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Friday, March 17, 2017

"Why would someone hire Jason?"

So that question came through... tough one, good one.  If you know, I'm pretty awful at actually marketing myself.  To the point where I created a business name and use it to write "we," and "us," in materials.  There is no "us," or "we," in the Blue Chip business, its just me.  But I cant say "I," and "me," for some reason.  So I write and post under the business.  A woman came in to sign up for training and I asked how she heard of me.  "I heard you're a really good realtor."  I laughed and thanked her.  Glad she heard that, but that didn't qualified me as a trainer.

So why would anyone hire me?  I think it's a 2 part answer.  First part is basic and boring answer.  
Part 1) 
I hope saying random things fills it in... 
If we created a trainer that:
Coaches football  
Has trained 1000's of junior high/high school females
Teaches yoga
Extremely sound in form instruction in all movements
Buddhist basically
Can program and coach anything from beginners to NFL, fitness competitions to pre/post pregnancy 
Swings kettles
Lover of all things pearl jam, rogan, dolce, aubrey and onnit.
Pretty grounded and balanced in his own training  

And just stopping there, I can point to those categories I created and I think it draws an interesting landscape of love, empathy and hard ass work.  There isn't much difference to me between football and yoga.  To know what goes into coaching football, then working with young women, similar but difference.  Both demand high level or care and empathy, yet tough love and ability to know when to press an issue.  They are competitive sports and a fire often needs to be installed (In yoga, that fire can need to be found or re-lit).  

I think those point above paint a picture of a balanced, open minded trainer who knows what hes doing in the weight room for anyone.  I already feel like a douche in even writing that much. 

But part 2) just kinda hit me two days ago.

I had a moment where I wanted to go home.  With everything going on with my mom, my energy was shit and I just wanted to go home, lay down on a couch and sleep.  
Then I looked at my schedule and thought "F that, these people are counting on me to help get them to where they want to go," and thats more important than my lazy ass nap or quiet time or feeling bad for myself.  
When I was younger in this, it effected me greatly if someone didn't reach goals.  Over time I separated myself from the finality and would say "Hey, if they dont get it done, thats on them."  then I thought what a dickhead thing that is for me to say, something I would never say about a team I coached.  If we lose on Friday night, I'm taking that one on me.  So when a client doesn't make it happen, thats on me.  I set out to be a better "coach," not just some idiot trainer in the gym that anyone can find.  Anyone can google personal trainer northeast Ohio and scroll through pages of average.  
I was talking to someone yesterday and he asked what I do and the process.  He knows gyms, he was actually a trainer years ago and when I told him, he paused, gave me a fist bump and said "You know these other guys dont go that far?"  
Thats always been me.  I go further than "them."  

My client last night, shes getting ready for a wedding.  I will never cancel on her.  I will never come in and deliver a lame ass session.  
I have a handful of clients losing pounds, most in double digits since 1/1/17, most near 20 pounds.  I will never lose focus for their goals.  
I have a client who is probably pound for pound, the strongest person I train, around 108lb female.  She's been with me for 3 years now and I will never bore her with program design.  I will always find new ways to challenge her and keep her engaged. 
I have a client who is coming off of a grueling hip and shoulder surgery among other things.  She's already lost 50+ under my time and we're not done.  I'm going to get her back to the healthiest situation possible.  
And you read yoga, you read Buddhism, you read whatever else above, its not just physical strength we're talking about.  Again, any jackass on a bench can probably increase your strength.  I want to increase your "brain."  You're going to get mentally stronger here.  You're going to manage your stress and anxiety better here.  
I have a client, I asked her to come w goals, most of her goals were mental like "improve my self esteem," and "have a better outlook on life."  She doesn't even know who shy just signed up with.  I know that reads ego, but it is what it is.  Someone may come in with mental hang ups, we all have them.  Someone may come in with negative self talk, everyone has had phases of it.  
Thats what I'm looking at.  I can coach squats with my eyes closed.  I can program speed and agility all day long.  Its the intangibles in the psyche that really changes lives.  

The Power Program.  I didn't think Id run it again, but if I find a home and assistance in marketing it, its on.  Somehow, somewhere, some way.  I think it captured all of this.  


Sunday, March 12, 2017

Crazy Monkey

Might as well dive in, and this one wont be depressing or anything.  I think it may have you wondering and questioning some things.

A friend asked how my mom was doing, so if you're not caught up, you might want to read the last 2-3 entries, yet my answer isn't the topic.
From an angle, you might think I'm going crazy.  And to be totally honest, I've wondered myself, and tried to work for some mental separation from the big picture to make sure it hasn't happened yet (it, being losing my mind).
Here's why, or how.
Odds are against us, right.  That's somewhat accepted.  Like I wrote, I've been a part of many things where the odds were poor but we battled anyway.  Some we won, some we lost.  So when the odds are against you, you ask "What can we do?"  You game plan, whether its work or health or sports or anything, you set a goal and have a plan and get to work.
So the game plan was researched and prepared.  The chemo route was "12 months at best," so we had to find another way, the way was natural.  And you can find countless articles, studies, facilities, and holistic doctors who will support it.  This is all right in my zone.
So we're heading into a meeting one day and I call the doc and let her assistant know what the plan is and that I need her to assist by offering hope in this plan... seeing as though the other route is "12 months at best."  Sound fair enough?  I asked if they could word things gently and help to "offer hope."  My exact words.   The response was "I'm sorry, but we can only speak to what the medical tendencies are."
I said "I completely understand... but people believe doctors and if you say x, y, and z, you're going to make belief, hope and effort much more difficult."
She said "I'm sorry."
"Right, I get it, 12 months, but..."
"Sir, there is no evidence to support any alternative medicines."

1500 years ago, people believed the earth was flat and there was no evidence to support otherwise... not we know better.

And this has been my hill to climb since.  I think this rigged.  I think a lot of this is a set up.  I think society and culture is grown to believe certain things and we fall into line like cattle because that's just how it is and just how we do it, and its all bullshit.

A doctor admit we obtain vitamin D from sunshine.
We didn't know that x years ago.  Just as we receive vitamins and essential nutrients from nearly every single thing that comes from the ground, and none of this was known x years ago.  We were just a bunch of dumb-ass monkeys, wondering the fields and jungles, eating anything we could find, swinging from trees, eating bananas and mushrooms.

The difference between then and now?
We're just slightly smarter monkeys.  Smarter but crazy.
I think the way has been lost.  I think greed and power has high jacked society and our future.  And I think we see proof of it every day on the news.

I see things now and i wonder "who benefits from that, financially?"
That's how procedures and law is made now.  "Law?  Huh?"

Take a look at college loans and the job market.  You cannot make an honest, open minded argument that its not designed to screw over thousands of people by keeping them tied to debt.  People are told they have to have a degree to get x job.  So they head off to a school, drop $100,000 in loans and come out 5 years later with a job that pays $40,000 and it then takes 10-15 years to pay off that school loan... while trying to actually figure out what they want to do with life.  I know a company who demands a college degree and only starts people around $35,000.  How does that make any sense?  Look at teachers.  Asked to get a masters within x years and we all know how much they make and what they're asked to do.

Something I rarely talk about, but I have about 60 credits of college courses.  My plan was to become a health teacher and last year I went in to meet w a counselor and discuss narrowing down my classes and hone in on the target goal.  She then told me "Ohio no longer offers health education."  I said ok... how do I teach Health in high schools?  I was told to major in special ed or anything else and minor in health, because schools only teach a few semesters of it, not a full course load (public schools, at least).
So let me re-write this and maybe find the logic... we teach math, ok... we teach the arts and such, ok... we teach history books (that have a good dose of inaccuracies, but ok)... and we do not teach people nutrition.
Doesn't this look like an issue to anyone?  Kids arent being taught basic nutrition.  My kids tell me what goes on in phys ed.  If there isn't health class anymore, why isn't this done in phys ed?  Kids arent even being taught the value of movement, they're just playing games like kick ball and its not even mandatory.
One of the most valuable aspects of basic education should be our own bodies and how they operate and its not being taught and to make matters worse, the information is literally a pain in the ass to find.  So when I think of becoming a certified nutritionist or something along those lines, I quickly wash it away.  I dont need to pay some bullshit company $500 or $99/month to teach.
I can do it everyday on the facebook page or this blog or restart the podcast or anything, anywhere. Just right now, I have a handful of clients who have lost 10+ lbs since the new year, some have already topped 20+ loss and its no trick, its no gimmick, there isnt a master plan attached to  company, its education and self awareness.  Thats not harsh.  It is what it is.  They obtained information and executed.  And just today, one of them text w this weeks loss and heres the kicker... her daughter is losing and now the husband.  The entire family is turning a corner and making changes that will greatly effect their future.
Want to know what they did?

You'll have to sign up for personal training to find out...


They cut sugar out.  Thats it.  (like my use of PSYCH?  Very 90's)
Cut the sugar.  Not easy to do and I recommend using an app to help read labels and set daily/weekly goals.  Again, it will not be easy.  But when you see what bullshit sugars do to your body, you'll see the need to start paying attention.  Search for some documentaries like "Fed up."

I've been writing and preaching "Primal," aspects for years.  To eat natural and move your body and yoga and meditation and some times it might read like a broken record but pay attention.  Learn what our bodies and what our brain is capable of, especially the brain.  You can steer this life however you want to go if you focus and apply with everything you have.
I'm not saying you can will $1,000,000 into your bank acct this week, but just maybe you have the idea or concept for a company that can.

The mind and your energy can do anything you want it to do if you believe, put in the effort and never lose hope.

Note:  The doc from above... I remember leaving and feeling bad for her.  Weird right?  She just said what she said, and I felt bad for her.
I feel bad shes so committed to what she already learned that she stopped looking for more.  That telling someone "12 months," is the job.  I wouldn't be able to do it. I want answers and truth.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

  I have a little routine I look for before sitting down to poke away here.  Usually involving some Alpha Brain, water,  and some Hendrix.  Today its "Electric Ladyland."  I watched a little bit of The Doors movie yesterday, and it's much cheesier than I remember.  When I was 19, that movie was perfection.  Now its kind of clunky and cheesy.... one of us changed.

  I may have my phone out early to overlook some notes I've taken since my last writing session.  As I work through the days, I watch things, think things and take notes to expand on later, moments like now.  Then I put the phone away so I'm not distracted by texts or random crap on social media... as I check my phone for texts one more time.

Where to begin...
  I've had an interesting view this season.  I'm obsessed with witnessing human development.  It would probably be an issue for me if I didn't have some Buddhist blood funneling through me.  I say that because it's distracting and I often watch and daydream about "their," life and minds.  The Buddhism whispers "Come back here," and I smile and let the thoughts fade.

  I was at dinner last night and watched little baby Sawyer (niece) play with her food and make faces, not many noises, but such a content, happy soul (I'm not there if there's any crying at 2am, so I'm one of the people that can enjoy the highlights).  But I watch these babies and think of how this is there expression of now.  All of their needs and wants and anything that needs expressed, its all right there for us to read or attempt to... and it's really mind blowing to think of.   To go from nothing.. to chance.. to a fertilized egg... to birth and then a rocket ship of stimulation and education and expression and experiences.  What's learned from birth to 2, from 2 to 6, from 6 to 12 on and on...  I think it's pretty heavy.  I was at a birthday party, earlier in the day yesterday, many 1-3 year olds and it was different but the same.  Thee can now communicate with us a little easier, but they're not afraid.  Or afraid in the sense i mean.  Yes, a kid pulled my leg thinking it was his dad and when I looked down, a diaper may have been filled quickly, but not afraid in terms of expression.
Look at it like this:  How many people do you know who actually live in fear?  You may think none or that you're not one.  Are you afraid to express yourself?  Are you afraid to experience?  Are you afraid of growth, change, stimulation?  Challenge?  Failure?

A 4 year sees a jungle gym and attacks... we might be worried about falling or failing.  

  Then I see my daughters, now 10 and 12.  How they've accelerated to their current stage blows my mind.  They are light years ahead of who I was at 10 or 12.

  Then I see the guys at the school, between 15-18 and who they are, what they do, how they operate through their phase.  Again, light years past who I was.

  20's-30's, are we "adults, yet?  40's, 50's, work and savings and vacations and operating life.

  Then spending time in all these hospitals and ICU's and rehab centers...
From babies to

  I hope you get a chance one day to just witness.  Imagine you're not even here, sit back and watch a baby, watch kids play, watch your relatives, watch people in a gym or a mall, watch growth, watch the circle.

  Be useful, be helpful.  If you're around kids of any age, understand you're in a position to help grow someone.  And your influence will either be an assistance, helpful and useful or the opposite.  You can hurt growth and brain function.  I mean brain function, literally, and not by a drug or exterior chemical.  Negative conversations or planting negative seeds in a young ones mind can be very damaging.  Most people dont even realize how damaging they can be, or how damaged they already are because of someone else that entered your life at a young age and said or did something that effected you.  Pretty wild, right?  You may have a particular hang up, maybe you cant keep a boyfriend or you quit things, and you've said "I suck at ____," or "I'm just not good at ____," but the root is found in something that effected you, that shaped you.  Good chance it can be undone.   But if you dont know what it is, you wont know where it is, and you wont be able to dig it out and throw it away.
At work, w/ kids, family, or a stranger, be kind, be useful, be helpful.

  I haven't mentioned it much but I've been working fairly strong on a keto based plan since the new year.  Aside from a 5-7 day issue that I blame a little Vegas vacation for, its been rock solid.  One thing I've probably noticed more than anything, and I might be making it up, but my brain is definitely not sluggish and its made me afraid for sugars more than ever.  I literally dont want any shit food, not because not physical reason, but I just dont want a slow, sluggish brain.  More than anything else.  I've found this bizarre little wave of very clear thinking and focus and calm and I really think a donut might scatter those connections (obviously not fully, literally but still).  Really attaches to my point up top, where I mentioned obsessed with human development, I probably meant it more on a neuro level than anything else.  How brain cells interact and chemicals release per x experience or other chemical... truly amazing.  Even in our own interaction, non-verbal cues and how the brain processes in the subconscious... unreal.  The subconscious is really what amazes me most.  Probably why I find so much pleasure in reading about the things I enjoy.
   But excellent nutrition, movement like running, yoga, circuit training, probably even branches of martial arts (I couldn't speak to it, just from what they say), experiences and growth, meditation or moments of (we have them more than we know), moments of spiritual questioning or searching than finding peace... a grounding in hedonism, but do no harm... journey... these things I listed, write your story.  And don't let it be a check list of the basic Life To-Do's.  Go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, go to work, retire, die.  Don't bullshit around, I know people who have virtually no story but that.
  I truly believe in order to find nirvana or enlightenment, you have to operate life in  certain direction and the path is to move your body in a very strenuous way often.  I think you have to run hard sometimes.  I think you have to sweat your face off in a yoga room.  I think you have to have control of what goes into your mouth (is it helping you or hurting you?  Do you even know?)  I think you have to travel and experience weird shit.  I think you have to see nature in the purest form you possibly can.  I think you have to fail, get dumped, get fired and fuck things up when you're young.  You have to learn.  I think you have to search for the holy spirit, whatever it may be to you and dive into yourself.  Find pleasures.  Do things that feel really good.
Because we go from babies to kids to "adults," (which is older kids), to a little older kids, to checking the clock, really fast.  And the time we have to feel, to live, to love something, to go somewhere amazing... it's limited.  We might be 90, we might be 60, and you'll never know.
Get rid of your debt, get rid of anything that holds you back and go have some fun.

(You should know by now, anything I write is directed at myself as well.  People often think I direct these towards someone or a group, but I think thats only because these posts are much more universal than we know... which is for an entirely different blog entry one day).

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Full Mulder

We were sitting in her room, just me and my mom.  Catching up, talking about the new job, this was early December, and the staff dietitian walks in.  She says hello and introduces herself. 
She explains some dietary restrictions and tells my mom that she's on a 2000 calorie diet.  This only perked my attention because it came off like a very generic number, such as the 2000 calorie example we see on all labels in the store.  
So I ask "why 2000 calories?"
She explains that it's the recommendation for someone in her current condition. 
Again, very generic, but now I'm setting her up.  
Because I already know my moms BMR, her health conditions and caloric restrictions.  So now I'm involved like the crocodile in the river and this 55 yr old state licensed, master degree'd, dietitian is Bambi.  
She says "you need to be consuming around 50 grams of protein per day, and the rest in carbs, very low fats."
I intervene "exactly how many carbs and fats?  And is this in her menu?" as I hold up the generic menu that every single person (on a regular diet chooses from) in the entire center. 
"I'm not really sure."

Let's pause for a second.... again, I'm speaking w the dietitian who oversees the menu and nutrition for the patients in the center, and these are very basic questions.  I'm just a guy, and I know 50 grams of protein is only 200 calories.  So shes looking for 1800 calories in mostly carbs... which in this place is going to be a ton of sugar and prepackaged food... which creates more issues and more doctor visits... 
But she's not really sure. 

My mom asks about protein supplements because her appetite is very low, but she knows she can force a drink down to help reach the number. 
Dietitian says "no, they're hire in fats, but I'll give you one that we have here."
I ask "what are the cals, proteins and sugars in yours?"
Guess the answer....
"I'll check on that."
So I say thank you and walk out to the nurses station, requesting the speak w a director.  

Now, you probably know me.  If you've worked w me, you definitely know me.  Have I EVER recommended anything without knowing every bit of information, pros or cons?  Ever.  
No.  But I'm dealing w this.  

Fast fwd... so that above story was December.  
In January, my mom is headed back to UH and into the MICU, battling pneumonia, kidney failure and other issues and while in, cancers are found.  Liver then pancreas then lung. 
Doesn't take very long on google and some medical history to get a solid bearing on a possible root of this.  
But it was MICU, then step down, then MICU then step down, then a rehab center on Harvard, then MICU again then back to heartland, home of the dietitian from the above story.  
Talks of chemo and medical treatments aren't much of an advantage.  Doctors say there isn't much they can do. 
But I disagree.  And I couldnt help but to think of coaching and lessons learned on the fields... no matter the odds... no matter the numbers and records... we're going to prepare and we're going to battle.  Because anything can happen. 

I've always wondered about another way, ever since my friend pointed me towards the "Tree of Life," center in Arizona.  I've read that w a raw diet, meditation and movement, they've cleared cancers, diabetes, ptsd and numerous other diseases that doctors said couldn't be cleared without prescription drugs or damaging therapies.  
I've always said movement is medicine.  
Nutrition is medicine.  
And now here is my mom.... and I have to sell her on this, something new, something she'll see as one of my crazy ass ideas, she's someone who grew up trusting a system.  Trusting doctors.  Trusting what looked like "good food."  

But we're back a heartland... doctors say no more than a year at best.  I say a strong diet, movement, the right supplements and positive thoughts can buy more time.  Can get 1 more garden.  1 more summer.  1 more birthday.  
And I go into her room and find the menu of choices.
All shit.  Ok, 80% shit.  Loaded w sugars and carb loaded meals, very few vegetables, nearly all canned.  Very little protein, no natural fat.
This is the actual menu

So I find the dietitian, because its my understanding that a state licensed dietitian literally writes out a nutritional plan and guidelines w an intent to assist in a healing process, cure or at least not do further damage to someone.  
And I recorded the conversation. 
Me: I 'm wondering who decides what the patients receive.
Dietitian: corporate
Me: gotcha.  So they decide on a handful of items that can be chosen and you create the menu?
Dietitian: yes
Me: ok, I'm wondering why patients have the options of things like.... idk... cheez-its.
Dietitian: (she giggles like its a wild question) why wouldn't they?
Me: um, because it's a rehab center and I've never seen a cheez-it tree.
Dietitian: people need snacks. 

I literally laughed in her face and walked away to find someone hire up. 
"People need snacks."
I want her to quit her job and go do something she's more qualified for. 

So, after being detoured away from two men in administration, I find one of them walking to their car (it's friday around 4:45, time to go home). 
I pose the same exact same questions I did to the dietitian.  
Same.  They blamed corporate.  But they also added "I wouldn't eat the food here."

Ever see a dog or a little kid do something so dumb, so wild, you couldnt respond.  You just kinda sit there like "wow... that just happened."
I asked "then how can you feed this to patients?  To sick people?  To people trying to heal?"
Response:  It's a budget situation.  No one here makes these decisions, they're made in Toledo at the corporate office.  I'll give you their info, I'd love it if someone raised the issue to them.  

I will go to Toledo and meet with who makes these decisions.  I want them to tell me how this menu is suitable for anyone, let alone someone in rehab with digestive cancers.

Moving forward with this... I'm not letting it go.  I think this will be a very productive way for me to exercise my current anger.  
I've said it before and the more I look at it, the more I see it.  It's like that 3d puzzle with directions to stare int he  middle and eventually a face appears... well, I've been staring at this situation, and I see it very clearly.  
The population, society, is flooded with distractions and disinformation.  Distractions to keep you from looking and disinformation to finding the truth and confusing you.  
This entire system is rigged for money.  I know I'm not going down a wild path in context with the rest of the post but follow me for a minute.  
Fat vs carbs?
Low fat?
Low carb?
Which is better?
Sugar free.
is it really?
Grass fed meats vs non?
Walk the aisles and read labels... which is better?  Which is actually healthy?
Now place yourself in the position of a very busy mother or father... 3 kids... sports or extra activities all year around... you're busy, you're stressed, you're both working 40+ hours per week... quick, whats for dinner?  
Why is the information, why is the truth, so hard to find?
Because disease makes money.  
And the more illness, the more jobs.  
You might be thinking I lost my mind, but I invite you to walk with me through a grocery store and then a hospital.  
In the grocery store, you will probably learn all the bullshit on the labels.  
In the hospital, you'll see dollar signs.  
Or invite me... you find how I'm wrong.  You tell me how me how marketing and lies hasn't fooled society for 30 years.  You tell me how we've advanced so much in technology yet some cures seem to still be missing, despite some of the largest research departments and fund raising organizations the world has ever known.  
Ya, I'm mad.... but I'm also happy that I've found the enemy and I plan to do as much as I can to educate and deter the habits that land people in places like Heartland in Mentor.  

Saturday, February 11, 2017

It's a funny thing... we've all played the "what would you do if _____," game, right?
"If you had ____, what would you do?"
"If you could ______, would you?"
That type of thing.  Just weird or fun day dreams.

So I'm playing that game and its still ______.  Blank.

"What would you do if your mom is diagnosed with _____?"

And I cant fill it in...

I've had this thought lately of metabolizing emotions.  I'm sure its a theory out there, I haven't cared to google it, I'm just tinkering with it in my own head.  Pretty straight forward comparison.  Digestion of food = digestion of emotions.  How we use it for energy, what it does to our system, the taste/flavor, absorption, etc.  Do we like it?  Is it good for us?  Do we want more?  Do we need more?  Should we be dieting on this?  On and on.
So this _____ is like that food you saw when you were a kid, where you slammed your mouth closed and refused to eat it.  Wouldn't even try it.  It was just "Nope, not eating that shit."

Except, now I'm an "adult." And sometimes they serve something you don't want, but you have to eat it.
And sometimes you don't have any control.  You cant slip out, you cant dump the food, you cant pass it to someone.

So they fed this thing and I really cant get it down.  I thought I could.  Had I played the ______game, prior to, I would've been real cocky ass and said how I'd swallow it whole.
But this was a few days ago.

My mom has had a series of health issues, from what I know, around 25 years or so.  Pretty consistent doctors visits and scares.  It seems to always have a doctor say "Well, not really sure how it happened but," and then 2 weeks later, shes ok and back home.
And all along, probably as a defense mechanism, I figured any one of these trips, could be thee trip.  I think I started that weird little game back in 1994 when this started.
So when I heard she went in with breathing issues, I wasnt overly concerned.  "She'll be fine."

But this one has gone differently.
Tests and pictures found masses and nodules.  In a few days we were told liver cancer, then I think pancreatic cancer and today she told me "it's in the lungs."

But it just really hit me this week and I cried for the first time.
I'll behave very normal, very stoic, but when I turn the corner or get in my car... it's hard.

The what would I do game?
"Jay, what would you do if your mom was diagnosed with a handful of cancers and you knew time was very limited?
I coach the situation.  In this case, it means that I'll do everything I can to make sure she has fun and laughs and has hope until the end.  I'll keep her thinking about the summer and the garden.  I'll keep her focused on eating right.  I'll keep her thinking about seeing the girls plays or concerts and set them on the calendar, we'll keep planning things.  I'll keep her focused on rehab and getting strong.  I'll keep focused on going home and enjoying the house and upcoming birthdays.  I will not let her feel like she's dying, no matter what any doctor or test or stats say.

Sunday, January 15, 2017


Everyone's a critic looking back up the river

Every boat is leaking in this town 
Everybody's thinking that they'll all be delivered
Sitting in a box like lost and found

I was having a conversation w a friend who... well... was on some psychedelics.  I asked him what happened, what he felt, on and on.  
His memory was spotty for details but was really confident in the feelings he came out with.   He said "I don't remember exactly, but it felt like I was in a foggy space, but it wasn't foggy... like a dream, you know but you don't know... and I kept bumping into "myself."  Every time I tried to move, versions of "myself," bumped into me and slowed me down."
I thought this was extremely insightful.  Now, I'm no specialist on psychedelia, but if this is the type of insight and knowledge you walk away with... I'm impressed.  He then said it made him feel more confident because he felt it was a direct analogy to his life and things he's done relating to every aspect of life.  He continually got in his own way.  Once he saw it from this angle, it the issues became clear.   Reminded me of one of the opening scenes in The Doors movie where they quoted William Blake, “If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite."

But I found my place and it's alright
We all searching for our better way 
Got yours off my plate, it's alright
I got my own way to believe

Kinda going through some transitions and seeing some things from new and different angles.  All rooted in experience I guess, which really can cover anything, so that's kind of a wimpy way of writing it.  But you do have to go through a particular curtain to find a new angle.  Right now, I just feel a very strong pull to get as far away from any negative energy as possible.  Even being near an ego with bad intentions bugs me.  Almost like sitting near a racist.  You how you know one, but you sure don't sit with him at lunch or share ideas.  You're just not on the same "team," right?  Same thing here.  I feel their greedy little wicked ego and I move my seat.

Find a lighthouse in the dark stormy weather

We all could use a sedative right now
Holy rollers sittin with their backs to the middle 
All hands on deck, sinking is the bow

I was doing some people watching... wondering how much of life they enjoyed or enjoy.. did they, are they capitalizing?  Did they, are they, making the most of it?
Or did they go into debt?
Did they work 20 years at a job they hated?
Did they/do they travel?
Did they/do they have any goals?
Did they/do they experience this?
Or did it/does it whip they asses?
Not judging, wondering.  Because I'm actually wondering about myself.  Am I a passenger or driver?  I wonder all the time.  And when the wonder creeps in, I grab the wheel and turn it, hard.  Just to prove to myself I still can and this is not a dream.  It might be a moment, it might be a really fast 80 years or 40, but its an opportunity to find pleasure and enjoyment and that's why we are here.
We are not here to be a part in this countries economy, that's just a crazy game we all play.  Real life monopoly.  We don't have to, we choose to.  I'm on team ENJOY LIFE.  Whatever that may be, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.  I can do anything I want to.  So can you.  Sounds so brave at a keyboard, sitting at kitchen table, but its true.  You just to, we all just have to fight the fears.

And if you wanna have to pray, it's alright

We all be thinking with our different brains
Get yours off my plate, it's alright
I got my own way to believe

WE have to fight the fears and panic and anxiety, right?  The come along, they creep in like a storm.  One drop of water hits the windshield and we go "ah, shit, looks like rain," and then it comes.  Thats panic and anxiety.  We see it coming and we have choices. We can try to take shelter and wait for it pass safely, or we drive straight into it at 100mph and crash or recognize it for what it is... our own minds.  If this were a movie, this is where I'd freeze the rain drop right in front of the camera....
The fear/panic/anxiety is created by our own minds and we can control it.  Again, not being the know it all behind the lap top, but I have struggled with this immensely and still o to a degree.  I've psyched myself out of a lot of things.  But read it again.  I HAVE psyched MYSELF OUT of a lot of things.  I take ownership.  I did it to myself.  No one gave me the fear, I scared myself.  No one said anything to make me panic, I made up a worst case scenario and fell apart.
Lesson learned.  Now I see a storm coming, I pause or try to, and think "How funny."

It's ok

Sometimes you find yourself 
Having to put all your faith
In no faith 
Mine is mine, and yours won't take its place
Now make your getaway

True story.  I was walking through a business and noticed a light was on that didn't need to be, so I turned it off.
Someone asked, "why did you do that?"
I said "why not?"
They said "you don't pay the bill."
So what?  
If you see something to do, do it. Do the right thing.  If someone has a blinker on, let them in, why not?  Why bother building this asshole mentality?  someone behind you in line with 1-8 items or so and you have a cart full, let them in.  Hold a door for someone.  Over tip.  Be extra nice to the cashiers at the grocery store or gas station.  Why not?  Why not put energy into being nice and helpful and combat the negative?

Science says we're making love like the lizards

Try and say that fossils ain't profound
Simon says that we are not allowed to consider
Simon says "Stand-up. Sit-down. You're out!"

A guy said "we thought you were going crazy," in regards to my resent posts. 
I laughed but thought just the opposite.  Crazy compared to this?  It could look that way.  I think its rather un-crazy though.  
The difference, to me, between crazy and un-crazy, is fear.  Crazy is scared shitless.  Crazy is afraid to lose and fail.  Crazy is attached to things that arent theirs.  
I dont have those fears. 

But I found my place, and it's alright

Bearing witness to some stranger days 
Get yours off my plate, it's alright
I got my own ways to believe

How to go un-crazy.... takes a long, long time.  You have to screw up a lot.  You have to buy in and then gamble it all and lose. Then buy in again.  You have to see birth and death.  You have to go to the bottom and then find a way out, alone.  You have to see time is not linear, but circular.  
And do it over and over, like washing the Doors of Perception and everything will appear as it is, Infinite.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Momentum and Howard Hanna

I don't really do New Years resolutions, but not for the typical douchy "Should've been working on the goals in November!" or "Why wait for  date on a calendar to change?" reason... But kinda for those reasons.  All in all, whatever works for you and helps curve that momentum to start working for you.
See, I'm not into resolution's and drastic changes.  I have a funny feeling we can google some stats on that and see the numbers aren't very favorable.
Does that mean we're screwed??? It's New Years Day for Gods sake!

My recommendation, don't make any wild, life changing resolutions, until you do a couple things first.

1) Internal Inventory & Assessment
I'll use myself as the example here.  There are some things I'm targeting, but I don't have dates on them.  They are goals I have for... now, I guess.  It's not an "Accomplish goal x by 4/1/17," kinda thing but more of a life work thing, so its what I work towards everyday.  But the finality, the end result, there isnt a date.
In the past, I've freaked out.  I've panicked, I've quit, I've looked for excuses or reasons for coming up short, and I've failed and felt sorry for myself.
So I know to reach my goals, those are the things I need to work on.  I need to work on my overall patience and trust failure.  You'll read all day on motivational pics on instagram, how valuable failing really is and everyone who's ever succeeded, has failed.  Many, many times.
It's ok to blow it, as long as you learn.

So when I write about the internal inventory & assessment, thats the analysis needed to make sure you reach the goal you have inside.  You can say "I'm going to start at the gym and lose 25lbs by March," and it's a really solid goal, but if you don't have the tools inside to keep that commitment, you will fail.
Sit down with a pen and paper and write your own pros and cons, as if you are your own boss or coach, this is something I do ALL the time.  I have a voice in my head, a friendly coach, who honestly critiques my work and behavior, pros and cons.  To grow and move forward, we have to find ways to be honest with ourselves and we cant blame external forces or circumstances for everything.  Can we get screwed?  Sure, that can happen.  But there's also room for personal ownership even in that.
Go through your strengths and weaknesses before setting the new years goals.  Identifying these will help you recognize issues and possible resistance within, or self sabatoge.  Or you may end up finding bigger goals inside and see how well equipped you are to take on more.  Maybe you have a business plan inside or a book, and with a some tweaks in time management (watching tv or playing with your phone), you can free up an extra hour per day to get after that plan.  And 1 hour per day... do that math (times 7, times 30, times 12.. that's a lot of free time).

My inside work right, I'm working on patience with myself.  Not just being more patient as a person, but actually towards myself.  I have habits of beating the shit out of myself if things dont go as planned or a vision falls short.  I need to be better at massaging those external forces to work with my path and to continue moving, despite set backs.

2) External Inventory & Assessment
Once you have that internal list taken care of, check out the outside, but dont lean too heavy here.  We all know getting things done is an inside job, however, seeds grow best in great, healthy soil.  When we want to plant a garden, if we want to reap the benefits of the seeds, we take care of the soil first.  We rototill, we remove weeds and and clay, we make sure our area is planned out well so there is plenty of sun shine and the plants are damaging each other.  Right?  So as we head out on our journey through life, we need to make sure we treat ourselves the exact same way.  We will not grow fully in bad soil with limited sunshine.  Will we grow?  Sure, but not as full and beautiful as we could have or should have, had we taken the steps and been brave enough to put in the work early.

Do you have friends or family members planting weeds in your mind or trying to keep you in the shade?  You know what to do.  Start treating yourself with the same advice you'd give your best friend or a child.

Exercise:  Write a letter to yourself.  Address it as "Dear _______, I've been noticing...." and just write.  What do you want to see yourself do to feel better or to live better?  Offer that advice right here and become your own best friend and life coach.

As above, so below.  As in, so is out.  As you read those two sections, you may have seen how they'll cross over into each other and maybe you already started the self talk and analyzing.  Maybe you started thinking of where things will be difficult, that's ok.  See it as a challenge for yourself.  When you know you're headed towards one of your perceived weaknesses, get excited for it and lock in, focus.  You may find the weakness wasn't really a weakness, but more of a lack of experience.  After a few rounds with this foe, you may find its really a strength.

If anything, adjust your momentum.  You really don't need to make any bold proclamations and go nuts.  Just push the energy in a direction, recognize it, commit to it and enjoy it.  Think about momentum.  Let that be a word in place of habit.  

Along those lines of momentum, inventory and assessment, self coaching, etc. be very mindful of self talk.  Know that what you say out-loud, to yourself, whether emotions or opinions, whatever it may be, it will manifest internally and become something.  Feelings are not facts.  They come and go and they're moody.  They might be real, but they might be total bullshit too.  So be careful with what you say you love or hate, who you feel what for, on and on, you know what it is.


Last week, I resigned with my old office, the Howard Hanna branch in town and I'm pretty excited about it.  Really only touching on here, not as an ad (but DEFINITELY call me asap to go touring!) but more about this self talk.
I've been an agent for a couple years now, and set my license aside for about a year, telling myself things like "it's not me," or "they wont believe this is me," and weird bs like that.  I was sticking myself in a box, all in my own head.  Apparently, being in the gym is believable, or working shipping/receiving somewhere is believable, but not being an excellent real estate agent... pretty weird.   I remember psyching myself out when I'd have to meet someone selling their home, already thinking "they're going to think I'm a dumb meat head."  Why?!?!  Look how weird that even reads.  I remember one day, I was meeting a man who was selling his home and I wanted to represent him.  I literally remember pulling in and making eye contact and thinking "He knows I'm a f'n personal trainer," and the deal never happened.
The deal never happened because my confidence was trash and my self doubt was incredibly high and for no reason at all.  I crushed my state and federal exams.  Knew the info so well, I didn't even have to read the full question before knowing the answer.  The knowledge was there, the processes were there, what was the hang up?  Belief and confidence because I had terrible self talk and sabotaged myself.
So this was something I always knew I had in  my back pocket and could go back to one, something I very much wanted to do. I truly enjoy real estate business.  It's fun, its constant, its always interesting, and most importantly, you are serving people and improving lives.
The last thought should've been my #1 all along.  Because it hit me last week... whats the difference when I walk into a gym vs a home?  Meeting a new gym member vs meeting someone who wants to buy or sell a home?
I was listening to an audio book recently and I forget the President that was referenced, but this was back in 30's or 40's, and a media member was interviewing the President and he referenced that the President came from a family of laborers. the intent of the reference was to highlight this media members idea of "He's a laborer, what could he know about being a President?" The President replied "Yes, with a great reputation for impeccable workmanship, attention to detail, punctual delivery and unquestionable work ethic."
In essence, how you do anything is how you do everything. I know of my reputation as a trainer and coach and its not because I've discovered a new range of motion in the human body, but because of how I take care of people. My customer service, my communication, my work ethic to see them (the client) meet x goal, those are the things that make a great trainer and have and will continue to guide me through a very successful real estate career.
(see that positive self talk right there?  I'm practicing!)