and receiving are hand in hand. </p><p>We agree on smell, taste, touch, sight, sound. Maybe we agree because that's currently all we know and all we can prove. Would it be odd to wonder if there are more? </p><p>How do box up the energy exchange? How do we label it so we can address it, teach it and explain it so more can be aware? </p><p>Baby steps. </p><p>People pray together. Sing together. Move together. Communicate with each other. Dance together. They hold hands. They cheer together and eat together. We know that energy. What it does to our soul, how we feel and how to moves us forward... you can imagine some right now and even get a jolt in your seat. Careful now! </p><p>Maybe they bitch a little together, we know how that goes. All too well. I dont even want to write any bad energy.. but know how that swells around us to. I have to stop there. </p><p><br /></p><p>Which energy do you want? Go do those things that provide that energy.</p><p>Which energy do you not want? Good, stop doing those thing that provide that energy. </p><p>You may have to redirect your life. There will be sacrifice, somehow, someway. There always is. Sacrifice is absolutely unavoidable so just accept it now as part of the ride and roll with it as it comes. Because what you'll probably find your sacrificing is actually rooted somewhere inside, that clings to the negative, that darkness, that energetic black hole. The part of your life that holds onto the moments that leave you feeling like shit, need to be "sacrificed." </p><p>Might be a habit. Might be a relationship. Might be your music. Might be your phone. Might be your current level of health. Might be your drink. Might be the books you are reading. </p><p>You have a song you listen to and when its over, you're like "fuck yeah!" Play it again. One more time. Then the next decision, make it with that song as your energy. </p><p>Then do it again. </p><p>One more time. </p><p>How'd that go? </p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b>(PUBLISH)</b></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>It's a little weird being a little weird. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-90856142792616288582021-04-05T08:06:00.005-07:002021-04-05T11:43:46.951-07:00Show Me The Money! <p>On the Blue Chip Mindset page, I wrote: </p><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">All these incentives to get a brand new, fairly unproven vax. Seems odd people need to be paid to jump in line. Shows me a few things about facts, character and thought processes. </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Most importantly it made me wonder if anyone has ever tried to “incentivize,” and continually educate healthy habits. </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I understand. People are scared. </div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Be afraid of the real possibilities that are slowly building up behind the scenes. Diabetes, cancer, chronic joint pain, etc. I see people shitting their pants to get this shot yet pop a pill to focus, pop another pill to get aroused, pop another pill to settle down for sleep, pop another pill for blood pressure, pop another pill for pain, pop another pill for anxiety, it never fucking ends. But we’re a nation of control and consumerism.... we’re seeing those two trains at full throttle coming right down the tracks </div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">——</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: #242526; color: #e4e6eb; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I used to think we were all very similar. Maybe this has shown additional truth that I/we continue to learn every day.</div></div><p>Where I wrote, "Be afraid of the real possibilities building up behind the scenes," that stuck with me for a few hours, days actually. I admit, sometimes I'll write something then reflect later and wonder if I expressed it properly. Was it too harsh? Too vague? Did I misinterpret something and lost someone? It's a touchy situation right now, easy to piss people off and then lose opportunity for further education and understanding... that's not good. </p><p>But I cant help but see the irony and the infinite cycle of the thoughts and actions that are revolving around us. </p><p>I've always felt heath and wellness was a financial issue. I've written and talked about that for 15 years. Someone may counter with "education," but they go hand in hand. Finances, unfortunately are the primary source to open the field of education. Again, the volley would be that education is free now, all over the internet. But the information has been so compromised, so fragile, I don't think most people know fact from fiction, science from style, and if you dont have a moderate-strong understanding of our own bodies, you'll lose enthusiasm for the material and give up and give in. Which is why obesity continues to climb. </p><p>Many people over think what to do in gyms. Many people over think what an exercise program is. This is probably one of the places I "failed," as a personal trainer. I did not let people lean on me for the long haul. I told everyone, "the goal is to not need me for very long." When you're trying to educate people to the point of "not needing me," that's not a very strong business model. An honest one, yes, but nothing you can retire from. </p><p>That's the difference between me and the things I see in so many other people. I saw it in my mother and her addiction to the doctors words over mine. After-all, shouldn't we trust another human that has spent $150,000+ on an education, has a new title in front of their name and hangs degrees and certs everywhere? Sounds like these people are on the up and up, right? We should trust them! Right? But how many doctors say "the goal is to not need me for very long"?</p><p>How many stories do you know where someone needs a prescription to cure an issue then the prescription creates another issue? So now there's two new meds circulating. "Med 1 effects Med 2... maybe if we adjust Med 1...." and off they go. Sales & Marketing. </p><p>That will offend many people. </p><p>Has science and medicine cured and saved many? We know the answer is yes. But we also know there is a darkside that's been corrupted. Ever spend time in the Seidman Cancer Center? Ever spend hours there wondering how much money they make? How about the mark up on something simple like... oh, idk.. insulin? </p><p>Medicine makes money. To continue the billion dollar industry, they need sick people. How do they create sickness? </p><p>Keep people dumb. Keep them confused. Scare them. Keep people leaning on doctors and the system. </p><p>If people knew and believed they could stay healthy with fruits, vegetables, proper serving sizes, variety of movements and cardio... would their system make as much money? </p><p>How does this thought align with what we see in todays world?</p><p>Then weave all the other stories into this.... follow the money and you'll find the truth. You wont like it. You wont want to believe it. But if you follow the money and have a beginners understanding of the depth of corruption possible, you'll start thinking about things a little more deeply. </p><p><br /></p><p>Somewhat off-topic, but does effect what I wrote above, that someone may attempt to debate. Cholesterol. (generic but accurate)</p><p>One of the functions of <b>cholesterol </b>is to help build healthy cells and produce <b>testosterone</b>. </p><p>Balanced, appropriate levels of <b>testosterone</b> help stabilize/regulate sex drive, fat-muscle ratio, muscle mass and strength. </p><p>Lean muscle helps run the <b>metabolism</b> "hot," burning off unnecessary fat cells, therefore <b>reducing the risk of diabetes, heart disease, inflammations, </b>joint pain, etc. </p><p>Do you know what other disease loves chewing up and strengthening itself off of inflammation? </p><p>Cancer. </p><p>So why do we have over 35,000,000 taking cholesterol meds vs educating, promoting and incentivizing a healthy lifestyle? </p><p>The government, pharmaceutical companies, hospitals, etc., do not make (enough) money at the salad bar. Your garden in the backyard isnt regulated or taxed. </p><p>---</p><p>Overall point: Remove their power by owning every decision in your life. Your health and happiness is on you. </p><p>----</p><p>Anyone else concerned about a person that: Is the money behind the vaccines (may even hold a patent on them); was a financial contributor to the lab in Wuhan; on record warning of over population; and now owns 242,000 acres of United States farmland? </p><p>Follow the money. </p><p>---</p><p>More facts. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6XpLt63mtUGhReWLwMZcrY4FM_lLRhVdGouW_1HIP_O2QGZMql1_TS_e0wvUUtWo-Xk33JtbfBVHr0Zv9sMrlDWfhFRIV_RdstyjlUtBB3WfXHIjbCA-rp8UkdT720xt6_Dn_4rdeEZs/s960/IMG-6477.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="936" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6XpLt63mtUGhReWLwMZcrY4FM_lLRhVdGouW_1HIP_O2QGZMql1_TS_e0wvUUtWo-Xk33JtbfBVHr0Zv9sMrlDWfhFRIV_RdstyjlUtBB3WfXHIjbCA-rp8UkdT720xt6_Dn_4rdeEZs/s320/IMG-6477.JPG" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNJ-Se0GdJtB_MCN3SIzA_2hsyShG0ktueOKab_DwHL_3wWkf04e1chLpg0OmFIjhbtjLLQDqaet-J-JZwO4XZNPzYU47PuVO4u1bvSWQYKgDI_nuidT2aPHn5eahu5EyYML6qENrNDGw/s972/IMG-6518.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="972" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNJ-Se0GdJtB_MCN3SIzA_2hsyShG0ktueOKab_DwHL_3wWkf04e1chLpg0OmFIjhbtjLLQDqaet-J-JZwO4XZNPzYU47PuVO4u1bvSWQYKgDI_nuidT2aPHn5eahu5EyYML6qENrNDGw/s320/IMG-6518.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-16894964222659078532020-11-11T13:44:00.002-08:002020-11-11T13:44:12.564-08:00All or None<p> Sensitive times... </p><p>Everyone's right. </p><p>You're definitely wrong.</p><p>Racist or insane? </p><p>Selfish or short term thinker? </p><p>You have not lived long enough... not enough experience to know.</p><p>You've been here too long... time for young blood.</p><p>"Hold up... none of that is me, I don't know who he's talking about..."</p><p>...but someone thinks you are. </p><p><i><b>WE</b></i> think <b><i>WE'RE</i></b> right. So if <i><b>WE'RE</b></i> right, <i><b>THEY </b></i>must be wrong. Right? </p><p>Right? </p><p>But I'm pro-police... so I must be racist. </p><p>And I do feel we have a deep layer of systematic racism still at play... so all cops and judges are bad. </p><p><br /></p><p>or maybe, just maaaaybe, we're all being played. Are there bad cops? yep. Are there racists? yep. Are there assholes of all sorts? yep. Are there even black or minority racists? yep. All that is true. There's bad doctors, there's bad politicians, there's bad teachers, bad parents, bad bosses, bad everything. It's true. It all exists out there in the world. You may have had experiences with one or all the above. I'm sorry to hear that. </p><p>I am not one of them. I can easily scan through my phone and find a hundred people who would say the same for themselves. </p><p>There's a very weird space where we can say as an individual human, "I am ____," or "I am not ____," but then we see these masses of individuals on television forming a type of tribe and think "jeez, they must all be _____." I'm sorry, its not even a television, its a social media app. A social media app that makes a lot of money keeping you engaged. </p><p>So how real is it? </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEFytjdYP_vZuMEdt340sAM7GFF_4AUOYYV4m8zuIvoaimRU212vrdL6i6mJ7Mrior8XkqmNE88zdTNx5hVpk0Z1tJqI13uqsn5rghbvYqvbcHd_aTCE8o070-_Wo9Mk7rs3BrzsJCPb0/s725/duncan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="689" data-original-width="725" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEFytjdYP_vZuMEdt340sAM7GFF_4AUOYYV4m8zuIvoaimRU212vrdL6i6mJ7Mrior8XkqmNE88zdTNx5hVpk0Z1tJqI13uqsn5rghbvYqvbcHd_aTCE8o070-_Wo9Mk7rs3BrzsJCPb0/s320/duncan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Pretty good, right? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As individuals, we don't have this anger and hate and fear. But we create a symbol of a thing that is <i>not</i> us and we must conquer it. I think this is ironic. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">"Why is this ironic?"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Because creating an external suppressor (and both sides have) is much easier to deal with than dealing with yourself. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">...And then when we can paint friends and neighbors into the tribe that is <i>not</i> us, now we have a real deal going</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm may say a few things that may read hypocritical. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I might not make perfect sense. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I might say "maybe," a lot. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Because I dont know anything. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But there's a math here and trying to re-scramble the numbers, because everything I'm reading doesn't add up. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We dont trust anything... maybe for a really good reason. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Looks like the govt owns the media. Someone definitely owns the media and it does not appear to be actual journalists. So we pretty much know we're not getting unbiased info. We're getting click bait and sensationalism because they really need your face glued to whatever face they have staring back at you. I don't know the names of many stations, but I hear station x leans left and station y leans right. Twitter is censoring people, instagram is removing hashtags, Zuckerberg sold all the info to the CIA.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Zoom out... </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Remove yourself from yourself and take a seat high above the country. Lets slide time back to early 2020... walk yourself through March... April... May... think of everything that happened as an unbiased observer... think of the order of things... think of how moving one decision to one space, created a reaction in another space... June... July... will school start on time? August... September... October... November.. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I hope you were able to review without judgment... try again. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Look at ALLLL of those events and moments that snowballed into more events and moments and it somehow all connected to one scenario. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Keep thinking. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Isnt this all a little too odd? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We've been so busy tribing up and hating those who are <i>not</i> us, we stopped paying attention. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Stress levels have gone skyyyyYYYY high. We're walking around, wearing masks - worried about covid and the cure... how about that? We don't know what's scarier, covid or the "cure?" Everyone says "boy we need that vaccine," and now we here its 90% effective. But I dont know if I know one person ready to be first in line. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We cant seem to trust a government operation to count ballots, you think I'm going to trust a rushed and clearly politically motivated vaccine? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Or maybe everything is just a political tool. Even us. A bunch of tools. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I've seen some really weird things on social media... </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A lot of violence. Maybe we're really not as advanced as we think or wish we were. Maybe we just really suck, but really good at projecting versions of people we wish we were... maybe thats why everyone is so depressed. The acting. The pretending to be good and decent is exhausting and we eventually crack and the real deal comes out. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Maybe. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A lot of posturing. Same as above but maybe more gross. The above "pretending," is probably subconscious, we dont even know its what we do, its so deep. But the posturing is a gross decision. It's where people think, then decide, "I want to be viewed as _____." </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">"What's the cool thing I can be now? I'll posture up and become it."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A lot of fear. It's sad. I've read and searched too much, things I wish I didnt. Sat and thought too much about things I wish I didnt. The future feels uncertain, more than ever and that lack of vision is shaky. I'm speaking as a culture, as a society. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We have badly lost our way. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A lot of abuse. Abuse of power. Abuse of influence. Thats pretty bad. To intentionally deceive. no accidents. "I am going to bait you in and trick you and then I own your thoughts."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I dont blame a politician. I dont blame a cop. I dont blame the news. I dont blame God. I dont blame the older generations. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I blame myself. And I think you should do the same. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I dont really care much but what any dumbshit on television says, no matter if behind a podium or playing basketball. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I say I blame myself and I think you should do the same, for a reason. But first think. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Think "I am responsible for this," and I dont mean the events. I dont blame myself for covid, dont do that. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I blame myself for my emotions and the reactions they've created inside of myself. (I want to say "im sorry if that reads crazy," but I cant.. think). </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If we all took personal accountability and <i><u>owned</u></i> everything in our personal world. Every outcome, we worked to steer it properly, mindfully, to secure the best outcome for each other... </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Remember when we were little and afraid to act up, especially as we got closer to Christmas? If we got in trouble in March, "santa," would forget that one. But if we f'd up in December? Santa will absolutely find out. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So we checked our own behavior. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Then as I got older, it was coach. Act up, coach will find out.... you should see me shaking my head even right now... coach finds out, it will not go well. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So we checked our own behavior. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Maybe the lack of religion and faith has left us we no coach, santa or great judge assisting us to check our own behavior. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And maybe this lack of faith has influenced also a lack of shame. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Remember when we would do something we knew was wrong, and the conversation we had in our own heads weighed us down? We knew we were wrong, but we did it anyway and now we feel like shit. We judged ourselves. Good. Shame. It's needed. Do something stupid, you should feel like shit about it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But do we? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm not innocent. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm just sitting in my basement, listening to The Doors, trying to feel "ok," about being called a racist for living in a county that voted for Donald Trump. That bothers me. For one, it was a friend. Should I say former friend? Or is he as confused as everyone else? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Rogan referenced Reagans reference to "Alien watchers," and I wondered. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">How insanely embarrassing it would be if all the lights turned on and the curtain fell and there's the crowd... staring at us... in complete disbelief about our behavior and what we've done with this opportunity. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Can you have faith and be progressive? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is there wiggle room for a variation of human evolution while maintaining tradition? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We stopped communicating respectfully and because of that, we've removed opportunities for compromise and understanding. Because WE are right and THEY are wrong and absolutely nothing else except our ideas and opinions could possibly make any sense. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">---</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That's how I'm feeling today.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-69430480192723590062020-06-27T20:28:00.002-07:002020-06-27T20:28:22.368-07:00A Drop from the OceanI'm not sure if I'm religious, but I'm confident in my faith. <br />
<br />
I'm disappointed. A lot of you are too. <br />
I promise, I don't intend this to be a long, political rant. We could all use a break from that. <br />
This is personal. <br />
<br />
I recorded a video last Sunday, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCO_Wydxddk" target="_blank">link here</a>, where I used a quote from Aubrey Marcus that I believe he rounded out from someone else. <br />
"You are a drop from the ocean, and the ocean forgot."<br />
<br />
It was a video about perspective. Perspective on time, maybe importance and priorities. Maybe more that I didn't realize. <br />
<br />
You are a drop from the ocean, and the ocean forgot. <br />
<br />
I remember struggling for words occasionally, only because I was worried that if I came off too casual or unconcerned, someone would think the recent events are not that important. As if the quote and interpretations could mean "eh, whats the big deal in the grand scheme anyway?"<br />
<br />
Within the perspective of time, I am actually saying that and then the opposite. This is a blip that the future will discuss and dissect, but you will not be remembered. In the infinite, this is nothing.<br />
But it is our everything. <br />
It's our everything of our everything. <br />
Infinite means very little to us, now, because we will not touch it as humans. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(uh oh, here we go)</span><br />
<br />
It's our everything and to most people alive, this is the most important phase we have ever known. My frustration is that we behave opposite of both of my scenarios. <br />
<br />
We don't blow it off like "eh, whats the big deal anyway?" and we certainly don't treat it like our everything is on the line. <br />
Is there space between? I don't think so, not anymore. I think we were already floating in that space between, and that is what has landed us where we are. <br />
<br />
We need structure and freedom. <br />
We need limits and choice. <br />
You will immediately want to argue this, but look at your life. Do you not operate better with some routine? Do things not run more smoothly for you when you have plans? That's structure, you are free to choose the structure that fits x outcome. <br />
<br />
I think we play chicken with dangerous scenarios when we lean choice and freedom too far away structure and limits. No one wants a lawless world, but we also do not want to live under martial law. We want balance. Or at least I do. I continue to write "we," as if you've been nodding along... have you? <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There are over 328,000,000 currently living in the United States of America (man, I want to feel pride in those 5 words again soon) and nearly 8,000,000,000 in the world. If we want all lives, across the entire planet to have importance, healthy lives, we need great unity. A common vision.<br />
<br />
We cannot see people as statistics or numbers. <br />
They are us, we are them, living a different existence. <br />
I've said many times, where you born, who you born to, on and on, it was luck. Being able to type this out tonight, was luck. You reading this on you iPhone, a lot of luck. <br />
Because it's 2020 and you are alive to read this in the greatest phase this planet and our entire everything has ever known. Do you not feel a massive calling to level up your life in every opportunity? Do you still not understand that although we are drop of water from the ocean, and the ocean forgot, we are everything. <br />
Because it might be all we'll ever know, finite. <br />
That's good pressure. <br />
<br />
Have conversations and influence progressive dialogue. People will say crazy things, educate, don't shut it down. Push-push is combat, push-counter-pull is momentum. <br />
<br />
I do not think this is that hard, so it's definitely not impossible. It's not a crazy dream, it should be our direction and future. <br />
<br />
<br />
-----<br />
<br />
<br />
I've been noticing more birds lately... maybe I'm just taking the time to notice them. <br />
I ran and sat in the park to stretch. Actually kicked off the socks/shoes and relaxed in the grass for a little while. Nothing to see but trees and grass. <br />
And I just stared and zoned out on nothing. It was a great, needed moment. And my first thought was "opportunity." <br />
We are too great to suffer the way we are. We have opportunities in every moment. Win them. Win moments, with one decision at a time, in every way. The next choice that comes along, make the best decision you can with all information you can. Put that habit on repeat for the day and watch what happens. <br />
It starts with micro to build a strong macro. <br />
<br />
8,000,000,000 micros... one great decision at a time. <br />
I see a worldwide culture shift. Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-71484772080831532832020-04-24T15:51:00.002-07:002020-04-24T15:51:38.921-07:00Quick Note to Young AthletesIn no certain order...<br />
<br />
1) Find a role model<br />
Find a few. Find as many as you need. Find one for skill x, another for skill y, etc. There are no limits, no rules. <br />
I believe you have to see someone, dream of being them, then maybe even catching and beating them. By doing this, you will force yourself to level up whatever skill it is that you see in this person, because it's a) on your mind and when its on your mind b) you will start to copy the behavior. It wont be perfect, but it will be improvement. And with enough improvement, 1% improvement everyday, that's momentum and action and you're on your way to becoming.<br />
<br />
2) Have an Imagination<br />
This goes right along w the above. A lot of us just watched episodes 1&2 of the MJ documentary. Do you know how many kids grew up <i>imagining</i> they were Mike? <br />
Kobe did. Probably 80% of the current NBA did too. <br />
So whatever your sport, find your MJ and imagine you are him. <br />
<br />
3) If You Really Want It, Get Obsessed<br />
A lot of coaches, leaders, quote masters have said "You get out, what you put in," (I think thats the quote). It's true and unless you are the 1% of the 1% of the 1%, its absolutely true. If you train only when the weather is nice, only when your machine is open, only when you're in the mood or only when coach says it's mandatory, you will not be very good and will not reach your potential. <br />
Be obsessed.<br />
Right now, a lot of young people are on their own for training, so what will you/they do? Wait for school to open and coach to call? Or get an edge on the "competition," now? <br />
If you want to reach your peak, if you want to optimize your time and experience, you have to go all in, and do it in every way you can think of. That's nutrition, that's proper sleep, that's training, that's film study, that's reaching out for advice, everything. No stone un-turned. Lift, run, stretch, walk, sprint, train your mind to be tougher than ever...<br />
<br />
4) Train Your Mind<br />
My middle daughter, Livi, wants to play high school volleyball and we were talking the other day about training. She asked what the Eastside girls used to do. I told her "It was half physical, half mental..." She wondered about the mental. <br />
I would add a variety of elements to any random session to spark an emotional reaction. Totally intentional every time. Reason being, shit happens. Game or life, shit happens and we have to regain focus and rally back. The only way to do that when it matters is to practice it. <br />
One of the greatest tools you can have is to be able to do this to yourself. You wont be able to surprise yourself with a sudden drill you didn't see coming, but you can choose to do some of the hardest drills possible and hold yourself accountable to perform as absolutely best as possible. <br />
Set your own personal goals for physical achievement, even from session to session. Find a set of stairs and time yourself to the top, how long did it take? Now go back down, recover for 30 seconds and repeat 14 more times, all trying to beat the preceding sprint. <br />
Be Obsessed with beating your time. What would your role model do? Imagine it. <br />
<br />
Training your mind is everything. Laser focus to execute the task at hand and that task should be alignment with x goal. If it is not, you need to change the task or the goal. Otherwise you are wasting time. Read that again. <br />
If the task at hand is not in alignment with the goal, either your task/drill/practice is wrong, or your goal is wrong. The choice is yours to pick. Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-32330296006304525972020-01-28T19:17:00.001-08:002020-01-28T19:17:24.526-08:00A Good Week For This One... A few months ago I was driving with Livi, my middle child. She's 13, plays pretty much any instrument; athlete; 4.0 student; but for some reason, even given all the great things she does, everyone says shes mini me. I'm laughing right now thinking of some dumb, maybe rude, joke she would make and I would be the only one laughing hard, then someone just says, "see?"<br />
Anyway, theres that part you have to know for this make sense. <br />
So we're driving, and she makes fun of me, comparing my jokes to my moms jokes. I thought about how much sense that made given all I really tried to do around her was make her, my mom, laugh at something she shouldn't laugh at. And that's what Livi now does to me. <br />
<br />
So then later on I was giving this more thought... thinking about how circular things are. How "vision," can come and go. How an old view from a new angle to change everything. <br />
We just shifted... i became ____ and she became ____... make sense? <br />
We just slide a mark to the left every now and then, making our way off stage. <br />
<br />
Or are we....?<br />
<br />
Because a lyric hits me now when I think like that (insert arrow up). I've been asked to stop writing so dark and talking about crazy shit, but... its my page. And its needed, it makes sense of things. It adds a variable or angle. <br />
Anyway, they lyric:<br />
"Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in my head."<br />
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/fhzf3t-7ayI/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fhzf3t-7ayI?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
And I gave a lot of time to thinking about energy. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Energy of our thoughts. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
A deep, controlled energy.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Thought about ourselves as energy. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Energy just temporarily operating within mammal.... what can the energy create w this mammal?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
What can the energy create that the mammal hasn't realized yet? </div>
<h3 style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><b>STOP! </b> That idea is too much fun, I will continue that idea at a late date.</span></h3>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Where the energy of these thoughts took me... </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
some peace. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The lyric...<i> those who are dead, are not dead, they're just living in my head...</i></div>
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Doesn't that feel better? </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Those that arent here, can still be here to a degree.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I will gladly hold on to a degree. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
And with that, the energy, the energy we all share. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Always shared. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We come and we go and the energy can continue. It can build momentum, that's what we mean when performing "in honor of," isn't it? </div>
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Give this some thought.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
yes, i am 100% sober. </div>
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I'm sure you wondered at some point. </div>
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<br /></div>
<br />Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-244819681411459262020-01-01T17:56:00.003-08:002020-01-01T17:56:43.734-08:00Did That Make Sense?Hello.<br />
<br />
1/1/20... we know how it goes, new "chapter," and all that. This one maybe a bit unique with the decade flipping, able to look back on the previous 10 years. <br />
Not something I actively do though (but we know subconscious has a way of its own). <br />
<br />
Forward. <br />
<br />
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!!<br />
I hate those memes and pics mocking new years resolutions. Such an uppity, hipster, shit thing to do. "Here come the new year, new me..." with an eye roll figure. I'm not about that. Anything you can do to help light a spark and get it going, go for it. If 1/1/20 is the trick, excellent. If 2/1/20 is the date, cool too. (Just don't keep pushing it back, right that goal list and get after it... the clock is ticking)<br />
<br />
That all being said, lets talk about a healthy mindset to assist your track.<br />
<br />
There is a universe of information floating around you, day and night, on your phone, on the radio, even popping up on your screen because you iPhone once heard you say "KETO," and now you have 15 amazon ads everyday. INFORMATION EVERYWHERE.<br />
What is right?<br />
But the better question, what is right for <i>you?</i><br />
This is where many books, podcasts and social media "influencers," (aka know it alls), drop the ball. <br />
Friends will recommend a documentary, someone you follow on social media will recommend a book and a 3rd person will tell their success story. All good. All could even be true. But true for them. <br />
Could it work for you? For sure.<br />
But it may also not.<br />
But how? Why? All these books, all these fads, all these "professionals," selling their info, all claiming to have <i>thee</i> answer, how can there be so much confusion?<br />
It's very simple and thats the problem. Too often, we dont want simple. Simple doesn't sell many books. Simple is one sentence. <br />
Eat Real Food. <br />
As I write "how simple!" I also know Eat Real Food is just the beginning. I ask next, What are your fitness goals? Are you trying to gain or lose? Tone up or bulk up? Any injuries? Any family health history like diabetes, cancer, Alzheimer? Whats your genetic history or nationality? <br />
That all matters to a point. If you're 80lbs overweight, both parents had/have diabetes, eastern European descent, I would still say Eat Real Food but I would also steer you differently than I would someone with a more clean health history, looking to lose 25lbs and parents are from South America. <br />
Why?<br />
Macros matter. <br />
BUT do not overthink it.... not at all. You will know how to align your own nutrition if you <i>listen to your body, not your mind.</i> Should you or a professional count cals for a few days to give an educated assessment? Absolutely. You want to feel confident about your track. You'll be putting a lot of time, energy and heart into this, you need to feel strong mentally. But also, don;t be worried or flustered if you have to adjust. <br />
Listen to your body...<br />
a quick example, the sugar crave. Super common early on with those changing up their nutrition. You may find moments where you really, really, REALLY want to chomp on some bread or chocolate, maybe even a soda. This is your body looking for sugar. NOT ALL SUGARS ARE THE SAME. Not sure why this line is getting blurry, but science is still science and sugar in a soda is very different than sugar in an apple. Also, sugar from an apple even digests differently than organic apple juice. Free t-shirt to anyone who knows why...<br />
3<br />
<br />
2<br />
<br />
1<br />
<br />
No shirt for you!<br />
<br />
Answer: Fiber. <br />
The apple has it, the apple juice does not. Therefore the apple juice is nearly as shitty as the soda, from a sugar only perspective. The presence of fiber in the real apple with that sugar forces your body to digest slower, using it as a long lasting fuel (no insulin dump), whereas the juice does just the opposite (a little more science, but thats the gist). No fiber, so its a quick sugar buzz, we go up real, we crash real fast. Like a gatorade or snickers, it fixed the "I need a carb," but it hurt you. <br />
Eat Real Food and avoid sugar. <br />
<br />
Should you eat carbs? Sure, depends which ones, when and why? But again... SIMPLE. <br />
Can you pick it from the ground? Off a tree? Eat it. <br />
Is it in a cardboard box? Then no. Be literal. <br />
Can you have the chick fila sandwich on a whole grain bun? Only if you've seen a tree that grows those magical buns. A Whole Grain Bun Tree? Maybe someday. <br />
<br />
Would this be better as a facebook live? You could ask questions, I can stutter and get nervous, it'll be a hoot. <br />
<br />
Generically, you can eat potatoes but again, this is all dependent on your goals. If you're trying to drop weight, reduce inches, etc., cut back on the portion of carbs. Simple, right?<br />
Swap out rice for quinoa. Rice is still ok, but quinoa is fantastic and far more powerful. <br />
No noodles. Same as the whole grain bun... no noodle tree, no noodles. <br />
<br />
Everyone is different, different genetics, different health history, different damages, different everything. So there is no perfect diet that everyone can fit into. Use logic. <br />
<br />
<br />
Same for your training and I wont ramble much longer.<br />
Do what feels good to help you build some momentum and the habit of the gym or yoga or power walks, whatever it might be. Don't think you're going to lose 10lbs on day 1. This will take time. <br />
Once you're comfortable and ready to push hard, I do recommend doing a few different things, and I'm again, I'm writing this for the "newer," gym goer or someone just looking to dive back in. <br />
Lift weights.<br />
Take a yoga class.<br />
Do something to breathe hard. <br />
<br />
If your weights are too easy... pick up a bigger one.<br />
If you think yoga is silly or "easy," free class on me. Yoga is a real game changer for everything in life.<br />
Hard breathing to train your actual cardiovascular system. I tell people that and they look at me like I just redefined the word. Yes, "cardio," is not just a form of torture on a stair stepper. The primary reason for those torture devices is to actually train your heart, lungs, blood vessels and everything else to handle more movement at an elevated heart rate. Ever been so out of shape that 2 flights of stairs made it where you can't speak a full sentence without gathering breath? Ya... imitate that feeling in the gym, then recover. Then do it again. Then do it again. And another 7 times. 1 minute of "oh shit intensity," x 1 minute of "thank god. recovery."<br />
<br />
<br />
Everything up there make sense? <br />
You can contact me for training or nutritional guidance if you like but here's the deal...<br />
<br />
You have to commit. <br />
Not to me. To yourself. I wont have conversations with any wishy-washy, on the fence, gee I don't know's. And trust me, just as our physical is all different, I also know our minds, our wills, our damage and pain, our stress, our history... its all different. Trust me, I'm aware. I'm a very good teacher, I'm very patient, understanding, empathetic, etc. I've been around, you know?<br />
I understand if you feel the need to talk to other trainers, nutritionists, coaches, I get it. All good and you should. But I do know for absolute 100% certainty, our meeting will be where your search ends. You will achieve the goals. <br />
I'm not even saying you have to train with me, pay me, any of that. I'm saying you have to use the information I give you, remember it, and run with it. You can then contact as you like for adjustments, more info, the deeper dive as you like. Then know, the physical is just the beginning. There will be breakthroughs.<br />
<br />
<br />
STOP<br />
That was for myself.... I had a good one going then I started to slip into outer-space with a bunch of woo woo shit and break my streak! <br />
EAT REAL FOOD<br />
LIFT<br />
YOGA<br />
BREATHE HARD<br />
<br />
Love yaJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-83801484660096452122019-08-21T18:18:00.000-07:002019-08-21T18:18:23.781-07:00I'm sorryThis is probably the hardest blog I've ever written... So let me find my life jacket real quick before diving in (spotify - pearl jam playlist - shuffle)<br>
I'm lying... I didn't hit shuffle. I chose Long Road... I think I've heard this song around 73 times over the past 5 days. <br>
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<br>
Why? Because I have an issue... maybe, this guy above is partially responsible for it. Or maybe he came in in a pivotal point letting me know its ok to dive deep into pain. <br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
I've always been very, very bad w funerals. To the point where I've skipped ones I should've attended. I regret that very much.<br>
It takes a lot of energy to not cry. I avoid it (in front of people) as often as possible. It probably looks awkward. <br>
So, I've never understood what to say or how to say it. I mean really, whats to really say? <br>
I had a friend who lost a child earlier this year... what words were there for me to say? The pain is the pain, no words can change that. No words can make it better or less painful. No ones coming back w magical words. Everyone says "I'm sorry for your loss," and I didn't get that. I just didn't understand the phrase. I wasn't cold, the words just didn't make actual sense to me. <br>
<br>
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<br>
I was sitting in the airport with someone who I shared some time with recently at a funeral out of state.<br>
I told a story:<br>
<br>
<ul>
<li>I used to see some shrinks... mostly for conversation, honestly... mostly little hippy, holistic women. Aside from a doozy, (I just lol'd at that), I'm ok. But I'd honestly tour around and have conversations with shrinks and therapy based ideas, diving into mental exercises and such. Probably 80% useless crap. But I had one conversation that stuck a bit. We were talking about death, suicide and pain and the woman told me "When we lose someone we love, when they leave this world, they take with them a piece of our heart... thats the pain. And then we have a space for them, and depending on the loss and circumstances, it can create a hole.</li>
</ul>
<div>
So this morning I'm cleaning up a mess from my disastrous dogs, and cried. </div>
<div>
I had these GD songs running through my head... and I thought "I'm so sorry," and it finally made sense. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
I'm sorry that anyone has to walk on w that pain in their heart. I'm so sorry. <br></div>
Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-24556598167712411472019-06-16T18:13:00.000-07:002019-06-16T18:13:12.412-07:00Follow UpAfter the last one, I was holding out for the opposite energy to come round and bounce back with something more uplifting.<br>
<br>
But nothing bounced back.<br>
<br>
And in thinking today, the words to offset the 2/22 post about depression, isnt exactly about being uplifting or some magical approach or "10 Rules to a Happy Life."<br>
The offset is a handle on our shared reality and the moments within that motivate thinking, drive us through expectations, shared experiences and our own personal development. <br>
How we Level Up could be the path to happiness, despite or in spite of, the pain and darkness.<br>
<br>
Maybe the light in the distance, the hope, is all there really is...<br>
and it might not be real, but the chase could be everything.<br>
<br>
(you can stop asking if i'm ok... this is not a season)<br>
<br>
Below will get random. I have some ideas, some thoughts, it will be scattered and they might linger unfinished. You can play with them as you like.<br>
But this might be my collection of thoughts that help me maintain some type of course. This might be the thing I hold onto for some type of footing within the chaos.<br>
<br>
I wrote that the opposite of far left should not be far right. If it were that simple, finding balance would be easy. The balance is the search for middle, to counter left and right and remain unaffected down the center of the storm.<br>
This thoughts are a piece of how I aim for center.<br>
---<br>
<br>
We do not have the same starting space.<br>
We do not have the same skill set.<br>
We do not have the same support systems.<br>
Our genetics are not the same, our upbringing is not the same, our "hard-wiring," is not the same. <br>
We are unique, we are different, but we do share a common reality. This "reality," is the here and now we can all come to an agreement with, this is needed and accepted.<br>
I needed to say that to lay the framing moving forward.<br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
Stop comparing yourself to the person left and right. You are you, they are them. If you need the barometer, look above again. You are not the same. Your starting line, your education, your brain, everything is different.<br>
So stop comparing. All you do is build a false ego to believe you are above, or a sad sense of low self worth in thinking you are below. Neither are true.<br>
The sooner you can find ways to wash the ego away, the sooner you find common ground and begin to feel safe and "ok," here.<br>
I've written and discussed ego many times. If you would like to discuss, text me at 440-983-7783 or listen to the <a href="http://www.bluechipstrength.com/" target="_blank">podcast</a> where this is discussed.<br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
Your Life should be filled with hard things to overcome. I believe this deeply. As painful as it can be, as near death as it can feel, it is needed. Without it, you may never know who you really are.<br>
Start slow, you may not know how hard it can get or how much you can handle. Diving in might be too much too fast, so be mindful of set and setting. I don't recommend going after 4 incredibly hard things at once. Energy will be spread too thin. Lock onto one target, knock it down, then get another. You'll find momentum in this. If the targets come too easy, rethink what it is you're going for or that the path is true. There is no real value in chasing a goal you've already achieved, but also understand that every situation is different with its own set of variables. There is always something to learn.<br>
Whatever it is you're tracking, make it worth the chase. Stretch for it. Make sure its outside of your current range.<br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
Seek failure. The Ego will work to protect you from failure, even perceived failure and blind you from the harsh reality of your own short comings. Ignore this voice and "sit," in the failure like a bath. You may never have a more powerful teacher than that of your own shortcomings staring back you.<br>
If its a good one, you will see yourself in the mirror of failure... exhausted, bloody, nothing left to give, begging for help. There will be none, or at least none externally.<br>
This is when you have to smile at the pain and say thank you.<br>
Thank you for installing a new tool, a new gear, I didnt know I had. thank you.<div><br></div><div>—-</div><div><br></div><div>Find work and do it well. Yes it matters what it is, ideally it should suit your strengths or general enjoyment, but this can also be counterintuitive. Without overthinking it, just work hard. Find work that matters, whatever that may mean. <br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
Never stop exploring your own self conscious. I heard Graham Hancock say that without the freedom to explore your self conscious, you have nothing, you are not free. Think deeply about how important this is in this particular day and age. All the above, are tools to know yourself. Paths that can highlight your true nature, your deep self, which can sound taboo in certain sets, but I believe this is our true purpose for this life.<br>
This existence is a tool, as are we.<br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
How can you ever know what you are here to do if you have no clue who you are?<br>
Until I coached and dove deep into coaching, I had not idea what I could do.<br>
How many other things out there haven't we done? Where is your itch to scratch? Whats that thing you've been yearning to do, yet you continue to put off for the right time? maybe you set the dream aside for fear of judgment or maybe you cant make the sacrifice needed to make it happen.<br>
<br>
This is how we beat depression. By overcoming. By diving deep into pools with no safety equipment, knowing full well there will be danger. We dive in and we find out if were here to sink or swim.<br>
And when we're successful, and we will be successful, we share and teach. We help others light a path. We pick people up. We see those that started on paths much less fortunate than ours and we offer guidance and assistance. We will see those with different skill sets and learn how we can compliment each other.<br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
Pay attention to recent laws that have been passed out west. There is info there you should google.<br>
be smart, be safe, ask questions to the things you do not know.<br>
<br>
---<br>
<br>
Peace, love and empathy.<br>
I am always available until I am not. <br>
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<br></div>Innocent Bystanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07749439197966268464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-78243422254945876622019-02-22T19:54:00.003-08:002019-02-23T05:50:39.248-08:00this is a post about depressionunderstand that i'm going to write things you may not agree with, some of them might make you uncomfortable and it may change your opinion of me.<br />
that is all acceptable and ironic to me and you will understand why as i paint this picture.<br />
also know, this is a topic that i've written about many times, all disguised inside stories, links and posts.<br />
but the truth of this is important and timely. people have talked about this with me and i never hide, i never dismiss it or downplay it, this is something that must felt, witnessed and in a way, accepted.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
this is the truth, through the vision i have found over my time here... we may disagree, and thats ok, you have your belief and truth, i have mine. when people tell me their truth, feelings and beliefs, i accept them as is, through their vision of their own unique experience. i could never judge that. i hope through sharing, we can all influence each other to see multiple points of view and motivate growth, evolution and positive change in our culture and society.<br />
your reality is yours, shape it how you choose. i pray we find common ground together.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
the left to right, up to down of the screen will effect this.<br />
these thoughts are circular, overlapping, weaving and change colors.<br />
one line cant be taken as one line, they balance and lean on each other.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
i dont want to die. we should clear that up before i also say, i dont enjoy this world.<br />
the irony is, about 20 feet to my left, my two oldest daughters are rehearsing, i think for fun, a musical. you would think they, along with a wife, new born baby, great job and co-workers, a wonderful coaching career, and a couple friends would keep from saying "i dont enjoy this world," but it doesnt.<br />
its a deep, uneasy feeling that i've had my entire life and cannot find a pattern or vision to shake it.<br />
<br />
why?<br />
<br />
before i answer that, i know i'm not alone.<br />
<br />
a few years ago, on the anniversary of Kurt Cobain's and Layne Staley's deaths, I wrote "<a href="https://observingbystander.blogspot.com/2015/04/trap-door-in-sun.html" target="_blank">trap door in the sun</a>." it was semi-vague, general, and i wrote about the fog of depression with a few examples, enough where people knew i was not writing to write. the days that followed the post, several friends contacted, not to ask "can i help you?" or "are you ok?" but "thank you."<br />
the "are you ok?" was a concern upon posting and is usually why i sensor myself.<br />
the "thank you," was bitter-sweet because I didnt realize how many people in my "friends list," felt the way i did.<br />
<br />
but why?<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
we live in a very strange world, getting more strange every few months. everyday really, but it moves so slow, we dont feel it until their is a shift and we go "whoah, when did this happen?" it's been happening all around us, you just didnt feel it.<br />
<br />
we have these tools at every turn.<br />
technology, money/credit, jewels, clothes, cars, homes, etc. a wonderful set of dishes, a new set of couches, that great new coffee table you always wanted, shit everywhere. we collect things. we work and trade time to accumulate a bank acct that we swap a certain value of numbers for more things to stack in our homes. these things will never really do anything for us of real value. they will serve to mask pain, discomfort and hide us from our truth.<br />
the truth that a great many of us have invested our entire lives to a game. a finite game where there are no winners or losers, and no one survives. <br />
<br />
on a level, that reads very dark. you can probably see why i started how i did by writing what i did in the top 2 sections.<br />
<br />
let me ask a few questions and you can decide a few things for yourself:<br />
How many people do you know in debt?<br />
How many people do you know that do not enjoy their jobs?<br />
How many people seem genuinely unhappy?<br />
How many people do you know with drug or alcohol addictions?<br />
Low self esteem?<br />
In poor relationships?<br />
Out of shape, bad health?<br />
How many people do you know on anti-depressants?<br />
<br />
How many people pass you and smile? How many stare at the ground?<br />
How many xmas cards do you send and receive?<br />
How many friends do you scan passed on social media and think "idgaf," at their posts?<br />
How many people do you love? Love you?<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
according to cnn, the most prescribed drug is anti-depressants<br />
<br />
what could be attributed to his climb? we have more tools and information than ever. we have apps to help us meditate, we have trainers and doctors and gyms and spas and self help books and Dr Phil! (is he still around?) <br />
...but americans are going in and getting meds for depression more frequently and at a faster rate than ever.<br />
<br />
do you know what other area is growing as fast as these meds?<br />
<br />
technology has isolated us.<br />
we have relationships on phones with thumbs, and not in flesh. you barely need verbal, social skills.<br />
we have friend lists of 100, 300, 800 people, who do not say hi when they see you.<br />
we email and text, we dont talk.<br />
we highlight a fake persona on social media, a vision we want, we wish, was reality.<br />
<br />
we have gone fucking crazy. absolutely crazy.<br />
this is not what we were designed for.<br />
in our push to advance and grow and achieve, we have lost our truth, ourselves, our human connection, our heart. without human connection, we will all continue to fade into darkness. you can mask it all you like with a busy schedule and running the kids and your "thing," you do, but without touch, without laughter, without self reflection, without time, you will fade.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
we need to go backwards. we need to set these things tools down, these phones, and engage.<br />
we are receivers and transmitters and all senses need to be activated.<br />
our eyes, ears, mouth, nose, our skin... we need to feel alive. we have to breathe hard, we have to strain our bodies, we have to face challenges and work together.<br />
<br />
i heard jim carrey say that "depression is your self telling yourself, that you do want to play this character anymore." i felt and feel that very deeply. i know when i can walk into a room with a person and have truth and love with me, i know when i walk into a room that will demand a character. too many of those character rooms and i will fade away.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
balance.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
we have to use the tools, within balance.<br />
there are times the characters are needed, find balance. for every moment a character is required, find 3x that a mount of truth and love. and truth and love may even be within the character, but if its still a character, you will drain yourself.<br />
are you playing a character?<br />
would you know if you were?<br />
do you know how to find out?<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
you may have seen quotes or memes or whatever, wherever about "awake," or "woke," right? usually a funny hippie thing or something with Neo from the Matrix maybe. this vision is about the recognition of the character, the avatar, the ego that ive referenced many times.<br />
my definition of ego has been consistent, a mask or series of masks. we can wear one for any occasion or none. some have value and use, some are destructive. are you wearing one?<br />
<br />
"the killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on, he took a <b>face</b> from the ancient gallery and he walked on down the hallway." this is what Morrison was <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSUIQgEVDM4" target="_blank">talking abou</a>t.<br />
<br />
"Let the ocean swell, dissolve away my mask." same here.<br />
<br />
it has been written time and time again, in music, poetry, movies. references to these masks, faces and egos.<br />
burn them away and become your truth.<br />
<br />
we do so much to hide the pain, to bury the pain. to mask over the mask... but all we have to do is burn them away.<br />
<br />
ask...<br />
<br />
ask.<br />
<br />
yes.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
i saw a shrink years ago... she didnt think i was very crazy, which now makes me wonder if she was qualified? anyway, she said "theres nothing wrong with you, you just havent found your tribe."<br />
<br />
then i saw another and she set these headphones on me and sent me spelunking in the caves of my subconscious.... down there was a file cabinet and when i saw it, the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpkYIy6UhI4" target="_blank">music started.</a>.. i reached for it and she warned, "only open it if you're serious and ready..."<br />
<br />
then i saw another one who asked my name and "how long have you been suicidal?" within 5 minutes.<br />
i didnt and dont mind the conversation or topic. you would all break my heart, but this isnt the same.<br />
<br />
none of these were even set appointment, just conversations.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
no, i have zero fear of death... catch me at a certain hour and i might talk about seeing the other side. but having "lost," my mom a little while ago and feeling this hole, i wouldn't and couldn't pass it to someone else. so theres that. did that sound too casual? ..if you got it.<br />
<br />
and this my battle... the pull vs the push. its not fun.<br />
but as much as the darkness weighs on the back of my neck, when it does shine, its blinding... its overwhelming. im much more emotional now. i cry at greatness and beauty and innocence. i see a kid do something "kid," or unique and i live through that energy.<br />
i see a genuine smile and i feel it in my soul.<br />
ive been witness to magnificent breakthroughs in the gyms, on the fields, in the offices... and they all get me. i pause and witness.<br />
"we just had a moment we will remember"<br />
<br />
i have no normal moments, no normal days. everything carries weight w ability to tip the scale one way or the other... and i play to stand centered.<br />
this is my yoga.<br />
i balance right between it.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
i think you know this when we talk... its ok, it wont be a thing. it makes it all better... it means more now. think about it.<br />
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<br />
- - - - - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
Simon talks about infinite games vs finite games.<br />
finite games have a set of rules, a clock, we agree we play til x.<br />
an infinite game is played to survive... it only ends when a player is done playing. they quit or cant afford to continue.<br />
<br />
given the theme here, you probably thought i was leaning "infinte game," but no.. the key word was "clock." knowing the clock adds value to everything. when we know time is limited, it means more.<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
without music, without knowing how to workout, without the girls, without the people ive found to help send me down the path that lead to answers to not feel so alone... i wouldnt be here. thats alright... we cant choke this shit down and keep saying "im alright," and lie. we're not alright. alot of us are flat out, fucked up. fine. sit w me. we'll have a fucked up little bench. then a few more people will go "hey, i'm uhh, you know, i'm like..." and ill go "yeah yea, i get it..." and i'll slide down to make room for you. and we'll need more benches.<br />
and then we'll actually talk to each other again.<br />
(this <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfJClCBEk-w" target="_blank">song</a> was playing as i wrote that last paragraph)<br />
<br />
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -<br />
<br />
peace, love and empathy<br />
<br />
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<br />Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5715376676331812206.post-27265202818641443632019-02-02T20:41:00.001-08:002019-02-02T20:41:32.449-08:00State of Love and TrustAmy saw the title and hit, so that means one person is here so I'll sit with you...<br />
<br />
-----<br />
<br />
2 seasons ago, thing started off rocky. We all had high hopes, but for one reason or another, it just wasn't coming together how we imagined.<br />
1-4 through 5.<br />
After loss #4 we met and had a conversation. What happened within the following 72 hours, I dont know (but I hope to one day).<br />
Whatever it was, it worked. Because from that point, we went 5-0 and became the first team in school history to make the playoffs. Can we say the O improved and did some nice things? Absolutely Can we say we had one badass mofo group off 11+ hitting the field for us on D? Yup. <br />
But for me, and this is the ole romantic, thats not how it happened...<br />
<br />
After the season, and I dont remember how long it took me to think of this, but I messaged a few of the guys and shared a thought as to how or why it happened. <br />
Love & Trust<br />
Coaches always, allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays want to sit around fondle each other over x's and o's, blha blah blah, so there.<br />
News flash: its all the same shit prettied up in different outfits. <br />
Thats not where great teams win. If it was all x's and o's and goofy ass speeches, you'd see better football games. <br />
They won because of love and trust, for and with each other. <br />
<br />
-----<br />
<br />
A friend and former boss text me asking how life was going, random chit chat. We talk about work, life, kids, all of it. I always appreciate when he reaches out, I think he knows I need it. Somehow we got onto a topic of team work and culture. I was in an odd mood and vented a little... I wrote "You know I operate in a weird zone... money has never motivated me. Being good to people does it." and then went into how greatness for each other creates more greatness for each other. It's logical. it works. Theres actual science and studies in this, this isnt my bullshit. I know people like to say Im always on some woo woo shit but theres a reason they dismiss it... because its true and it badly rocks their sad, sinking boat they built on ideas of fear and intimidation. I said "relationships... thats how you win on the field of everything." It is. <br />
It doesn't matter where I am, what sport, what company, what human is sitting with me, we will always find a way. Why? <br />
Love & Trust. <br />
Same as above, so below. All companies believe in what they do, all teams believe in who they are, but without love & trust, you will be average. I've seen it too much to know its value. It is golden yet you cannot weigh it. <br />
Without love & trust, you will be average. You will never achieve the goals, you will see people come and go, the game will pass you by and you'll blame everything. <br />
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But it's on US. You are not a passenger, you are a participant. So tag yourself in and get involved. <br />
Somehow, someway, you are in a community and you lead. You may not see it at the moment, but it is true. If you have kids, you are a leader. If you go out into public, you are a leader. If you engage with any other human, you are a leader. Its that literal and I believe it deeply. <br />
This may seem petty or silly, but this is what I do...<br />
I do my grocery shopping every Sunday and I do 2 things, 100% of the time. <br />
1) I always go to a live cashier and 2) I help the cart guys bring carts in and/or organize for them.<br />
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why? No one sees me. I've been doing this months, maybe years i dont know and ive never said it til now. Why do I do it?<br />
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Cashier for multiple reasons... #1 fuck the self check outs. People lose jobs because of self check outs, i'll never use one. I literally walked out one day because there were no actual cashiers, just self check outs. I walked, saw that, left. Another reason and I have done this my entire life... I want them to remember me. Not because of ME, but because of my energy. I selfishly love when I see them in a shitty mood... love it. Because its my crazy little game of "flip this mood," and I make sure when I leave them, they feel better about things. Then what happens? They feel better and better for the next person in line that I'll never even meet... think about that.<br />
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You will come in contact with a person, a real live person and have the opportunity to effect their day to the point where they help other people enjoy their day more. Thats real. Thats how crazy and deep this goes for me. And its not an act. I just love it. I LOVE doing it. And I do it everywhere. Because we re all connected... I just showed one way and they're everywhere. Thats just a grocery store, think about home, school ,the work place... its endless. You literally have endless opportunities to help people every single day. I have a new position at work, wish you could ask one of the welders what my first question was... any guesses? <br />
"How can I help you?" <br />
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Because I love people... because I haven't lost all my faith, not yet. I know I've written some dark shit and some people thought, "o fuck, he gone," but no, I told you, I needed the dark corner to rest up for this next round.<br />
I found gem down there and I want to show you...<br />
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Oh ya, the cart guys... I do that because that job sucks and I want to help it not suck so much. I walk carts back, straighten that rack and all of it. Think of how many assholes just throw the carts in there, giving zero shits about the people that have to manage their mess. They think "not my job," and pass it off to someone else. Dont be that person. Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02568151619884714152noreply@blogger.com