Check Engine

 We've all noticed that light.  

We see it and often think, "hhhmmm let's see if it goes away," or "maybe it's nothing," trying to talk ourselves into best case scenario, but it's on.  

We get home, turn the car off, "we'll see how it is tomorrow," head inside and forget all about it.  

"We'll see how it is tomorrow."   Procrastination.  

Ignoring the signals, denial and disbelief.  

The next morning, the light wasn't immediately there, the day started right.  Our entire commute was good, no troubles.  We then go through the day, walk out to the car to head back home, car starts right up... "see, it was nothing."   Then we catch a little traffic and we're idling.  Standstill to 5mph back to standstill.  Oooh some daylight, maybe the jam is over, up to 15mph... nope, back to 5mph.  

Then the light turns back on.  

Shit.  Now you're nervous.  This is NOT the place to have car trouble, center lane on the busiest highway in the city, rush hour.  Not here, not now.  

But it's our fault.  The light was on yesterday.   We saw it, we denied it, we thought we knew better than the signal. "We'll see how it goes."   Well here it is, and not only is the light on, the gauges are starting to read high and you're wondering, "Do I need an oil change?  Did I miss a recall notice?  Did I drive too hard, did I do this?"  

Maybe you get angry and hit the wheel, "Damn car!"

But the light was on.  The sign was there.  You chose to ignore it.  

Damn car.  

Damn knee.  

Damn job.  

Damn husband. 

Damn dog.  

Right?   

Damn coworker.  

Damn coach.  

Damn headache.  

Damn kids. 

Too often, we find ourselves in situations of stress, trouble, injury, turmoil, because we ignore the check engine lights.   Sometimes they're subtle.  Sometimes it's slow text response, sometimes it's just a minor pinch of pain, sometimes it's just an odd behavior we chalk up to a bad day, but the light was there.  Instead of checking under the hood or taking it in to a specialist, we said, "We'll see how it is tomorrow," or "Maybe it goes away," or better yet, "Maybe it's nothing."   

Sometimes it's an alarm.  It's loud, it shocks us out of our seat.  But even then we sit back too often in disbelief... "did I just see what I think I saw?"  "Did I hear that right?"

Check under the hood.  Handle the maintenance.  

Stretch, eat right and get sleep.  Talk, clear the air and be honest.   Get the knee looked at when you have that pinch.  Go to the doc if you're having headaches more often.  Have that 1 on 1 with a coworker and get right.  Examine your thoughts, your goals, your personal why and make sure the system is in alignment.  

Don't ignore the light, the rusted signs, the instincts, and end up broken down in the middle of nowhere.  

100% Chance of Weather

 3 things adjust my view and always present.  The dark, the light and the clock.  How they're "present," is like going to the eye doc and he sets lenses up to clear vision.  "A or B, B or C," and we say "hhhmmm I think C!" and off we go.  I can see when I see dark and light w the clock hanging above.  It always hangs above and it doesn't stop til the end.  

The light is happiness.  We laugh and joke, enjoy things, its a real good time.  I love seeing it and living in this space. It's the kids playing, people are relaxing and enjoying sunshine, it's the cook out.  It's wins.  It's momentum.  It's bonus.   Wind at our back type moments.   Green lights.  This needs no preparation.   Just sit back and have a good time. 

Then there's the flipside.  These days are coming too and nothing you can do can stop it.  Just like you can't stop the weather, can't stop the storm, above you didn't request 80 degrees and clear skies and here you didn't request the flood.  Sudden change.  Tears, depression, challenges you are not (or didn't think you were) ready for. It's loss.  It's the rut.   Out of business.  Dumped.  No answers, no explanations, things just didn't work out the way you imagined and now you feel loss.  

Without the dark, the light wouldn't feel so good.  Without the winter, summer wouldn't matter as much.  And without death and the clock, time would be irrelevant.  

None of it is ever out of my view.  In every "light," I see the darkness lingering, so laughing can make me cry, because I cant stop hearing the ticking.  Literally.  In the dark, the sadness and pain makes me laugh for the exact same reason.   I believe this awareness is A) why I'm not invited out much, I'm not a lot of fun, but also B) why things mean so much.  I am completely aware that any moment could be ours.   

How did you read that last line?  What was your very first thought or emotion when you read,  "Any moment could be ours,"?

You probably just tipped off what light you live in.  If you read that as ending or death, well there you go.  If you read that as opportunity and life, same thing. 

Things never stop changing.   

You don't need much to prepare for sunshine, do you?   Maybe some sun screen, but we're so goofy, we hide from it half the time.  90 degrees out and most people run for chilly AC and shade.   Not me, that's my favorite running weather.  90+ is all mine, no sunscreen.  I want some burn and some pain.  

We plan events around the sunshine because we think we can count on it being there.  Most of the time it is.  Weatherman says "75 and clear skies," we say "perfect day for the park!" or the beach or whatever.  But what do we do when weatherman calls his shot and he's wrong?  Whoopsy.  

Now is when we see who is who.  Who planned in the dark?   Who prepared their mind for this call?  Who envisioned hearing the voice mail... "she's gone."  Who is ready to put their shit away for the tornado rolling in?  "Hope you saved a few bucks, we're about to shut down!"  

Bonus checks, sunshine, wins, your kids, even most love, wont teach you anything without the darkness and the clock.  So how are you going to be ready?   

Find it.  Don't go home after work and get all cozy and lazy.  Don't be satisfied with a few wins under your belt.  7-3?   Fuck those 7 wins, I want to talk about the other 3 (so imagine what 0-10 did/does to me).  Go to the gym, workout hard as fuck and ring out that day of moments you'll forget.  Or go to the gym, workout hard as fuck and ring out the day to put in perspective.   

Nothing can ever be harder than what you're willing to do to yourself.  I think that's a mandatory thought.   Nothing can ever be harder than what you're willing to do to yourself.  This sets a bar of how much we can handle.  How much bad weather.  

Never too high, never too low.   The dark always has some light, the light always has the dark and the clock never stops... the only thing that makes it matter is it will end.  So enjoy both.  Use both.  The hardest, darkest things in and of my life have given me just as much as the greatest, brightest and most perfect. 

It's all memorable and useful.   

Hey you, 

Leave memories behind that flood them w emotion... of all the good, all the effort, all the examples, all the lessons, all the love.  Make them laugh, make them think, grow, learn from mistakes and be there to assist the pick ups.  Leave them with stories.  Make them aware and mindful of the ride we're on, so that they can spread it and build momentum.  Train yourself to be ready for all the weather and show them how you did it.  Share. Don't rush, but know, any moment could be ours.