Jordan Peterson said "I don't know how you lay it out properly... but you tell people that you love how to avoid the road to hell, and you don't do that because you're shaking your finger at them or because you're a moral authority. You do it because you don't want them to burn."
A few years ago, I wrote "He asked, 'Now what do we do?" and I painted a picture, a bit of an abstract thought pattern for designing a path of life through a stage. A very beginner, a new explorer type idea, limitless. You are the creator.
They didn't outright ask, but I saw it on their faces... even 1000 miles away. Again, "Now what?"
So I reached out to people I look up to. I reached out to people I seek out for advice or people that help me spark a new thought to rebuild the energy. Below is a collection of texts I recvd along with my own thoughts, maybe rules of life I learned through x failures, through pain, through seeing kids grow up, the good and the bad, the light and the dark. It all teaches. I don't feel I have a moral authority, I don't want you to burn like others have.
Below might be a paragraph, might be a fortune cookie. People may have sent me a full write up, might have been one line. Doesn't matter. Hope you enjoy and find at least one thing useful for your ride.
Go
Know when to control, know when to let go.
This will become a learned skill through x opportunities, observations and then reflection and correction. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to let go. I don't remember the book, but this reminds me an old Buddhist based book about letting go of the outcome. You can only do and control so much, especially when working with other people. Sometimes the momentum is too much for your energy to overcome. Do what you can, do the best you can, and enjoy the ride.
Don't feel the need to fill a room with empty words
Ever sit and listen to people? Watch them talk? Actually focus in on what drives conversation? So much should really be left unsaid (my own opinion, although I shouldn't really need to say that as this is what it is, my blog). I think when you talk less and think more, your words come from a space of worked-out thought and not thrown into the air to be figured out as they land. When you talk less and think more, the thoughts are already finished, for the most part, and the conversation can volley, if needed. Otherwise, people puke all of these random, nearly unplanned, over-emotional phrases around and hope they land on the correct person, in the correct order, so the person listening can understand them clearly and then agree, disagree, or engage however needed. Talk less, think more.
I don't think my wife likes that I like silence as much as I do, but I do. Absolute silence is very peaceful, which is why I love the float tank the way I do. Gives me plenty of space to clear all distractions and lock in on one thought, without 500 fireworks firing off all around me, all needing me to catch them or comment on them or even look up at them. No, I just want to think and be at peace inside my own head. Sometimes we need to turn all of those fireworks off, all the outside off, and go deep within. When we talk less and think more, we have that space. If we don't, do we really have anything? Talk less, think more.
Never stop learning something
High school may be over, college may be over, a new job orientation may be over. Even the "dating," phase of any relationship may be over. Never stop learning. The world moves quickly. Jobs can change, hobbies change, your likes and dislikes can change. The person I am today, I'm not sure how recognizable I am compared to who I was. I'm so different actually, I get confused when someone says hi to me, I assume they don't know me, its that far away.
Read. Read about history and read opposing views. "History is written by victors." Read the version of the losers.
Read about philosophy. You have to learn how to learn yourself. I'm sorry, but so many people have no clue why they do what they do. People have behavior that consistently tracks them towards poor finishes, then they wonder why... check the playbook. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Change. Learn yourself. It's ok. There is no shame in change, if change is needed. You cant be a monster your entire life, making everyone near you miserable. One of the worst things to do is just that, then regret it, but do it again because you don't know how to recognize the thought patterns that create the action. Learn yourself. Write. Write your story from as far back as you can remember to now and I bet you figure somethings out.
Learn how to cook. Cant depend on apps to delivery your food or anyone else to make a meal. I think this is pretty standard thing to do and pretty useful if you get good at it.
Learn how to manage your money. What should you actually be investing in? Land? Nickel? Gold? What is the long game? I don't know much about this but I know its a skill you'll need. The only thing I knew was "Do not go into debt!" especially credit credit card debt. If you don't have the cash, do you really need it? *this point will age horribly or perfectly over the next few years.
How does your body operate? What exactly is insulin? What are your kidneys for? How much sleep do you need? What does fat do? What does cholesterol do? I cant go too far into this one on this post, but I should have placed it first. I don't think there's anything more important than understanding this awesome "machine," we operate 24/7/365 until the day we breathe our last breath. How amazing is that to think about? Even more amazing, how little we have to think about it? Mind blowing, really. You are the owner, GM, CEO, CFO, CHO, player, trainer, coach, of the most miraculous organism we've ever known and we nearly never take the time to address that. To enjoy it. To fully experience it and witness it. Think about that.
And speaking of your body...
Trust your gut
Instincts will take you a long, long way. Trust them. Part of your instincts will become pattern recognition. When they zig instead of zag, be ready. When eyes dilate, breath gets weird, you'll see it coming and not even see it coming, but you'll see it coming. You will learn to read what wasn't written, hear what wasn't said. The timing between words, the eyes that look away briefly, flushed skin, tapping fingers, posture. The change up in patterns they didn't even know they were running will flag you. Take notice.
The subconscious is always running, always trouble-shooting. Could be a moment, days, even months later when you think ahhhhh... I know now, and it hits you.
Back to talk less, think more... the quieter it is, the easier it is to hear.
Recognize and control thought patterns
Be mindful of your own thought habits and self-stories. Like I wrote in '17, you are the creator, most importantly the narrator you hear all day and night. You can change the way the narrator talks to you. The things he/she says. Control those thoughts and you will begin to operate at a higher level.
Focus on your path
Focus on the best thing you can do right now. What is it? Go do it.
Do you want to start a business? A blog? A website? A new career? Do you want to run across the country? Stare at the goal, focus on the goal, walk towards the goal and make all decisions that align with the goal and I bet you hit it.
Work to Impress yourself, not others
Impressing others will be nice. Applause, thanks, appreciation, that might be really nice. But if that's what you chase, if that's the motivation, you will be left depressed and chasing the applause. Use Focus on the Path to help you lock in and achieve the greatest possible thing you can think of. You will impress yourself and then you'll have the tools, the drive, the skillset to reload and do it again but for a greater feet. Isn't that what growing up is about? We go from flailing around, to crawling to walking, then running and so on. We have a fair amount of time, but it goes by really fast. Use it to chase something awesome. You will impress yourself and probably inspire someone else to chase there's as well.
...but Don't quit
Or as Dr. Jordan Peterson says "If you're going to quit, you better replace it with someone equally challenging." BY FAR, not even close, my biggest regrets are the things I quit. Not even close. I don't have to spend any time thinking about it. Do not quit your chase. (more on this in Do Not Throw Your Gifts Away - below)
Be of service to someone or something and make them look great
I think this one is a really good way to spend some time. A lot of benefit here. Maybe it's donating time to assist on a project with a neighbor, or volunteering for local community event. I don't know the psychology on this, really haven't given it a lot of thought until right now... but I think it helps the self-esteem to not feel useless, when you help someone else. Maybe I just wrote it backwards, but thats how I feel about it. Helping people, gives value to my time. More of this would probably feel pretty good.
Get over yourself
As disappointing as it is to learn this harsh truth... brace yourselves... the world actually doesn't revolve around you. Booooom, heads just exploded, people are running mad, dragons are flying, cities are burning, the earth just opened up and swallowed California, its the end of the world!
Do what's right, not what's popular
You'll know the difference.
1-way door vs 2-way door
Heard this one recently and I really like it, a logical way of devoting energy to decisions. A 1 way door is just that, a door that opens one way. Once you walk through, you cannot go back. These are permanent moves. A 2 way door, opens both ways. You can walk in, assess, stay or leave. Knowing the difference between 1-way doors and 2-way doors can save you a lot of energy, time and heart ache. Don't waste too much time on prelim work with 2-way doors, you can always go back. It's the 1-way doors that need the energy.
Fill up your tank first
You cant take of others if you're running on fumes. You might be "ok," but you will not be at your best.
The company you keep
Be mindful of the people near you. If you don't like them, you're probably saying a lot about yourself. If they're not very ambitious, you're probably saying a lot about yourself. You can continue that x+y=z on and on... the people near you are you. It's a mirror.
Build up one dominant skill
A jack of all trades is nice. Very useful. But have one card you can throw down and own it. That card that says "this is my shit and I dominate with it," type hand. Own it.
Pay attention to your grandparents.
I remember when my moms uncle died, I thought about all the information and experience that went away. As the more go, the more that goes. Pay attention to what they pay attention to. My mom didn't have a lot, but the things she paid attention to was everything. Real. Real relationships. Real people. Real hugs. Real food, real dinner. Real time together. Real experiences. Put the fucking phones away.
Don't let your loved ones burn
You will see friend go down paths that you know will lead to bad places. Grab them. Don't let them go. They will resist, they'll say they know what they're doing, you'll think about giving in. Don't let go.
Don't be comfortable at 60%
I've seen a lot of athletes be pretty good, better than competition at 60%. I've known plenty of kids get A's w 60% effort. I've known guys get paid well w 60% function. Don't let an A or a win or a check make you complacent and slip into 60% function. Push through it, ignore the benefits and grades and scores and push forward and through that.
Do not throw your gifts away
-Dont quit con't-
If you have a gift and you throw it away, if you don't capitalize on it, you will feel pain. There will be an itch that crawls inside of you that will screw with your sleep, it will give you headaches, it will even change the shape of your face into someone you do not recognize. You cannot throw away Gods gifts. I know this reads a little theatrical, but I'm very serious on this one. There is something inside of you that you are very good at, that's the path you need to go. Anything else will age you and fuck you up much worse than you know and it will magnify when you realize you did it.
Chasing that dragon back into the box is a real chore. It takes a hell of lot of time and energy and awareness and sacrifice. Trust me on this one. Do not throw your gifts away.
It's ok to believe in God again.
