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Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Just Breathe

7 days... took about 5 to hammer me.  I think those first few days were like getting shot out of a cannon, straight up into the air and you're thinking "hooooo-lllllly shiiiit," as you're shot 500 feet up... then theres a slight pause... then you redirect and head straight to the earth and crash.
And it is one fucking crash.

The best exercise I have, is to give advice to myself as if it were someone else.  When I have my own positive voice, trying to feed myself positive input, it feels right.  Trouble is, our own positive voice can get its ass kicked by the million other voices. And when you're talking to someone who is stressed to all hell, crying periodically throughout the day, and lost someone... what can you say?
I would sit him down and say - You have to take care of yourself.

I've written it a few dozen times in a few dozen ways, I'm sure, but it's all connected.  Right?  I think we're all in agreement on that by now.  We know our mind controls everything, emotions are stored in muscles/joints, stress(es) can beat the shit out of system, our stomach and  digestive tract is nearly our second brain, on and on.  Very random list, but if you dont know our bodies are more than "left foot, right foot, eat, shit, sleep," then this blog entry is a bit much for you.   All of our systems are connected.  They communicate and create, heal and hurt.

So in life, when shit is hitting the fan all around you... focus on the basics and take care of yourself.  Same thing I'd say in the gym or on the field.  Keep it simple, take care of yourself.  Do the next right thing, then do the next right thing.  Put a bunch of those in a row and now you have momentum.  Do it again and channel that pain into product, use the anger for energy, burn it off and let it go.
Thats all for today.

In person, please dont ask how I'm doing.  I can lie in text, so thats ok, but not to your face, and I'd rather not ruin the moment.  I know its the only thing to ask, but its ok, Id rather you didnt.

Monday, April 17, 2017


I was supposed to write a post or do something to let her old friends or maybe my old friends know.  
So I sat in the kitchen for a minute trying to think of what to write or where to write it.  I figured here was a nice, comfy spot and ironic considering I always assumed my mom "padded," my blog stats (by opening the links a couple hundred times, making me feel like people read it). 
Because when I post this after finishing, she won't be sitting at her computer screen looking up crafts or planning a garden or opening this link.  Because somewhere between midnight and 6am on April 17th, she passed away.  
So as I sat in kitchen deciding this blog, I then wondered what I'd write when sitting down.  What could I say?  What's not cliche or corny?  So I asked, What's honest?  

My mom was the kind of person you'd meet or know or sit with and you'd walk away thinking "I wish my mom was more like that."  
Anything good you could say about me, it came from her.  If you think I'm nice or empathic, I don't know.... any positive characteristic I have, she gave it to me.  
I remember being a little kid and it was always "be nice to your brother and sister," and "treat people how you want to be treated," and constant attention to my life, and my brother and sister.  She just wanted everyone to be nice and get along and she did everything she could to ensure that wherever she was.  
And fed.  Probably in backwards order.  
Are you hungry?
Are you being nice?
And then, you're not in trouble, are you?

As a grandmother.... even better.  Really.  She taught the girls and put them right into this momentum they're carrying, of arts and literature and music and it's amazing.  I rarely write about them but my daughters are 4.0 students, can pick up nearly instrument and play something within 30 minutes, paint your crafts for the season then help plant your garden.  Clearly, I don't obtain those attributes and although their school brains comes from their mother, I see my moms "teachings," all over them.  They think and problem solve, I think my dad helped w that. They read between the lines and see you, they know when I lie.  
I always said "if Abby was taller, she'd work for me."  At this rate, I should be really nice to her.... she might be interviewing me in about 10 years.  Livi is a mini me, which might be a mini mom, so....

In mid-Feb when things unraveling, we sat in a room and talked.  And I saw the panic on her eye, the kind i saw when she'd need me to help her on some stairs... and she asked "would you be mad at me?" 
I asked for what.
She said "if I can't beat this...."
"No mom," even here caring how we feel about her cancer.  

This evening as I stood next to her body, only sister in the room, i held her hand and thanked her.   That's all I could think to say... thank you.
Thank you for helping raise the girls. 
Thank you for how you raised us. 
Thank you for being so supportive and kind and loving and helpful and everything you were.  
Things are a little darker without her light.

Sunday, April 2, 2017


I was working with the team this week.  Pretty solid session, a lot of younger guys that I haven't worked much with yet.  It was just day 1 of the week, but I saw something that needed tweaked moving fwd, so I brought them over after the session to talk a bit.  I asked, "Is there something more you could've done today?  As the session came near the end, did you let up or were you looking for more work?"
Again, day 1 and I just met a lot of these guys, so it wasn't time to blow anything up yet, but I saw a lot of comfort and easy walking.  This was a weight room session, not throwing horseshoes at a picnic.  So I drew the picture of what it looks like, what a team looks like, what a business looks like, what a human looks like when they do just enough to get by.  

I got by.  

I made it.

I finished.  

Now, these guys were good to go the rest of the week.  I think they enjoyed the talk, but this got me thinking through the week.  
How we can get into ruts or grooves of habit where we start to say things like that and operate like that... just enough.  Clean enough, done enough, good enough, lets relax now.  
I do it.  (I've said it nearly every blog, I'm above or below, I'm with).  I have days where the as is just eh and I'm just getting by.... but I notice it. When it happens, I step back and try to witness myself as a character and get a little "judgy."
And I literally stop and ask myself two questions:
1) Whats the next right thing?
2) What more can I do?  

"Whats the next right thing?" I think can solve so many situations, conversations, anything.  Good or bad day, high energy or low energy, even stuck in traffic or waiting to watch your daughters 3 hour, 5th grade talent show, "What's the next right thing?" will keep momentum rolling or if it wasn't too hot, it'll help bring it back.  
And "Whats the next right thing?" might be super simple or something you overlook or take for granted.  The next right thing might be a phone call to a friend or even a little you time.  

Question #2 was "What more can I do?"  and this one gives me anxiety... to a point where I'm kind of struggling right now.  A few intense situations are soaking up some emotional energy and its had an effect.  So asking "What more can I do?" has caused some sleep issues.  
But I honestly don't know if I'd want it any other way.  Because that anxiety and fear of the question ever flipping around and wondering "What more could I have done?" is too much.  
So I ask "What more can I do?" to keep moving and energy focused, to stay ahead of and avoid failures.

Friday, March 17, 2017

"Why would someone hire Jason?"

So that question came through... tough one, good one.  If you know, I'm pretty awful at actually marketing myself.  To the point where I created a business name and use it to write "we," and "us," in materials.  There is no "us," or "we," in the Blue Chip business, its just me.  But I cant say "I," and "me," for some reason.  So I write and post under the business.  A woman came in to sign up for training and I asked how she heard of me.  "I heard you're a really good realtor."  I laughed and thanked her.  Glad she heard that, but that didn't qualified me as a trainer.

So why would anyone hire me?  I think it's a 2 part answer.  First part is basic and boring answer.  
Part 1) 
I hope saying random things fills it in... 
If we created a trainer that:
Coaches football  
Has trained 1000's of junior high/high school females
Teaches yoga
Extremely sound in form instruction in all movements
Buddhist basically
Can program and coach anything from beginners to NFL, fitness competitions to pre/post pregnancy 
Swings kettles
Lover of all things pearl jam, rogan, dolce, aubrey and onnit.
Pretty grounded and balanced in his own training  

And just stopping there, I can point to those categories I created and I think it draws an interesting landscape of love, empathy and hard ass work.  There isn't much difference to me between football and yoga.  To know what goes into coaching football, then working with young women, similar but difference.  Both demand high level or care and empathy, yet tough love and ability to know when to press an issue.  They are competitive sports and a fire often needs to be installed (In yoga, that fire can need to be found or re-lit).  

I think those point above paint a picture of a balanced, open minded trainer who knows what hes doing in the weight room for anyone.  I already feel like a douche in even writing that much. 

But part 2) just kinda hit me two days ago.

I had a moment where I wanted to go home.  With everything going on with my mom, my energy was shit and I just wanted to go home, lay down on a couch and sleep.  
Then I looked at my schedule and thought "F that, these people are counting on me to help get them to where they want to go," and thats more important than my lazy ass nap or quiet time or feeling bad for myself.  
When I was younger in this, it effected me greatly if someone didn't reach goals.  Over time I separated myself from the finality and would say "Hey, if they dont get it done, thats on them."  then I thought what a dickhead thing that is for me to say, something I would never say about a team I coached.  If we lose on Friday night, I'm taking that one on me.  So when a client doesn't make it happen, thats on me.  I set out to be a better "coach," not just some idiot trainer in the gym that anyone can find.  Anyone can google personal trainer northeast Ohio and scroll through pages of average.  
I was talking to someone yesterday and he asked what I do and the process.  He knows gyms, he was actually a trainer years ago and when I told him, he paused, gave me a fist bump and said "You know these other guys dont go that far?"  
Thats always been me.  I go further than "them."  

My client last night, shes getting ready for a wedding.  I will never cancel on her.  I will never come in and deliver a lame ass session.  
I have a handful of clients losing pounds, most in double digits since 1/1/17, most near 20 pounds.  I will never lose focus for their goals.  
I have a client who is probably pound for pound, the strongest person I train, around 108lb female.  She's been with me for 3 years now and I will never bore her with program design.  I will always find new ways to challenge her and keep her engaged. 
I have a client who is coming off of a grueling hip and shoulder surgery among other things.  She's already lost 50+ under my time and we're not done.  I'm going to get her back to the healthiest situation possible.  
And you read yoga, you read Buddhism, you read whatever else above, its not just physical strength we're talking about.  Again, any jackass on a bench can probably increase your strength.  I want to increase your "brain."  You're going to get mentally stronger here.  You're going to manage your stress and anxiety better here.  
I have a client, I asked her to come w goals, most of her goals were mental like "improve my self esteem," and "have a better outlook on life."  She doesn't even know who shy just signed up with.  I know that reads ego, but it is what it is.  Someone may come in with mental hang ups, we all have them.  Someone may come in with negative self talk, everyone has had phases of it.  
Thats what I'm looking at.  I can coach squats with my eyes closed.  I can program speed and agility all day long.  Its the intangibles in the psyche that really changes lives.  

The Power Program.  I didn't think Id run it again, but if I find a home and assistance in marketing it, its on.  Somehow, somewhere, some way.  I think it captured all of this.  


Sunday, March 12, 2017

Crazy Monkey

Might as well dive in, and this one wont be depressing or anything.  I think it may have you wondering and questioning some things.

A friend asked how my mom was doing, so if you're not caught up, you might want to read the last 2-3 entries, yet my answer isn't the topic.
From an angle, you might think I'm going crazy.  And to be totally honest, I've wondered myself, and tried to work for some mental separation from the big picture to make sure it hasn't happened yet (it, being losing my mind).
Here's why, or how.
Odds are against us, right.  That's somewhat accepted.  Like I wrote, I've been a part of many things where the odds were poor but we battled anyway.  Some we won, some we lost.  So when the odds are against you, you ask "What can we do?"  You game plan, whether its work or health or sports or anything, you set a goal and have a plan and get to work.
So the game plan was researched and prepared.  The chemo route was "12 months at best," so we had to find another way, the way was natural.  And you can find countless articles, studies, facilities, and holistic doctors who will support it.  This is all right in my zone.
So we're heading into a meeting one day and I call the doc and let her assistant know what the plan is and that I need her to assist by offering hope in this plan... seeing as though the other route is "12 months at best."  Sound fair enough?  I asked if they could word things gently and help to "offer hope."  My exact words.   The response was "I'm sorry, but we can only speak to what the medical tendencies are."
I said "I completely understand... but people believe doctors and if you say x, y, and z, you're going to make belief, hope and effort much more difficult."
She said "I'm sorry."
"Right, I get it, 12 months, but..."
"Sir, there is no evidence to support any alternative medicines."

1500 years ago, people believed the earth was flat and there was no evidence to support otherwise... not we know better.

And this has been my hill to climb since.  I think this rigged.  I think a lot of this is a set up.  I think society and culture is grown to believe certain things and we fall into line like cattle because that's just how it is and just how we do it, and its all bullshit.

A doctor admit we obtain vitamin D from sunshine.
We didn't know that x years ago.  Just as we receive vitamins and essential nutrients from nearly every single thing that comes from the ground, and none of this was known x years ago.  We were just a bunch of dumb-ass monkeys, wondering the fields and jungles, eating anything we could find, swinging from trees, eating bananas and mushrooms.

The difference between then and now?
We're just slightly smarter monkeys.  Smarter but crazy.
I think the way has been lost.  I think greed and power has high jacked society and our future.  And I think we see proof of it every day on the news.

I see things now and i wonder "who benefits from that, financially?"
That's how procedures and law is made now.  "Law?  Huh?"

Take a look at college loans and the job market.  You cannot make an honest, open minded argument that its not designed to screw over thousands of people by keeping them tied to debt.  People are told they have to have a degree to get x job.  So they head off to a school, drop $100,000 in loans and come out 5 years later with a job that pays $40,000 and it then takes 10-15 years to pay off that school loan... while trying to actually figure out what they want to do with life.  I know a company who demands a college degree and only starts people around $35,000.  How does that make any sense?  Look at teachers.  Asked to get a masters within x years and we all know how much they make and what they're asked to do.

Something I rarely talk about, but I have about 60 credits of college courses.  My plan was to become a health teacher and last year I went in to meet w a counselor and discuss narrowing down my classes and hone in on the target goal.  She then told me "Ohio no longer offers health education."  I said ok... how do I teach Health in high schools?  I was told to major in special ed or anything else and minor in health, because schools only teach a few semesters of it, not a full course load (public schools, at least).
So let me re-write this and maybe find the logic... we teach math, ok... we teach the arts and such, ok... we teach history books (that have a good dose of inaccuracies, but ok)... and we do not teach people nutrition.
Doesn't this look like an issue to anyone?  Kids arent being taught basic nutrition.  My kids tell me what goes on in phys ed.  If there isn't health class anymore, why isn't this done in phys ed?  Kids arent even being taught the value of movement, they're just playing games like kick ball and its not even mandatory.
One of the most valuable aspects of basic education should be our own bodies and how they operate and its not being taught and to make matters worse, the information is literally a pain in the ass to find.  So when I think of becoming a certified nutritionist or something along those lines, I quickly wash it away.  I dont need to pay some bullshit company $500 or $99/month to teach.
I can do it everyday on the facebook page or this blog or restart the podcast or anything, anywhere. Just right now, I have a handful of clients who have lost 10+ lbs since the new year, some have already topped 20+ loss and its no trick, its no gimmick, there isnt a master plan attached to  company, its education and self awareness.  Thats not harsh.  It is what it is.  They obtained information and executed.  And just today, one of them text w this weeks loss and heres the kicker... her daughter is losing and now the husband.  The entire family is turning a corner and making changes that will greatly effect their future.
Want to know what they did?

You'll have to sign up for personal training to find out...


They cut sugar out.  Thats it.  (like my use of PSYCH?  Very 90's)
Cut the sugar.  Not easy to do and I recommend using an app to help read labels and set daily/weekly goals.  Again, it will not be easy.  But when you see what bullshit sugars do to your body, you'll see the need to start paying attention.  Search for some documentaries like "Fed up."

I've been writing and preaching "Primal," aspects for years.  To eat natural and move your body and yoga and meditation and some times it might read like a broken record but pay attention.  Learn what our bodies and what our brain is capable of, especially the brain.  You can steer this life however you want to go if you focus and apply with everything you have.
I'm not saying you can will $1,000,000 into your bank acct this week, but just maybe you have the idea or concept for a company that can.

The mind and your energy can do anything you want it to do if you believe, put in the effort and never lose hope.

Note:  The doc from above... I remember leaving and feeling bad for her.  Weird right?  She just said what she said, and I felt bad for her.
I feel bad shes so committed to what she already learned that she stopped looking for more.  That telling someone "12 months," is the job.  I wouldn't be able to do it. I want answers and truth.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

  I have a little routine I look for before sitting down to poke away here.  Usually involving some Alpha Brain, water,  and some Hendrix.  Today its "Electric Ladyland."  I watched a little bit of The Doors movie yesterday, and it's much cheesier than I remember.  When I was 19, that movie was perfection.  Now its kind of clunky and cheesy.... one of us changed.

  I may have my phone out early to overlook some notes I've taken since my last writing session.  As I work through the days, I watch things, think things and take notes to expand on later, moments like now.  Then I put the phone away so I'm not distracted by texts or random crap on social media... as I check my phone for texts one more time.

Where to begin...
  I've had an interesting view this season.  I'm obsessed with witnessing human development.  It would probably be an issue for me if I didn't have some Buddhist blood funneling through me.  I say that because it's distracting and I often watch and daydream about "their," life and minds.  The Buddhism whispers "Come back here," and I smile and let the thoughts fade.

  I was at dinner last night and watched little baby Sawyer (niece) play with her food and make faces, not many noises, but such a content, happy soul (I'm not there if there's any crying at 2am, so I'm one of the people that can enjoy the highlights).  But I watch these babies and think of how this is there expression of now.  All of their needs and wants and anything that needs expressed, its all right there for us to read or attempt to... and it's really mind blowing to think of.   To go from nothing.. to chance.. to a fertilized egg... to birth and then a rocket ship of stimulation and education and expression and experiences.  What's learned from birth to 2, from 2 to 6, from 6 to 12 on and on...  I think it's pretty heavy.  I was at a birthday party, earlier in the day yesterday, many 1-3 year olds and it was different but the same.  Thee can now communicate with us a little easier, but they're not afraid.  Or afraid in the sense i mean.  Yes, a kid pulled my leg thinking it was his dad and when I looked down, a diaper may have been filled quickly, but not afraid in terms of expression.
Look at it like this:  How many people do you know who actually live in fear?  You may think none or that you're not one.  Are you afraid to express yourself?  Are you afraid to experience?  Are you afraid of growth, change, stimulation?  Challenge?  Failure?

A 4 year sees a jungle gym and attacks... we might be worried about falling or failing.  

  Then I see my daughters, now 10 and 12.  How they've accelerated to their current stage blows my mind.  They are light years ahead of who I was at 10 or 12.

  Then I see the guys at the school, between 15-18 and who they are, what they do, how they operate through their phase.  Again, light years past who I was.

  20's-30's, are we "adults, yet?  40's, 50's, work and savings and vacations and operating life.

  Then spending time in all these hospitals and ICU's and rehab centers...
From babies to

  I hope you get a chance one day to just witness.  Imagine you're not even here, sit back and watch a baby, watch kids play, watch your relatives, watch people in a gym or a mall, watch growth, watch the circle.

  Be useful, be helpful.  If you're around kids of any age, understand you're in a position to help grow someone.  And your influence will either be an assistance, helpful and useful or the opposite.  You can hurt growth and brain function.  I mean brain function, literally, and not by a drug or exterior chemical.  Negative conversations or planting negative seeds in a young ones mind can be very damaging.  Most people dont even realize how damaging they can be, or how damaged they already are because of someone else that entered your life at a young age and said or did something that effected you.  Pretty wild, right?  You may have a particular hang up, maybe you cant keep a boyfriend or you quit things, and you've said "I suck at ____," or "I'm just not good at ____," but the root is found in something that effected you, that shaped you.  Good chance it can be undone.   But if you dont know what it is, you wont know where it is, and you wont be able to dig it out and throw it away.
At work, w/ kids, family, or a stranger, be kind, be useful, be helpful.

  I haven't mentioned it much but I've been working fairly strong on a keto based plan since the new year.  Aside from a 5-7 day issue that I blame a little Vegas vacation for, its been rock solid.  One thing I've probably noticed more than anything, and I might be making it up, but my brain is definitely not sluggish and its made me afraid for sugars more than ever.  I literally dont want any shit food, not because not physical reason, but I just dont want a slow, sluggish brain.  More than anything else.  I've found this bizarre little wave of very clear thinking and focus and calm and I really think a donut might scatter those connections (obviously not fully, literally but still).  Really attaches to my point up top, where I mentioned obsessed with human development, I probably meant it more on a neuro level than anything else.  How brain cells interact and chemicals release per x experience or other chemical... truly amazing.  Even in our own interaction, non-verbal cues and how the brain processes in the subconscious... unreal.  The subconscious is really what amazes me most.  Probably why I find so much pleasure in reading about the things I enjoy.
   But excellent nutrition, movement like running, yoga, circuit training, probably even branches of martial arts (I couldn't speak to it, just from what they say), experiences and growth, meditation or moments of (we have them more than we know), moments of spiritual questioning or searching than finding peace... a grounding in hedonism, but do no harm... journey... these things I listed, write your story.  And don't let it be a check list of the basic Life To-Do's.  Go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, go to work, retire, die.  Don't bullshit around, I know people who have virtually no story but that.
  I truly believe in order to find nirvana or enlightenment, you have to operate life in  certain direction and the path is to move your body in a very strenuous way often.  I think you have to run hard sometimes.  I think you have to sweat your face off in a yoga room.  I think you have to have control of what goes into your mouth (is it helping you or hurting you?  Do you even know?)  I think you have to travel and experience weird shit.  I think you have to see nature in the purest form you possibly can.  I think you have to fail, get dumped, get fired and fuck things up when you're young.  You have to learn.  I think you have to search for the holy spirit, whatever it may be to you and dive into yourself.  Find pleasures.  Do things that feel really good.
Because we go from babies to kids to "adults," (which is older kids), to a little older kids, to checking the clock, really fast.  And the time we have to feel, to live, to love something, to go somewhere amazing... it's limited.  We might be 90, we might be 60, and you'll never know.
Get rid of your debt, get rid of anything that holds you back and go have some fun.

(You should know by now, anything I write is directed at myself as well.  People often think I direct these towards someone or a group, but I think thats only because these posts are much more universal than we know... which is for an entirely different blog entry one day).

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Full Mulder

We were sitting in her room, just me and my mom.  Catching up, talking about the new job, this was early December, and the staff dietitian walks in.  She says hello and introduces herself. 
She explains some dietary restrictions and tells my mom that she's on a 2000 calorie diet.  This only perked my attention because it came off like a very generic number, such as the 2000 calorie example we see on all labels in the store.  
So I ask "why 2000 calories?"
She explains that it's the recommendation for someone in her current condition. 
Again, very generic, but now I'm setting her up.  
Because I already know my moms BMR, her health conditions and caloric restrictions.  So now I'm involved like the crocodile in the river and this 55 yr old state licensed, master degree'd, dietitian is Bambi.  
She says "you need to be consuming around 50 grams of protein per day, and the rest in carbs, very low fats."
I intervene "exactly how many carbs and fats?  And is this in her menu?" as I hold up the generic menu that every single person (on a regular diet chooses from) in the entire center. 
"I'm not really sure."

Let's pause for a second.... again, I'm speaking w the dietitian who oversees the menu and nutrition for the patients in the center, and these are very basic questions.  I'm just a guy, and I know 50 grams of protein is only 200 calories.  So shes looking for 1800 calories in mostly carbs... which in this place is going to be a ton of sugar and prepackaged food... which creates more issues and more doctor visits... 
But she's not really sure. 

My mom asks about protein supplements because her appetite is very low, but she knows she can force a drink down to help reach the number. 
Dietitian says "no, they're hire in fats, but I'll give you one that we have here."
I ask "what are the cals, proteins and sugars in yours?"
Guess the answer....
"I'll check on that."
So I say thank you and walk out to the nurses station, requesting the speak w a director.  

Now, you probably know me.  If you've worked w me, you definitely know me.  Have I EVER recommended anything without knowing every bit of information, pros or cons?  Ever.  
No.  But I'm dealing w this.  

Fast fwd... so that above story was December.  
In January, my mom is headed back to UH and into the MICU, battling pneumonia, kidney failure and other issues and while in, cancers are found.  Liver then pancreas then lung. 
Doesn't take very long on google and some medical history to get a solid bearing on a possible root of this.  
But it was MICU, then step down, then MICU then step down, then a rehab center on Harvard, then MICU again then back to heartland, home of the dietitian from the above story.  
Talks of chemo and medical treatments aren't much of an advantage.  Doctors say there isn't much they can do. 
But I disagree.  And I couldnt help but to think of coaching and lessons learned on the fields... no matter the odds... no matter the numbers and records... we're going to prepare and we're going to battle.  Because anything can happen. 

I've always wondered about another way, ever since my friend pointed me towards the "Tree of Life," center in Arizona.  I've read that w a raw diet, meditation and movement, they've cleared cancers, diabetes, ptsd and numerous other diseases that doctors said couldn't be cleared without prescription drugs or damaging therapies.  
I've always said movement is medicine.  
Nutrition is medicine.  
And now here is my mom.... and I have to sell her on this, something new, something she'll see as one of my crazy ass ideas, she's someone who grew up trusting a system.  Trusting doctors.  Trusting what looked like "good food."  

But we're back a heartland... doctors say no more than a year at best.  I say a strong diet, movement, the right supplements and positive thoughts can buy more time.  Can get 1 more garden.  1 more summer.  1 more birthday.  
And I go into her room and find the menu of choices.
All shit.  Ok, 80% shit.  Loaded w sugars and carb loaded meals, very few vegetables, nearly all canned.  Very little protein, no natural fat.
This is the actual menu

So I find the dietitian, because its my understanding that a state licensed dietitian literally writes out a nutritional plan and guidelines w an intent to assist in a healing process, cure or at least not do further damage to someone.  
And I recorded the conversation. 
Me: I 'm wondering who decides what the patients receive.
Dietitian: corporate
Me: gotcha.  So they decide on a handful of items that can be chosen and you create the menu?
Dietitian: yes
Me: ok, I'm wondering why patients have the options of things like.... idk... cheez-its.
Dietitian: (she giggles like its a wild question) why wouldn't they?
Me: um, because it's a rehab center and I've never seen a cheez-it tree.
Dietitian: people need snacks. 

I literally laughed in her face and walked away to find someone hire up. 
"People need snacks."
I want her to quit her job and go do something she's more qualified for. 

So, after being detoured away from two men in administration, I find one of them walking to their car (it's friday around 4:45, time to go home). 
I pose the same exact same questions I did to the dietitian.  
Same.  They blamed corporate.  But they also added "I wouldn't eat the food here."

Ever see a dog or a little kid do something so dumb, so wild, you couldnt respond.  You just kinda sit there like "wow... that just happened."
I asked "then how can you feed this to patients?  To sick people?  To people trying to heal?"
Response:  It's a budget situation.  No one here makes these decisions, they're made in Toledo at the corporate office.  I'll give you their info, I'd love it if someone raised the issue to them.  

I will go to Toledo and meet with who makes these decisions.  I want them to tell me how this menu is suitable for anyone, let alone someone in rehab with digestive cancers.

Moving forward with this... I'm not letting it go.  I think this will be a very productive way for me to exercise my current anger.  
I've said it before and the more I look at it, the more I see it.  It's like that 3d puzzle with directions to stare int he  middle and eventually a face appears... well, I've been staring at this situation, and I see it very clearly.  
The population, society, is flooded with distractions and disinformation.  Distractions to keep you from looking and disinformation to finding the truth and confusing you.  
This entire system is rigged for money.  I know I'm not going down a wild path in context with the rest of the post but follow me for a minute.  
Fat vs carbs?
Low fat?
Low carb?
Which is better?
Sugar free.
is it really?
Grass fed meats vs non?
Walk the aisles and read labels... which is better?  Which is actually healthy?
Now place yourself in the position of a very busy mother or father... 3 kids... sports or extra activities all year around... you're busy, you're stressed, you're both working 40+ hours per week... quick, whats for dinner?  
Why is the information, why is the truth, so hard to find?
Because disease makes money.  
And the more illness, the more jobs.  
You might be thinking I lost my mind, but I invite you to walk with me through a grocery store and then a hospital.  
In the grocery store, you will probably learn all the bullshit on the labels.  
In the hospital, you'll see dollar signs.  
Or invite me... you find how I'm wrong.  You tell me how me how marketing and lies hasn't fooled society for 30 years.  You tell me how we've advanced so much in technology yet some cures seem to still be missing, despite some of the largest research departments and fund raising organizations the world has ever known.  
Ya, I'm mad.... but I'm also happy that I've found the enemy and I plan to do as much as I can to educate and deter the habits that land people in places like Heartland in Mentor.