Monday, September 14, 2015

You're on the clock

(I'll attempt to keep details vague to hide some things).


I was in a public place and someone I knew was there, just one.  We know each other enough, but not enough where we care to do anything more than a nod or smile.
So at some point I had to ask a quick question, physically, words weren't even needed, and person x looked... Kinda sneered and brushed it off like "ya ya get out of my face."

Personally, I didn't give a shit.  They are who they are.  But it did hit me what they do for a living.  I thought "if I needed my hair done, i would never go to x or recommend just because they're an asshole."
I used to give a similar talk to trainers in class, I'd say - You are your business card and you're always on the clock.
You never know who is watching, who is paying attention, why they're paying attention, who they know, how it could affect you one day, etc.

THEN it hit me from another angle... How much it must suck to have to put on an act.  To be a dick in real life, but have to fake it.  To be an actual asshole, a bad, rude, douche and have to smile at people and it be disingenuous (did I use that big word correctly?)
  I used to work for a guy like that.  He'd smile to your face, compliment you and give you a pat on the back, but demean you in private.   

So pretend we're on the clock... Are you free to be you?
Are you good enough to be yourself?  The real you? Brave enough?

The rude, the assholes, bullies, dickheads, whatever else... They're just damaged humans who wear their big tough mask to intimidate.   I don't dislike them, I have sympathy for them and their weakness.

I like people who aren't afraid to show their scars and tattoos.  People who aren't ashamed of their travels, but proud of their survival.  They know how to smile at the pain and accept days as lessons on the journey, open to all its experiences, whether labeled "good," or "bad," in their head.
But their is no good and bad, just lessons.  And some lessons suck and we may wish we didn't learn them or that they were able to be learned w less pain.
But I train smarter because of my injuries.
I appreciate more because of my failures.
I love you all more because I know lonliness.... (And you know my clock is legit, wherever you see me.)
People who need their hair just so, never swear, overly concerned w they're perfect limit image...? We all see right through you.
When you know pain, when you know your edge, not the bullshit "edge," of a freakin yoga mat, your life edge, you've seen another side of it all and your appreciation for literally everything is magnified.  

I was in a theatre, 12-13 years ago, watching a movie alone.  Fight Club.  
Put away candy crush for 4 minutes, watch this, then come back:

Wouldn't you rather absorb life and the interpretation of?
Be flawed but be nice. 
Have an experience.
Do something uncomfortable.
If you're not weird, I don't trust you.  I know you'll break when needed.  The weird have very few fears and they're willing to let it fly.
When's the last time you went for a run in the woods and got lost? On purpose.
What's your last rock concert?
When's the last time you cried? Out of happiness or sadness, both.
What's the last thing that excited you?  That made your heart race, made you nervous?
What are you going to leave behind? 
Regret or experiences?  A story or nothing at all?  
Did you help or did you hurt?  
Did you take or give?  

You are on the clock, like it or not.
Are you going to sit their watching the minutes/hours then days and weekends "oh shit, I'm 34 already!" then 40-45-50... "What do I do?  It's almost over and I haven't done anything!"

Get in the game.

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