Monday, April 11, 2016

Just write...

Just write.  When you're not feeling it, just write. 

Had a friend text, said they were/are interested in the boot but didn't want to be a "beginner," again or now, or in general.  
And on Saturday, someone at yoga said "I'll be a beginner again."

That ... I don't know what to call it... That ego part of me that makes me want to call it "the dickhead Buddhist shit," who always has that dumbass line of response they read in some uppity self help book along the way.   It would go "you're not new at this, are you?" And  The Dickhead Buddhist Shit says "oh, we're all new at this, every day we're new again... Ohm," and then id want to punch myself in the face. 

But it's true.  
I'll be at a concert next Sunday night, and it'll be a totally new thing for me. 
I'll go to work tomorrow and as much routine is there, there's 5x more unpredictability and it'll be new.
And we'll have a conversation that makes us see something differently... And it changes you and now you're a new version of yourself, so everything's new. 
Or you get some news, that he or she isn't here anymore and you're whole fucking world just changed and rocked you... And now you're another new version, your chemistry is now different, and everything's new. 
You're a beginner again.  
You think you know, you think your ground is stable, but it isn't at all. 
It's all fragile, it all breaks, nothing and no one is built to last forever.  
And when that's accepted, the absolute root of Buddhism, pain is inevitable, is accepted, everything is new.  Everyone is a beginner and none of us are pros. 
So fall down.  Breathe hard.  Fail.  Hurt. And laugh because it'll happen again and again.  I remember I went stand up boarding (whatever you call it) and I loved sucking at it.  I tried to get it and focused and all that and I laughed every time I fell. 

  You have to smile at the pain and failures.   You have to see it all w fresh eyes and enjoy it all like its new, unique and "once in a lifetime," because it very well could be.  

Ironically, i do not recommend Buddhism.  It'll ruin how you enjoy things. 

This Is Blue Chip