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Sunday, September 28, 2014

First Rule of Fight Club...

First rule of the blog, never talk about the blog.
I was logging in just to move some links around and kill some time... and I happened to notice the stats on these blogs, which is something I really try to ignore now.  But like I said, I happened to glance over at the numbers and thought "that's kinda cool."
I write, I share and this blog has been visited nearly 14,000 times.
I used to ignore the numbers because I didn't want it to effect what I choose to write about it what I say.  If I write a rather boring "how to," blog and only see 50 some readers, I'd react and stay away from those thinking no one cared to read it.
But now, I just write and ignore the numbers... for the most part.
Above all else, I hope you're enjoying the honesty.  When I'm writing, I truly treat it like a journal and often get a little nervous to share these online.  Then when I do, I think with all the crap on social media, this post will fly right by and no one will click it.
But thanks for "clicking it."  :)

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I had a list of notes in my phone that I wanted to share this week, because some new things have popped up since my last post, which was literally written as the title read, on my lunch break with my shoes off.
Lets just say, I was in a situation that tends to "poke me."  Remember that friend you had that would linger a finger in front of your face taunting "I'm not touching you?" and then you eventually grab that finger and twist it til you hear a little pop, then they start crying about "why'd you do that?!?!"  it's pretty much like that.  So at one particular moment, I had to walk off and find some quiet time.  I didn't plan it, I didn't think much of it, I just walked off into some woods and stood.
And honestly, tears came... I stood there and just kinda let them fill up the eyes and took a deep breath and just relaxed.  I tried to relax my shoulders... my back... all the crazy pains I've been feeling and when I did, tears just slowly built up and it felt really, really good.
Clean.  I remember walking away feeling like I just washed my face and hands.
Anxiety is a mofo!  Really is... stress and anxiety can really whip your butt.  See, I'm awesome at telling everyone else whats best, but pretty bad at taking my own advice.  I need constant reminders (which are loaded in my phone via alarms, notes and scheduled messages) to listen to the advice I tell others.
That afternoon, I took a chair and my salad and sat at the edge of the woods, and took my shoes off.  I felt I needed to reconnect to something... maybe the grass.  Maybe it was a placebo effect but it worked and I felt really good about my time.  I left my phone alone, no surfing any sites or social media, just chilling.  Near the end of my break, I set everything down and meditated... first time in months and I felt it.  150%.  I just sat, breathed, felt the air, and focused on relaxing every muscle, every joint, every single ache and pain... I just focused on relaxing whatever was needed to relieve the pain.
When i finished, I wrote the last blog, "shoes off lunch break."
Then a word slowly stirred through my mind and hasn't left me, SIMPLE.
Be simple.
Thinking of the stresses and anxiety, it was built up from a pretty hectic and truly stressful year.  And in the commotion and pressure, I've overworked and let some things that are/were important to me, go and I now see the need to get them back.  For example, that brief meditation session near the woods, it turned a light on an area I pushed to a dark corner.  I felt it physically in the form of aches and pains and once I paused long enough to acknowledge them, I was able to control them.
Mediation was something I was once very consistent with and found it extremely helpful.  Then all the sudden, I was toooooo busy to sit down and take care of myself in this way.  And like the old saying goes, "if you're too busy for 5 minutes, you probably need 30," or something like that. But its true.
And now I'm thinking BE SIMPLE.
I have a statement on my dry erase in the office "Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves."  I feel this is right in line.  I was so busy worrying and pressing for this particular end goal, that I've flown right through the year.  A baseball analogy?  ok... it's like I was trying to hit grand slams without getting guys on base first.  Little things, baby steps.  All my goals, I was seeing as these massive hurdles and ignored all the little things, the little steps it takes.
You cant save $12,000 in one month, you do it over a course of time.  You can't lose 40lbs in one month, you do it over the course of time.
"Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves."
Day by day, step by step...

My next thought was "momentum," and how powerful it can be and can be found everywhere.  In our relationships, the work place, our training, our education, our personal development.  We can see it in our friends, in our children or parents... we see momentum.
I see it in a more spiritual way than just saying "habit..." I think it's different.  Similar but different.
Even as i write that, I thought ahead to my day tomorrow and how important it is for me to wake up earlier than usual, to start getting my body moving earlier.  I have much better days when I'm not rushed to leave the house and more moments tend to come together for me.  When I'm prepared, well rested and so on, my mind is in line, my body feels good and thats how I start to build momentum for that particular day.
Not to turn a corner, but as I thought of wrapping up, I wanted to add one more point.... bad momentum.  Understand that its due to negative self talk.  (Again, read above... I'm bad at listening ot myself, but working on it.)
Negative self talk can sabotage everything you're doing, and all of your dreams.  I know you probably cant just turn it off, so many people think you can.  Like depression, you really cant just snap a finger and bounce back.  But just acknowledge it.  When you say something negative to yourself, about yourself, about your job, about your life, just pause and notice it... notice where it came from... notice if theres really any valuable truth to it or are you just repeating something someone said 20 years ago... as they passed their shitty momentum onto you... think about that... how you see things... is it really you, or the glasses someone handed you?  Are you seeing things, yourself, your life, your choices, through your eyes or someone else's?