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Saturday, May 19, 2012

rock bottom...

I've had some really interesting conversations lately... not sure if I've made a conscious effort to become more engaged, more often with more people or if these conversations are finding me.

I was doing some landscaping with a friend and sharing some stories of our past.  Somehow I/we found our way to the story I shared a month ago or so... the one where I was 325lbs and couldn't fit into jeans, then joined the gym but still didn't know what I was doing, then two guys saw me and helped me out, wrote my workouts and told me what to do... then I lost about 80-100lbs, that one.  And it was just a quick story about me hitting my "rock bottom."

Then throughout the course of the afternoon, we continued to randomly stumble across different versions of different peoples "rock bottoms."   A few of his own, a couple of mine, friends of ours and so on... and it made me wonder.  Why do we need it?

Why do you think we need to fall on or face before realizing where we are?  Where we want to be?  Do we really need to be in the black before seeing the light is what we need when we knew it all along?



"It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything."  Tyler Durden. 

It's somewhat unfortunate that Fight Club probably lost some people in the confusion of the story and the violence.  But really, its a very philosophical movie.  To me, the movie is about not having an ego.  It's about not being attached to labels of any sort.  The scene where he says "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f'ing khakis," said it all. 

When we're younger, we have these ideas in our heads as to who we are or what we are. If we're lucky, someone or something comes along to help us clear out those ridiculous thoughts and we're able to begin again.  But some of us don't.  And those who don't, live their lives confused and in a constant battle with the voice in their heads.  Those voices can weigh us down and everyone in contact with us.


In the conversation with my friend, we started talking about religion.  I knew he was deep into something but didn't know what... so I asked.  He is a born again Christian and I really didn't know what that meant, so I asked... and he set his shovel aside and smiled and said "I'm glad you asked." 

Sitting here 30 some hours later, thinking about what he said... but not exactly what he said, but how he said it, smiling and full of positive energy.  As he went on explaining the process, what its done for him and how it helps him on a daily basis, I couldn't help but smile.  Smile for him and smile that even though I'm not a Christian, he could've easily been speaking for me as well.  He spoke of feeling "light," and how good things just seem to happen.  He's at peace with who he is and what he's doing in life.  I can relate.

So I was back to thinking about rock bottom... you hit the ground hard and you're laying in the crap and mud.  You're filthy, bloody, crying and maybe too exhausted to move... so you're laying face down... beaten.   You're in the black....
... but you can feel something behind you.  A presence.  And you have a choice.  
Your choice is to lay there and ignore it, or roll over, look up at the light and go for it.




This is not about religion.  Don't label it or try to find some short cut to thinking...