Sunday, January 15, 2017


Everyone's a critic looking back up the river

Every boat is leaking in this town 
Everybody's thinking that they'll all be delivered
Sitting in a box like lost and found

I was having a conversation w a friend who... well... was on some psychedelics.  I asked him what happened, what he felt, on and on.  
His memory was spotty for details but was really confident in the feelings he came out with.   He said "I don't remember exactly, but it felt like I was in a foggy space, but it wasn't foggy... like a dream, you know but you don't know... and I kept bumping into "myself."  Every time I tried to move, versions of "myself," bumped into me and slowed me down."
I thought this was extremely insightful.  Now, I'm no specialist on psychedelia, but if this is the type of insight and knowledge you walk away with... I'm impressed.  He then said it made him feel more confident because he felt it was a direct analogy to his life and things he's done relating to every aspect of life.  He continually got in his own way.  Once he saw it from this angle, it the issues became clear.   Reminded me of one of the opening scenes in The Doors movie where they quoted William Blake, “If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite."

But I found my place and it's alright
We all searching for our better way 
Got yours off my plate, it's alright
I got my own way to believe

Kinda going through some transitions and seeing some things from new and different angles.  All rooted in experience I guess, which really can cover anything, so that's kind of a wimpy way of writing it.  But you do have to go through a particular curtain to find a new angle.  Right now, I just feel a very strong pull to get as far away from any negative energy as possible.  Even being near an ego with bad intentions bugs me.  Almost like sitting near a racist.  You how you know one, but you sure don't sit with him at lunch or share ideas.  You're just not on the same "team," right?  Same thing here.  I feel their greedy little wicked ego and I move my seat.

Find a lighthouse in the dark stormy weather

We all could use a sedative right now
Holy rollers sittin with their backs to the middle 
All hands on deck, sinking is the bow

I was doing some people watching... wondering how much of life they enjoyed or enjoy.. did they, are they capitalizing?  Did they, are they, making the most of it?
Or did they go into debt?
Did they work 20 years at a job they hated?
Did they/do they travel?
Did they/do they have any goals?
Did they/do they experience this?
Or did it/does it whip they asses?
Not judging, wondering.  Because I'm actually wondering about myself.  Am I a passenger or driver?  I wonder all the time.  And when the wonder creeps in, I grab the wheel and turn it, hard.  Just to prove to myself I still can and this is not a dream.  It might be a moment, it might be a really fast 80 years or 40, but its an opportunity to find pleasure and enjoyment and that's why we are here.
We are not here to be a part in this countries economy, that's just a crazy game we all play.  Real life monopoly.  We don't have to, we choose to.  I'm on team ENJOY LIFE.  Whatever that may be, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.  I can do anything I want to.  So can you.  Sounds so brave at a keyboard, sitting at kitchen table, but its true.  You just to, we all just have to fight the fears.

And if you wanna have to pray, it's alright

We all be thinking with our different brains
Get yours off my plate, it's alright
I got my own way to believe

WE have to fight the fears and panic and anxiety, right?  The come along, they creep in like a storm.  One drop of water hits the windshield and we go "ah, shit, looks like rain," and then it comes.  Thats panic and anxiety.  We see it coming and we have choices. We can try to take shelter and wait for it pass safely, or we drive straight into it at 100mph and crash or recognize it for what it is... our own minds.  If this were a movie, this is where I'd freeze the rain drop right in front of the camera....
The fear/panic/anxiety is created by our own minds and we can control it.  Again, not being the know it all behind the lap top, but I have struggled with this immensely and still o to a degree.  I've psyched myself out of a lot of things.  But read it again.  I HAVE psyched MYSELF OUT of a lot of things.  I take ownership.  I did it to myself.  No one gave me the fear, I scared myself.  No one said anything to make me panic, I made up a worst case scenario and fell apart.
Lesson learned.  Now I see a storm coming, I pause or try to, and think "How funny."

It's ok

Sometimes you find yourself 
Having to put all your faith
In no faith 
Mine is mine, and yours won't take its place
Now make your getaway

True story.  I was walking through a business and noticed a light was on that didn't need to be, so I turned it off.
Someone asked, "why did you do that?"
I said "why not?"
They said "you don't pay the bill."
So what?  
If you see something to do, do it. Do the right thing.  If someone has a blinker on, let them in, why not?  Why bother building this asshole mentality?  someone behind you in line with 1-8 items or so and you have a cart full, let them in.  Hold a door for someone.  Over tip.  Be extra nice to the cashiers at the grocery store or gas station.  Why not?  Why not put energy into being nice and helpful and combat the negative?

Science says we're making love like the lizards

Try and say that fossils ain't profound
Simon says that we are not allowed to consider
Simon says "Stand-up. Sit-down. You're out!"

A guy said "we thought you were going crazy," in regards to my resent posts. 
I laughed but thought just the opposite.  Crazy compared to this?  It could look that way.  I think its rather un-crazy though.  
The difference, to me, between crazy and un-crazy, is fear.  Crazy is scared shitless.  Crazy is afraid to lose and fail.  Crazy is attached to things that arent theirs.  
I dont have those fears. 

But I found my place, and it's alright

Bearing witness to some stranger days 
Get yours off my plate, it's alright
I got my own ways to believe

How to go un-crazy.... takes a long, long time.  You have to screw up a lot.  You have to buy in and then gamble it all and lose. Then buy in again.  You have to see birth and death.  You have to go to the bottom and then find a way out, alone.  You have to see time is not linear, but circular.  
And do it over and over, like washing the Doors of Perception and everything will appear as it is, Infinite.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Momentum and Howard Hanna

I don't really do New Years resolutions, but not for the typical douchy "Should've been working on the goals in November!" or "Why wait for  date on a calendar to change?" reason... But kinda for those reasons.  All in all, whatever works for you and helps curve that momentum to start working for you.
See, I'm not into resolution's and drastic changes.  I have a funny feeling we can google some stats on that and see the numbers aren't very favorable.
Does that mean we're screwed??? It's New Years Day for Gods sake!

My recommendation, don't make any wild, life changing resolutions, until you do a couple things first.

1) Internal Inventory & Assessment
I'll use myself as the example here.  There are some things I'm targeting, but I don't have dates on them.  They are goals I have for... now, I guess.  It's not an "Accomplish goal x by 4/1/17," kinda thing but more of a life work thing, so its what I work towards everyday.  But the finality, the end result, there isnt a date.
In the past, I've freaked out.  I've panicked, I've quit, I've looked for excuses or reasons for coming up short, and I've failed and felt sorry for myself.
So I know to reach my goals, those are the things I need to work on.  I need to work on my overall patience and trust failure.  You'll read all day on motivational pics on instagram, how valuable failing really is and everyone who's ever succeeded, has failed.  Many, many times.
It's ok to blow it, as long as you learn.

So when I write about the internal inventory & assessment, thats the analysis needed to make sure you reach the goal you have inside.  You can say "I'm going to start at the gym and lose 25lbs by March," and it's a really solid goal, but if you don't have the tools inside to keep that commitment, you will fail.
Sit down with a pen and paper and write your own pros and cons, as if you are your own boss or coach, this is something I do ALL the time.  I have a voice in my head, a friendly coach, who honestly critiques my work and behavior, pros and cons.  To grow and move forward, we have to find ways to be honest with ourselves and we cant blame external forces or circumstances for everything.  Can we get screwed?  Sure, that can happen.  But there's also room for personal ownership even in that.
Go through your strengths and weaknesses before setting the new years goals.  Identifying these will help you recognize issues and possible resistance within, or self sabatoge.  Or you may end up finding bigger goals inside and see how well equipped you are to take on more.  Maybe you have a business plan inside or a book, and with a some tweaks in time management (watching tv or playing with your phone), you can free up an extra hour per day to get after that plan.  And 1 hour per day... do that math (times 7, times 30, times 12.. that's a lot of free time).

My inside work right, I'm working on patience with myself.  Not just being more patient as a person, but actually towards myself.  I have habits of beating the shit out of myself if things dont go as planned or a vision falls short.  I need to be better at massaging those external forces to work with my path and to continue moving, despite set backs.

2) External Inventory & Assessment
Once you have that internal list taken care of, check out the outside, but dont lean too heavy here.  We all know getting things done is an inside job, however, seeds grow best in great, healthy soil.  When we want to plant a garden, if we want to reap the benefits of the seeds, we take care of the soil first.  We rototill, we remove weeds and and clay, we make sure our area is planned out well so there is plenty of sun shine and the plants are damaging each other.  Right?  So as we head out on our journey through life, we need to make sure we treat ourselves the exact same way.  We will not grow fully in bad soil with limited sunshine.  Will we grow?  Sure, but not as full and beautiful as we could have or should have, had we taken the steps and been brave enough to put in the work early.

Do you have friends or family members planting weeds in your mind or trying to keep you in the shade?  You know what to do.  Start treating yourself with the same advice you'd give your best friend or a child.

Exercise:  Write a letter to yourself.  Address it as "Dear _______, I've been noticing...." and just write.  What do you want to see yourself do to feel better or to live better?  Offer that advice right here and become your own best friend and life coach.

As above, so below.  As in, so is out.  As you read those two sections, you may have seen how they'll cross over into each other and maybe you already started the self talk and analyzing.  Maybe you started thinking of where things will be difficult, that's ok.  See it as a challenge for yourself.  When you know you're headed towards one of your perceived weaknesses, get excited for it and lock in, focus.  You may find the weakness wasn't really a weakness, but more of a lack of experience.  After a few rounds with this foe, you may find its really a strength.

If anything, adjust your momentum.  You really don't need to make any bold proclamations and go nuts.  Just push the energy in a direction, recognize it, commit to it and enjoy it.  Think about momentum.  Let that be a word in place of habit.  

Along those lines of momentum, inventory and assessment, self coaching, etc. be very mindful of self talk.  Know that what you say out-loud, to yourself, whether emotions or opinions, whatever it may be, it will manifest internally and become something.  Feelings are not facts.  They come and go and they're moody.  They might be real, but they might be total bullshit too.  So be careful with what you say you love or hate, who you feel what for, on and on, you know what it is.


Last week, I resigned with my old office, the Howard Hanna branch in town and I'm pretty excited about it.  Really only touching on here, not as an ad (but DEFINITELY call me asap to go touring!) but more about this self talk.
I've been an agent for a couple years now, and set my license aside for about a year, telling myself things like "it's not me," or "they wont believe this is me," and weird bs like that.  I was sticking myself in a box, all in my own head.  Apparently, being in the gym is believable, or working shipping/receiving somewhere is believable, but not being an excellent real estate agent... pretty weird.   I remember psyching myself out when I'd have to meet someone selling their home, already thinking "they're going to think I'm a dumb meat head."  Why?!?!  Look how weird that even reads.  I remember one day, I was meeting a man who was selling his home and I wanted to represent him.  I literally remember pulling in and making eye contact and thinking "He knows I'm a f'n personal trainer," and the deal never happened.
The deal never happened because my confidence was trash and my self doubt was incredibly high and for no reason at all.  I crushed my state and federal exams.  Knew the info so well, I didn't even have to read the full question before knowing the answer.  The knowledge was there, the processes were there, what was the hang up?  Belief and confidence because I had terrible self talk and sabotaged myself.
So this was something I always knew I had in  my back pocket and could go back to one, something I very much wanted to do. I truly enjoy real estate business.  It's fun, its constant, its always interesting, and most importantly, you are serving people and improving lives.
The last thought should've been my #1 all along.  Because it hit me last week... whats the difference when I walk into a gym vs a home?  Meeting a new gym member vs meeting someone who wants to buy or sell a home?
I was listening to an audio book recently and I forget the President that was referenced, but this was back in 30's or 40's, and a media member was interviewing the President and he referenced that the President came from a family of laborers. the intent of the reference was to highlight this media members idea of "He's a laborer, what could he know about being a President?" The President replied "Yes, with a great reputation for impeccable workmanship, attention to detail, punctual delivery and unquestionable work ethic."
In essence, how you do anything is how you do everything. I know of my reputation as a trainer and coach and its not because I've discovered a new range of motion in the human body, but because of how I take care of people. My customer service, my communication, my work ethic to see them (the client) meet x goal, those are the things that make a great trainer and have and will continue to guide me through a very successful real estate career.
(see that positive self talk right there?  I'm practicing!)

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