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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Where I Am

(just a heads up, this is definitely not a fitness entry and its going to be scattered and religious)


I recently saw two movies that left me... humbled... wondering... asking questions, more questions... wanting to learn and wanting to step back to watch, to witness.
American Sniper - From a movie review stance (and I wont give anything away for those who haven't seen it), it's perfect.  Like Heath Ledger's Joker, you really don't see Bradley Cooper, you see Chris Kyle and all the elements that we as viewers are here to see.  Again, I wont dive too far in because I dont want to ruin the movie.  But Bradley Cooper is amazing, Clint Eastwood is the greatest film director and the story is absolutely incredible.
For me, I wasn't in awe of his stats (although he was an incredibly gifted marksman, if that's an appropriate term)... I ended the movie feeling how I've felt a lot in the past year or so, but more intense...
To be honest, I kind of felt sloppy.
The word "standards," have been ringing around my head... Manners... decency... respect... discipline... doing the right thing... saying the right thing at the right time, being truthful... having higher standards.. being simple and true.
Simplicity is under-rated.
Discipline has become a negative word.
I don't know... I'm writing, but I still cant wrap my head around how the movie left me, other than wanting to be better.  Wanting to be a better version of who I am.
When I wrote "thoughts from a roadside rest stop," a few months ago, I remember feeling similar but not this intense.... as I get older, I see more and more people leaving this world that we should have and could have learned more from and it makes me uncomfortable.  Time.

The other movie... The Passion of the Christ.
I know its older, but I never saw it and always wanted to.  Again, another movie that has left me, as I wrote above, wondering and asking questions.


I took a comparative religion class many years ago at Lakeland.  At the time, I thought it was the most impressive class I ever signed up for and I think I got an A or a B, I enjoyed the class.  At the time, I enjoyed how the teacher pretty much called "Bullshit," on every religion possible.  Now, I see that he was simply placing his own slanted view on us and I bought it.  He was saying things that I wanted to hear, back then.  Classes would go on and he'd point out parallel stories between the books and religions and paint them as fairy tales.

Now I see that yes, there are similarities and parallels but for different reason.
I know over the years, I've said and written a lot of "hippy stuff," that was influenced by my Buddhist readings and beliefs and would smirk at those who would try to throw their Jesus at me. But now, with what I've recently read, I'm taken back to that class at Lakeland, and I'm seeing the similarities from a new perspective  That Jesus and Buddha were different people, but both were very real with a very similar message(s), coming from a very similar state of mind and approach, one of enlightenment.
Their goals were the same.
I don't see how we can accept one and not the other as our reality.
Is prayer not the same as meditation?
Is the "power of attraction,' not the same as prayer?

I've never taken credit for anything positive I've ever said or did, I've written that a bit over the last year and now I see why.  Even now when teaching yoga, I've admitted all the time when the conversation comes up about something I said or something we did, I'll say "I don't know where it came from," or that "I lucked into it."  Now I see why.
So many times in speaking with young kids, trying to deliver a message of motivation and wake them up to something great, I never knew what I was going to say in advance and I could never really remember it after, now I see why.
When your eyes are closed, all you can see is darkness.

I've learned through meditation and books and podcasts and apps that a goal is to quiet the chatter in your head so you can hear your inner voice... right?
Reminds me of a short story I heard a little while back, I think it was from an Aubrey Marcus podcast -
Our God was to available to too many, too easy to find and man began to take advantage and request too much.  So God said "I'll hide in the mountains, they'll have to work to find me here," and very quickly, very easily, God was found.  He then said "I'll hide in the oceans, man can't find me there."  But again, man found a way and God was found.  God thought about it and said "I know, I'll hide in the clouds," but again, he was found.  Finally, God said "I know the one place they'll never think to look... they'll search the land and sea, they'll create technology to search for me while they sleep, they'll form armies to search every village and every country and they'll never think of it... I'll hide in their hearts."
So my wonder was just that... Is prayer, is meditation a way to quiet all of the distractions around us, to hear the God that lives inside of us?