or too strong?
(short thought)
Two weeks ago Junior Seau shot himself in the chest and died. And two different articles in Sports Illustrated really connected for me for two different reasons.
One article was questioning how athletes are covered and that maybe they (the media) should stop putting these people on pedestals. That maybe, the media created the problem. Maybe some sports writers have assisted in creating our "heros," and that these guys arent actually that... maybe theyre normal people. Could be.
We've seen how guys struggle into retirement and often dont know what to do when the crowds are gone and the lights are off. How many times did MJ retire? How many guys have we seen hang on too long or come back multiple times? Even coaches do it.
The other article covered his life and career, from college to retirement and then the end. In it, the author gave many examples and how Junior would refuse to admit or even hint that he was ever hurt on the playing field and would do whatever he could to be ready for Sunday. He would hide his treatment from teammates and friends. The author then questioned "Did Junior carry this habit into retirement?"
And it bothered me...
someone who felt so much pressure of people watching him, people trusting that he's always their "superman," couldnt show weakness... couldnt ask for help. It was engrained in his head and heart... and he broke.
"I get paid to practice... I play for the games for free." Junior Seau
Monday, May 21, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
rock bottom...
I've had some really interesting conversations lately... not sure if I've made a conscious effort to become more engaged, more often with more people or if these conversations are finding me.
I was doing some landscaping with a friend and sharing some stories of our past. Somehow I/we found our way to the story I shared a month ago or so... the one where I was 325lbs and couldn't fit into jeans, then joined the gym but still didn't know what I was doing, then two guys saw me and helped me out, wrote my workouts and told me what to do... then I lost about 80-100lbs, that one. And it was just a quick story about me hitting my "rock bottom."
Then throughout the course of the afternoon, we continued to randomly stumble across different versions of different peoples "rock bottoms." A few of his own, a couple of mine, friends of ours and so on... and it made me wonder. Why do we need it?
Why do you think we need to fall on or face before realizing where we are? Where we want to be? Do we really need to be in the black before seeing the light is what we need when we knew it all along?
"It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden.
It's somewhat unfortunate that Fight Club probably lost some people in the confusion of the story and the violence. But really, its a very philosophical movie. To me, the movie is about not having an ego. It's about not being attached to labels of any sort. The scene where he says "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f'ing khakis," said it all.
When we're younger, we have these ideas in our heads as to who we are or what we are. If we're lucky, someone or something comes along to help us clear out those ridiculous thoughts and we're able to begin again. But some of us don't. And those who don't, live their lives confused and in a constant battle with the voice in their heads. Those voices can weigh us down and everyone in contact with us.
In the conversation with my friend, we started talking about religion. I knew he was deep into something but didn't know what... so I asked. He is a born again Christian and I really didn't know what that meant, so I asked... and he set his shovel aside and smiled and said "I'm glad you asked."
Sitting here 30 some hours later, thinking about what he said... but not exactly what he said, but how he said it, smiling and full of positive energy. As he went on explaining the process, what its done for him and how it helps him on a daily basis, I couldn't help but smile. Smile for him and smile that even though I'm not a Christian, he could've easily been speaking for me as well. He spoke of feeling "light," and how good things just seem to happen. He's at peace with who he is and what he's doing in life. I can relate.
So I was back to thinking about rock bottom... you hit the ground hard and you're laying in the crap and mud. You're filthy, bloody, crying and maybe too exhausted to move... so you're laying face down... beaten. You're in the black....
... but you can feel something behind you. A presence. And you have a choice.
Your choice is to lay there and ignore it, or roll over, look up at the light and go for it.
This is not about religion. Don't label it or try to find some short cut to thinking...
I was doing some landscaping with a friend and sharing some stories of our past. Somehow I/we found our way to the story I shared a month ago or so... the one where I was 325lbs and couldn't fit into jeans, then joined the gym but still didn't know what I was doing, then two guys saw me and helped me out, wrote my workouts and told me what to do... then I lost about 80-100lbs, that one. And it was just a quick story about me hitting my "rock bottom."
Then throughout the course of the afternoon, we continued to randomly stumble across different versions of different peoples "rock bottoms." A few of his own, a couple of mine, friends of ours and so on... and it made me wonder. Why do we need it?
Why do you think we need to fall on or face before realizing where we are? Where we want to be? Do we really need to be in the black before seeing the light is what we need when we knew it all along?
"It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden.
It's somewhat unfortunate that Fight Club probably lost some people in the confusion of the story and the violence. But really, its a very philosophical movie. To me, the movie is about not having an ego. It's about not being attached to labels of any sort. The scene where he says "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f'ing khakis," said it all.
When we're younger, we have these ideas in our heads as to who we are or what we are. If we're lucky, someone or something comes along to help us clear out those ridiculous thoughts and we're able to begin again. But some of us don't. And those who don't, live their lives confused and in a constant battle with the voice in their heads. Those voices can weigh us down and everyone in contact with us.
In the conversation with my friend, we started talking about religion. I knew he was deep into something but didn't know what... so I asked. He is a born again Christian and I really didn't know what that meant, so I asked... and he set his shovel aside and smiled and said "I'm glad you asked."
Sitting here 30 some hours later, thinking about what he said... but not exactly what he said, but how he said it, smiling and full of positive energy. As he went on explaining the process, what its done for him and how it helps him on a daily basis, I couldn't help but smile. Smile for him and smile that even though I'm not a Christian, he could've easily been speaking for me as well. He spoke of feeling "light," and how good things just seem to happen. He's at peace with who he is and what he's doing in life. I can relate.
So I was back to thinking about rock bottom... you hit the ground hard and you're laying in the crap and mud. You're filthy, bloody, crying and maybe too exhausted to move... so you're laying face down... beaten. You're in the black....
... but you can feel something behind you. A presence. And you have a choice.
Your choice is to lay there and ignore it, or roll over, look up at the light and go for it.
This is not about religion. Don't label it or try to find some short cut to thinking...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Take a break...
"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can
buy shit we don't need." Tyler Durden
Ironic... the week I remove the blog for being "too personal," is the week I find the need to write something really personal. Often, and I've hinted or maybe flat out wrote it, that these are directed back at me at times. So when reading this, dont take it personally... I'm also talking to myself.
That quote at the top popped in my head today and maybe I shouldnt admit that they often do. Fight Club quotes? Kinda weird, no? But it fits.
We're very busy people these days. We're working overtime or 2 or 3 jobs. Stay at home moms are nearly extinct. Prices are going up yet our wages are staying nearly the same. I was talking to a man who has been driving a semi for nearly 30 years. His son is graduating high school in a few weeks and then off to college. We somehow got to talking about school funding and how horrible he felt voting his down. "I make the same amount of money now as a I did in 2002... but everything around me is more expensive." So he needs a second job.
There are people I dont see in the gym as often as they'd like to be there. I ask "where are you?" and they're busy... and they are. I know its not an excuse. I know they're not blowing me off, it really has zero to do with me or the workout... they're just flat out busy. School, work, the 2nd job, then errands and managing life, kids, dinners, little leagues... then we get a free second....
...and thats where my mind is. What are we doing with the free moments? When the day is finally coming to a resting point... what are you doing?
It's 11:43 pm right now... My resting point began about 90 minutes ago where I wasted some time watching a sitcom and Greys Anatomy (and what a waste that was! Terrible season finale!). I'm not overly thrilled about wasting my time in front of the television right now... I never really have but its kind of been automatic, and I'm working on changing that.
I went on a vacation a couple weeks ago and had some excellent time to read and write. I remember sitting there thinking something along the lines of how amazingly ironic that I had to fly to another country to find time, to force myself to find time, to sit down with my thoughts... and do nothing but stare into space... and thats exactly what I did.
I sat. I read some. I wrote some notes and observations... random thoughts. It helps clear my head and put everything in line.
Then I got home and thought "That habit isnt lost in Mexico... I need it here." I need to find time to stop and breathe. We all need that time. We all need to find a way to sit down and do absolutely nothing.
No television. No computer. No cell phones. Sit and breathe and that is all. Does that sound crazy? What if you showed up to an appointment with me... and instead of heading to the treadmill, we sat in a quiet room... and did nothing but breathe? For 30 minutes, you will sit there and breathe as slow and as deep as you can... would you be mad at me? :)
What if that was the best part of your day? 30 minutes of turning the world "off." What if you did that everyday? What if I told you, you'd start to feel less stressed and that you'd start to see things differently?
I get it... but I dont get it. The car that you thought you needed to make you happy, is the reason you need to work 2 jobs... still happy?
I talk to so many people everyday... all week and everyone is stressed. Right now as I write this, I'm thinking of someone who works too many hours... someone who is in school and working two jobs.... someone who is so stressed they cant get their thoughts straight... someone who sits up til midnight working on a website, emailing, facebooking, and writing crazy blogs that only his parents read :) hi mom.
Take a break... the weather is going to be beautiful this weekend... go to a park... go sit down and be alone for 30 minutes.... and do nothing but breathe.
Trust me. You wont regret it.
Ironic... the week I remove the blog for being "too personal," is the week I find the need to write something really personal. Often, and I've hinted or maybe flat out wrote it, that these are directed back at me at times. So when reading this, dont take it personally... I'm also talking to myself.
That quote at the top popped in my head today and maybe I shouldnt admit that they often do. Fight Club quotes? Kinda weird, no? But it fits.
We're very busy people these days. We're working overtime or 2 or 3 jobs. Stay at home moms are nearly extinct. Prices are going up yet our wages are staying nearly the same. I was talking to a man who has been driving a semi for nearly 30 years. His son is graduating high school in a few weeks and then off to college. We somehow got to talking about school funding and how horrible he felt voting his down. "I make the same amount of money now as a I did in 2002... but everything around me is more expensive." So he needs a second job.
There are people I dont see in the gym as often as they'd like to be there. I ask "where are you?" and they're busy... and they are. I know its not an excuse. I know they're not blowing me off, it really has zero to do with me or the workout... they're just flat out busy. School, work, the 2nd job, then errands and managing life, kids, dinners, little leagues... then we get a free second....
...and thats where my mind is. What are we doing with the free moments? When the day is finally coming to a resting point... what are you doing?
It's 11:43 pm right now... My resting point began about 90 minutes ago where I wasted some time watching a sitcom and Greys Anatomy (and what a waste that was! Terrible season finale!). I'm not overly thrilled about wasting my time in front of the television right now... I never really have but its kind of been automatic, and I'm working on changing that.
I went on a vacation a couple weeks ago and had some excellent time to read and write. I remember sitting there thinking something along the lines of how amazingly ironic that I had to fly to another country to find time, to force myself to find time, to sit down with my thoughts... and do nothing but stare into space... and thats exactly what I did.
I sat. I read some. I wrote some notes and observations... random thoughts. It helps clear my head and put everything in line.
Then I got home and thought "That habit isnt lost in Mexico... I need it here." I need to find time to stop and breathe. We all need that time. We all need to find a way to sit down and do absolutely nothing.
No television. No computer. No cell phones. Sit and breathe and that is all. Does that sound crazy? What if you showed up to an appointment with me... and instead of heading to the treadmill, we sat in a quiet room... and did nothing but breathe? For 30 minutes, you will sit there and breathe as slow and as deep as you can... would you be mad at me? :)
What if that was the best part of your day? 30 minutes of turning the world "off." What if you did that everyday? What if I told you, you'd start to feel less stressed and that you'd start to see things differently?
I get it... but I dont get it. The car that you thought you needed to make you happy, is the reason you need to work 2 jobs... still happy?
I talk to so many people everyday... all week and everyone is stressed. Right now as I write this, I'm thinking of someone who works too many hours... someone who is in school and working two jobs.... someone who is so stressed they cant get their thoughts straight... someone who sits up til midnight working on a website, emailing, facebooking, and writing crazy blogs that only his parents read :) hi mom.
Take a break... the weather is going to be beautiful this weekend... go to a park... go sit down and be alone for 30 minutes.... and do nothing but breathe.
Trust me. You wont regret it.
Monday, May 14, 2012
met a guy...
and we started talking about some random things... somehow we got into talking about animals and local wildlife.
He said something along the lines of "I cant wait til we can hunt in larger areas." I asked why.
He responded "So we can kill more deer." Again, I asked why.
He said "Because they really destroy alot of the area." So I asked how...
"By eating all the leaves, they can reach."
Huh?
Good thing someone isnt watching us with the same line of thinking...
"Well, time to hunt them... they're pretty much destroying everything they can get their hands on."
He said something along the lines of "I cant wait til we can hunt in larger areas." I asked why.
He responded "So we can kill more deer." Again, I asked why.
He said "Because they really destroy alot of the area." So I asked how...
"By eating all the leaves, they can reach."
Huh?
Good thing someone isnt watching us with the same line of thinking...
"Well, time to hunt them... they're pretty much destroying everything they can get their hands on."
Sunday, May 13, 2012
@ home behind the sun...
I recently decided to remove the blog from the Blue Chip website and also remove Blue Chip from the title here as well. I think I was feeling too much pressure (from myself) to keep it fitness related... and that was beginning to bore me a little.
Do I still want to write about what goes on in the gym and yoga room? Do I still want to write about the amazing people I meet everyday? Definitely.
But I went away a couple weeks and had some time to read and think... actually alot of reading and alot of thinking. I would wake up and go for a run and try to spend as much time as possible just sitting with my own thoughts and reading. Something I've had very little time to do lately and I could feel it. I started writing very randomly and it felt great. Felt great that no one was even looking at me wondering "why that weirdo is carrying around that note pad, randomly scribbling." On the Blue site, it felt like someone was reading over my shoulder sometimes and I felt Iahd to keep it real clean and safe... and I dont want to write like that anymore. Its not very fun. :)
What I wrote...
I think I'm going to rename the blog... actually rename the old name. @ home behind the sun.
I actually rolled my eyes at the sun today...
"Oh you again? Alright then, lets get on with it."
I dont need a 24/7 life-attack-dog. But I do need people who know when to attack life... "people," who know when to rip off your clothes and jump on in because the water is perfect and this could be it. not irresponsibly, but knowing when... not pumping the breaks with fear of ruining your hair or concerned with a shower.
Went for a run... and a waiter from a resort started running alongside me... said "where are we going?" I motioned down to a building down the beach. He laughed and said "see you tomorrow," and it made me think... we all need to give more. WE make life worth living. WE need to give more of ourselves to each other.
The irony in vacations is that we actually have the effort to make time to do the things we should be making time to do anyway. This week I worked out, ran, had a nice time going through some yoga, meditated, read two books and started writing. Other than time with my daughters, these things should be top on my "to-do," list every week.
Instead... most of us are plagued with pressure and work and other bullshit time fillers like television, or iphones, or the internet... not to go all hippy and tell you turn them off but... damn they soak up our time and drain our brains.
In most of our minds, we need busy schedules and busy lives to keep us far away from whats really important... ourselves. We're hiding.
We take prescirption drugs, drink alcohol and other drugs to fade our thoughts... in an attempt to ease the stress or the pains. When we really the exact opposite.Think of how we got over our fears... we go through them... we experience them. When you were a kid and the closet or shadow or under the bed were some of the scariest thoughts imaginable... we turned on the light, and the fear was gone. Think of our physical strength... the only way to get stronger is to expose the weakness.... then they dissolve. So we dont need prescriptions or vodkas or drugs to fix our minds or hearts. We need to turn the light on and open the door, to our weaknesses... and allow ourselves to become what we truly are.
We are not our surroundings but we allow oursleves to immitate.
I need to build a cooler Facebook page for the people I work with...
MySpace offered a cooler set up...
3 guys w/ everything in common... prefrat boy, frat boy, post frat boy.
Seeing alot of really nice tattoos here... but double in cheesy/wish i was cool or 22 again style tattoos. those = One very boring tattoo on the upper arm so you can hide from friends and co-workers. Thats for guys only. Women can have any tattoo and its probably amazing.
Went for a workout...
Got bored so I ran...
Got bored so I stripped and swam...
"Let the oceans... dissolve way my mask."
Have you stopped asking yourself... "who am I?" "Why am I here?"
And on Wednesday... the Americans arrived! There goes vacation. Things very quickly went from a week of peace and quiet and relaxation to a very annoying frat party. And not a good frat either. This is a very lame frat where 100% has some obnoxious nickname and its cool to scream for Kenny Chesney to the foreign DJ who clearly isnt taking requests. What was once a pool view of couples lounging, drinking mojitos and margaritas is now a landscape of crooked baseball hats and bud light beer. Ironically, Im glad they came... it strongly reinforces my desire to vacation away from a resort. This group defintely would not dare to get a hotel anywhere there could be danger in rudely reqesting "save a horse, ride a cowboy." Theyre here because its safe... and all the sudden I dont like my hotel anymore. Ive been in sun for some time now and have had quite a few Pina Colados... I could be a few coronas away from really "american-izing," this situation and slapping the texan that wont stop screaming "Hey Amigo! Play american country!" in the face with a pool side lounge chair.
I seriously considered asking hotel mgmt to let me run a 7am Boot on the Beach! But after witnessing several of the fitness classes offered... I think I'd probably kill someone. Be proud NE Ohio! Imagine the "Matrix Workout," in 80 degree Mexican heat.. Not many would enjoy that here and Ive been told the Mexican justice system isnt very fast... I might miss my plane.
Ive seen 200 people at the MetroParks this year... 2 hellos
Here.... 100% hellos and all smiles.
4 and 6 packs are great... but if it sticks out past your chest... we'll have to discuss this.
If your eon vacation wiring random observations in a notebook... you might have a serious mental problem....
We've never had more ways to communicate at our fingers... yet we feel more alone than ever.
The blog needs to come off Blue Chip
Blue Chip needs to do more... offer more... give more... get more people involved... give it away.
We are what we consume... food, drink, watch, read, internet, music, conversations, relationships...
... is the path "right," enough to dissolve the "wrong?"
"home," needs to become ALIVE again.
Happiness is not a $500,000 home...
...not a fancy car
...not an extravagant vacation
...you cant buy it
religion is inside us.
you god is inside you.
wake up. be mindful. be happy.
Time to start blowing some extra cash on live music...
Time to find some extra cash.
I'm in deep shit when Vedder, Stipe, Harper and Bono pass on one day...
(found a page that was apparently my coaster for some time... cant read it all. Something about Ben Harper not being human)
Considering the number of people at this resort... I know exactly who is from Texas and Jersey... because theyre completely obnoxious and yell where theyre from. no clue why theyre proud.
"to the universe, i dont mean a thing."
35 is suddenly feeling experienced... rahter than late or old. Ironically, I could say 35 is the half way point as easy as I sid it at 20... yet even though my new outlook has relieved some stress and anxiety, I still say 40 or bust. 40 is too old to gamble.
i had a dream last night about a fitness center that writes a presciption for what you need....
I remember seeing the gym.... I climbed over a wall where people were doing pilates and started talking to someone in charge... he knew who i was but i didnt know him. he was checking people in. i asked where they were headed... he said "1-4 are headed to yoga, want to get them started?" and he handed me their daily schedule.
made me think of blue chip... and where it currently is... maybe not that different.maybe that dream could be closer than i thought.
The life that leaves me very little room or time to breathe... is the life i need to survive. what i do, is exactly what i want to be doing. create & serve... its that simple. so many great things on the horizon... so many great people around me... i wonder if they can tell...
follow the music.
Nice try Amigo! Frontier Arilines doesnt have first class!!! wish I wouldve known that when the 20 year old at the check in desk tried selling me an "upgrade," for $20.... cash only. hahaha I can smell home already!
Went out for one last run... hit SHUFFLE... Big Sun by Eddie Vedder... toooo perfect.
breathe deep and smile
Do I still want to write about what goes on in the gym and yoga room? Do I still want to write about the amazing people I meet everyday? Definitely.
But I went away a couple weeks and had some time to read and think... actually alot of reading and alot of thinking. I would wake up and go for a run and try to spend as much time as possible just sitting with my own thoughts and reading. Something I've had very little time to do lately and I could feel it. I started writing very randomly and it felt great. Felt great that no one was even looking at me wondering "why that weirdo is carrying around that note pad, randomly scribbling." On the Blue site, it felt like someone was reading over my shoulder sometimes and I felt Iahd to keep it real clean and safe... and I dont want to write like that anymore. Its not very fun. :)
What I wrote...
I think I'm going to rename the blog... actually rename the old name. @ home behind the sun.
I actually rolled my eyes at the sun today...
"Oh you again? Alright then, lets get on with it."
I dont need a 24/7 life-attack-dog. But I do need people who know when to attack life... "people," who know when to rip off your clothes and jump on in because the water is perfect and this could be it. not irresponsibly, but knowing when... not pumping the breaks with fear of ruining your hair or concerned with a shower.
Went for a run... and a waiter from a resort started running alongside me... said "where are we going?" I motioned down to a building down the beach. He laughed and said "see you tomorrow," and it made me think... we all need to give more. WE make life worth living. WE need to give more of ourselves to each other.
The irony in vacations is that we actually have the effort to make time to do the things we should be making time to do anyway. This week I worked out, ran, had a nice time going through some yoga, meditated, read two books and started writing. Other than time with my daughters, these things should be top on my "to-do," list every week.
Instead... most of us are plagued with pressure and work and other bullshit time fillers like television, or iphones, or the internet... not to go all hippy and tell you turn them off but... damn they soak up our time and drain our brains.
In most of our minds, we need busy schedules and busy lives to keep us far away from whats really important... ourselves. We're hiding.
We take prescirption drugs, drink alcohol and other drugs to fade our thoughts... in an attempt to ease the stress or the pains. When we really the exact opposite.Think of how we got over our fears... we go through them... we experience them. When you were a kid and the closet or shadow or under the bed were some of the scariest thoughts imaginable... we turned on the light, and the fear was gone. Think of our physical strength... the only way to get stronger is to expose the weakness.... then they dissolve. So we dont need prescriptions or vodkas or drugs to fix our minds or hearts. We need to turn the light on and open the door, to our weaknesses... and allow ourselves to become what we truly are.
We are not our surroundings but we allow oursleves to immitate.
I need to build a cooler Facebook page for the people I work with...
MySpace offered a cooler set up...
3 guys w/ everything in common... prefrat boy, frat boy, post frat boy.
Seeing alot of really nice tattoos here... but double in cheesy/wish i was cool or 22 again style tattoos. those = One very boring tattoo on the upper arm so you can hide from friends and co-workers. Thats for guys only. Women can have any tattoo and its probably amazing.
Went for a workout...
Got bored so I ran...
Got bored so I stripped and swam...
"Let the oceans... dissolve way my mask."
Have you stopped asking yourself... "who am I?" "Why am I here?"
And on Wednesday... the Americans arrived! There goes vacation. Things very quickly went from a week of peace and quiet and relaxation to a very annoying frat party. And not a good frat either. This is a very lame frat where 100% has some obnoxious nickname and its cool to scream for Kenny Chesney to the foreign DJ who clearly isnt taking requests. What was once a pool view of couples lounging, drinking mojitos and margaritas is now a landscape of crooked baseball hats and bud light beer. Ironically, Im glad they came... it strongly reinforces my desire to vacation away from a resort. This group defintely would not dare to get a hotel anywhere there could be danger in rudely reqesting "save a horse, ride a cowboy." Theyre here because its safe... and all the sudden I dont like my hotel anymore. Ive been in sun for some time now and have had quite a few Pina Colados... I could be a few coronas away from really "american-izing," this situation and slapping the texan that wont stop screaming "Hey Amigo! Play american country!" in the face with a pool side lounge chair.
I seriously considered asking hotel mgmt to let me run a 7am Boot on the Beach! But after witnessing several of the fitness classes offered... I think I'd probably kill someone. Be proud NE Ohio! Imagine the "Matrix Workout," in 80 degree Mexican heat.. Not many would enjoy that here and Ive been told the Mexican justice system isnt very fast... I might miss my plane.
Ive seen 200 people at the MetroParks this year... 2 hellos
Here.... 100% hellos and all smiles.
4 and 6 packs are great... but if it sticks out past your chest... we'll have to discuss this.
If your eon vacation wiring random observations in a notebook... you might have a serious mental problem....
We've never had more ways to communicate at our fingers... yet we feel more alone than ever.
The blog needs to come off Blue Chip
Blue Chip needs to do more... offer more... give more... get more people involved... give it away.
We are what we consume... food, drink, watch, read, internet, music, conversations, relationships...
... is the path "right," enough to dissolve the "wrong?"
"home," needs to become ALIVE again.
Happiness is not a $500,000 home...
...not a fancy car
...not an extravagant vacation
...you cant buy it
religion is inside us.
you god is inside you.
wake up. be mindful. be happy.
Time to start blowing some extra cash on live music...
Time to find some extra cash.
I'm in deep shit when Vedder, Stipe, Harper and Bono pass on one day...
(found a page that was apparently my coaster for some time... cant read it all. Something about Ben Harper not being human)
Considering the number of people at this resort... I know exactly who is from Texas and Jersey... because theyre completely obnoxious and yell where theyre from. no clue why theyre proud.
"to the universe, i dont mean a thing."
35 is suddenly feeling experienced... rahter than late or old. Ironically, I could say 35 is the half way point as easy as I sid it at 20... yet even though my new outlook has relieved some stress and anxiety, I still say 40 or bust. 40 is too old to gamble.
i had a dream last night about a fitness center that writes a presciption for what you need....
I remember seeing the gym.... I climbed over a wall where people were doing pilates and started talking to someone in charge... he knew who i was but i didnt know him. he was checking people in. i asked where they were headed... he said "1-4 are headed to yoga, want to get them started?" and he handed me their daily schedule.
made me think of blue chip... and where it currently is... maybe not that different.maybe that dream could be closer than i thought.
The life that leaves me very little room or time to breathe... is the life i need to survive. what i do, is exactly what i want to be doing. create & serve... its that simple. so many great things on the horizon... so many great people around me... i wonder if they can tell...
follow the music.
Nice try Amigo! Frontier Arilines doesnt have first class!!! wish I wouldve known that when the 20 year old at the check in desk tried selling me an "upgrade," for $20.... cash only. hahaha I can smell home already!
Went out for one last run... hit SHUFFLE... Big Sun by Eddie Vedder... toooo perfect.
breathe deep and smile
Monday, March 12, 2012
This past week...
someone e-mailed me and asked "Have you ever, personally, gone through great amounts (more than 25#) of weight loss? Or strength training to gain muscle/weight?" The firt part of my response was something along the lines of "wow, no one has ever asked me that!" Ever. And I have no idea how or why thats never happened because as I thought more about this past week, it's probably one of the most important questions someone could ask.
I think the question and answer help develop a communication line. In coaching, it's always been important to me that the players know and understand the thought process behind everything. I also feel it's important that they trust the "coach," could play. That he knows how to compete and has an intensity. On the flip side, when talking to high school kids about larger issues that surround them in the classroom, at home or with friends, I think it helps having an element of "yeah, I've also been there." I never knew if my coach was all-state or played big college ball, but I could see it in his eyes, he knew what it took to make us great. So again, in the questions asked above, I feel that the answer is a definition that says "Yes, I've been on the same path you're on and actually still working that path."
I might have been 22 or 23 years old and somehow gained a considerable amount of weight after high school. I think it was partially due to alcohol, maybe some depression and general lack of activity. I remember going to find a pair of jeans at the mall and literally couldnt find a decent pair. I had an event to attend and needed something new to wear and because I couldnt find clothes to fit, I didnt go to the event and missed out on an opportunity. I weighed around 315 lbs.
I very clearly remember the following weeks. I remember being very angry with myself and i'm not even sure if 315 sunk in. At the time, my issue was being too big for the clothes I wanted. So I decided to join Ballys.
I had some workout experience from high school but not much. Ironically, I was never really into the weight room. No clue why. I think I was lazy and complacent. I was one of the those dumb kids I now bitch at... kind of a big fish in a small pond. I knew I'd start on Friday nights without the weight room so I didnt care... which was a very large mistake. So I pulled some generic workouts out of a magazine and started my training. Monday was chest, Tuesday legs, blha blah blah boring workout. I remember my cardio was very, very lame. I thought I could hop on an elliptical for 20 minutes and think I was burning "x" amount of calories and be great. I would swim maybe twice per week as well.
One day two guys came up to me who were in very good shape, turns out they were Marines. One asked what I was trying to do and and I told him "lose 80lbs." He asked to see my workout routine and I handed him my notebook. He said "I'll give this back to you tomorrow. Til then, run. Just run. Dont try to be cute and mix in all these toys, go buy new shoes and just run." The next day, I came in and he handed me my notebook back with 7 new routines. He told me rotate through and run every day. They took me through the workout a couple times to show me the form and that was it. They also said to cut carbs and alcohol and to eat alot of protein.
So I listened. I wasnt a great runner and ever really ran more than 1 mile per day. (Maybe because it sucks counting 16 laps at Ballys to get to that mile.) Every morning was a shake, every lunch was a salad and every dinner was 1 chicken breast, 1 cup of brown rice and some vegetables. Thats it. Every single day, all winter long.
5 months later, 225lbs.
I dont think it was that hard because I wanted it so bad. It's all I wanted. Nothing could distract me.
I remember weighing in every week and thinking "Damn, 5 lbs this week!" I remember when I dropped under 275, then 250, then 240... then things slowed down but I stayed with it and got there.
I never even knew the guys names that stopped me and told me "run." I would see them everyday and they would watch me, but I kept my headphones in and just worked (plus I was shy and I dont think they wanted to bother me.) Thinking about it now, its probably why i say some of the things I say. Maybe why I train how I train. I learned firsthand why cardio is so important... actually why running is even more important. Can it be done without running? Yes. Could I have? I'm not sure. Everyone I train, I say "Get a pair of running shoes," or "That treadmill is our goal, so get comfy with it asap."
If you're reading this and wondering "Can I lose 40lbs?" Absolutely, you can. I know you can. But its not easy. It takes sacrifice and discipline. And I'm even throwing myself in the equation and not as a trainer. I let things slip late in 2011 and I'm back at it hard right now. Im back to shooting for 225 and I know i'll get there. I'm back to that mind set of nothing stopping me. And I know I have to run and I have to be disciplined and I'll have to sacrifice.
Its not a mood. Its a life decision. I think thats the difference. I think people get into a mood where they think "Jeez, I need to lose 15lbs. I feel chubby," or anything really. "Jeez I need to improve (fill in the blank)." But that mood fades and then it's gone. When you make a decision and commit to yourself... then thats it. It's happening.
Every say "I'm going to (fill in the blank)." Did you do it? Did you commit to it? What happened? Success or failure?
Another season is coming... the weather is getting warmer and soon it'll come and go all over again. Will you be sitting in that same seat in one year wishing you did something different?
I think the question and answer help develop a communication line. In coaching, it's always been important to me that the players know and understand the thought process behind everything. I also feel it's important that they trust the "coach," could play. That he knows how to compete and has an intensity. On the flip side, when talking to high school kids about larger issues that surround them in the classroom, at home or with friends, I think it helps having an element of "yeah, I've also been there." I never knew if my coach was all-state or played big college ball, but I could see it in his eyes, he knew what it took to make us great. So again, in the questions asked above, I feel that the answer is a definition that says "Yes, I've been on the same path you're on and actually still working that path."
I might have been 22 or 23 years old and somehow gained a considerable amount of weight after high school. I think it was partially due to alcohol, maybe some depression and general lack of activity. I remember going to find a pair of jeans at the mall and literally couldnt find a decent pair. I had an event to attend and needed something new to wear and because I couldnt find clothes to fit, I didnt go to the event and missed out on an opportunity. I weighed around 315 lbs.
I very clearly remember the following weeks. I remember being very angry with myself and i'm not even sure if 315 sunk in. At the time, my issue was being too big for the clothes I wanted. So I decided to join Ballys.
I had some workout experience from high school but not much. Ironically, I was never really into the weight room. No clue why. I think I was lazy and complacent. I was one of the those dumb kids I now bitch at... kind of a big fish in a small pond. I knew I'd start on Friday nights without the weight room so I didnt care... which was a very large mistake. So I pulled some generic workouts out of a magazine and started my training. Monday was chest, Tuesday legs, blha blah blah boring workout. I remember my cardio was very, very lame. I thought I could hop on an elliptical for 20 minutes and think I was burning "x" amount of calories and be great. I would swim maybe twice per week as well.
One day two guys came up to me who were in very good shape, turns out they were Marines. One asked what I was trying to do and and I told him "lose 80lbs." He asked to see my workout routine and I handed him my notebook. He said "I'll give this back to you tomorrow. Til then, run. Just run. Dont try to be cute and mix in all these toys, go buy new shoes and just run." The next day, I came in and he handed me my notebook back with 7 new routines. He told me rotate through and run every day. They took me through the workout a couple times to show me the form and that was it. They also said to cut carbs and alcohol and to eat alot of protein.
So I listened. I wasnt a great runner and ever really ran more than 1 mile per day. (Maybe because it sucks counting 16 laps at Ballys to get to that mile.) Every morning was a shake, every lunch was a salad and every dinner was 1 chicken breast, 1 cup of brown rice and some vegetables. Thats it. Every single day, all winter long.
5 months later, 225lbs.
I dont think it was that hard because I wanted it so bad. It's all I wanted. Nothing could distract me.
I remember weighing in every week and thinking "Damn, 5 lbs this week!" I remember when I dropped under 275, then 250, then 240... then things slowed down but I stayed with it and got there.
I never even knew the guys names that stopped me and told me "run." I would see them everyday and they would watch me, but I kept my headphones in and just worked (plus I was shy and I dont think they wanted to bother me.) Thinking about it now, its probably why i say some of the things I say. Maybe why I train how I train. I learned firsthand why cardio is so important... actually why running is even more important. Can it be done without running? Yes. Could I have? I'm not sure. Everyone I train, I say "Get a pair of running shoes," or "That treadmill is our goal, so get comfy with it asap."
If you're reading this and wondering "Can I lose 40lbs?" Absolutely, you can. I know you can. But its not easy. It takes sacrifice and discipline. And I'm even throwing myself in the equation and not as a trainer. I let things slip late in 2011 and I'm back at it hard right now. Im back to shooting for 225 and I know i'll get there. I'm back to that mind set of nothing stopping me. And I know I have to run and I have to be disciplined and I'll have to sacrifice.
Its not a mood. Its a life decision. I think thats the difference. I think people get into a mood where they think "Jeez, I need to lose 15lbs. I feel chubby," or anything really. "Jeez I need to improve (fill in the blank)." But that mood fades and then it's gone. When you make a decision and commit to yourself... then thats it. It's happening.
Every say "I'm going to (fill in the blank)." Did you do it? Did you commit to it? What happened? Success or failure?
Another season is coming... the weather is getting warmer and soon it'll come and go all over again. Will you be sitting in that same seat in one year wishing you did something different?
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Eastside (Blue Chip Stamp)
I referenced a couple times "Andy and I have been fortunate to play under or train with great coaches who were able to install certain attributes..." Install might not have been to most fitting word, at least not with Andy. I have a feeling he was born with the fire the displays now. I think it was always there, he just had coaches (or role models), that may have helped him find comfort level in displaying it. So it didnt need to be installed, just ignited. There isnt a thing he touches that he doesnt have the intent of making it great. Better than great.
Tonight we finished the winter training with Eastside Volleyball and this past weekend, we knew we wanted to have some things to talk to the girls about at the last workout. Again, our coaches found ways to motivate and we both still hear their voices. If there was one thing we said that help even one girl find a way through a situation, job done.
One consistent topic was work ethic. This past Sunday I saw Larry Bird talk about the difference between LeBron and Kobe. He said "If you want to have fun, play with LeBron. If you want to win, play with Kobe." The interviewer asked why. "Work ethic," was all Larry said. It's the intense, borderline obsessive drive to be the best at everything you touch. Sports, training, school, life. Shoot for the stars. I know it sounds cliche' but you have to. You cannot go into any situation thinking "Oh, well #2 would be cool." No. #1 is the only thing in mind and anything less is unacceptable. #1 is it. Train to be #1, practice to be #1, study to be #1 in your class. Go hard every moment of everyday.
I cant get into everything we talked about... we talked about alot. But tonight there were a few points that somehow came out that I hope hit home. I said "I couldnt tell if this was one of those bitter-sweet moments or not..." and its not. I'm not happy the training has ended... not at all. I love training this group, Andy does the same. But I also feel like "hey, we put in some hard work, harder than any group they'll play against... time to get some trophies!" I really feel excited now. I cant wait to watch them play! I fell like they've been through the ringer and now its time to reap the benefits of the hard work... so I'm not feeling bitter-sweet (maybe a little... i couldve talked all night tonight) and I'm not sad it ended. I'm happy it happened and pumped to watch those girls go out to their tourneys and win.
The other point I brought up to the 17-18 year old group was actually off-topic from training and volleyball. It was more of a life thing. I heard a coach mention it once maybe 10 years ago and wanted to give it my own spin. I said "Ever hear someone go on and on about 'the good ole' days? About how 'Oh everything was awesome in 1999!' and stuff like that? That sounds so loser to me." I told them yeah, these days your going through now are great and you will look back on them with fondness... but its not your highlight. These are not your 'good old days.' Every year is your highlight year. Every year is a 'good ole day.' Make sense? You will be great and better at every stage of your life! Great high school careers, great in college, great jobs, great friends and great lives. Believe in yourself with all your heart. Even when the chips look down, dig deep and believe. Remember, work hard and you can accomplish absolutely anything.
I look at them... Andy and I watch them during our downtime. I see strength and confidence that I dont see in many other places. I do not see any fear in their eyes. I see excitement and energy and enthusiasm. We asked a football team to challenge each others heart and dedication and asked "who would you go to war with?" I 'm sitting here asking myself that question in regards to these girls.... any one of them. They are tough as nails and they dont back down from a challenge. Full of heart and passion. Leaders and role models. These "kids," are amazing... barely kids really. Kids now have so much more to deal with than we did, we all know that. They have to be stronger now... the world is different. The girls that Andy and I have had to pleasure to train over the last few months... hands down amazing and I cant wait to see who they become down the road.
Parents, congratulations. You have amazing daughters.
Tonight we finished the winter training with Eastside Volleyball and this past weekend, we knew we wanted to have some things to talk to the girls about at the last workout. Again, our coaches found ways to motivate and we both still hear their voices. If there was one thing we said that help even one girl find a way through a situation, job done.
One consistent topic was work ethic. This past Sunday I saw Larry Bird talk about the difference between LeBron and Kobe. He said "If you want to have fun, play with LeBron. If you want to win, play with Kobe." The interviewer asked why. "Work ethic," was all Larry said. It's the intense, borderline obsessive drive to be the best at everything you touch. Sports, training, school, life. Shoot for the stars. I know it sounds cliche' but you have to. You cannot go into any situation thinking "Oh, well #2 would be cool." No. #1 is the only thing in mind and anything less is unacceptable. #1 is it. Train to be #1, practice to be #1, study to be #1 in your class. Go hard every moment of everyday.
I cant get into everything we talked about... we talked about alot. But tonight there were a few points that somehow came out that I hope hit home. I said "I couldnt tell if this was one of those bitter-sweet moments or not..." and its not. I'm not happy the training has ended... not at all. I love training this group, Andy does the same. But I also feel like "hey, we put in some hard work, harder than any group they'll play against... time to get some trophies!" I really feel excited now. I cant wait to watch them play! I fell like they've been through the ringer and now its time to reap the benefits of the hard work... so I'm not feeling bitter-sweet (maybe a little... i couldve talked all night tonight) and I'm not sad it ended. I'm happy it happened and pumped to watch those girls go out to their tourneys and win.
The other point I brought up to the 17-18 year old group was actually off-topic from training and volleyball. It was more of a life thing. I heard a coach mention it once maybe 10 years ago and wanted to give it my own spin. I said "Ever hear someone go on and on about 'the good ole' days? About how 'Oh everything was awesome in 1999!' and stuff like that? That sounds so loser to me." I told them yeah, these days your going through now are great and you will look back on them with fondness... but its not your highlight. These are not your 'good old days.' Every year is your highlight year. Every year is a 'good ole day.' Make sense? You will be great and better at every stage of your life! Great high school careers, great in college, great jobs, great friends and great lives. Believe in yourself with all your heart. Even when the chips look down, dig deep and believe. Remember, work hard and you can accomplish absolutely anything.
I look at them... Andy and I watch them during our downtime. I see strength and confidence that I dont see in many other places. I do not see any fear in their eyes. I see excitement and energy and enthusiasm. We asked a football team to challenge each others heart and dedication and asked "who would you go to war with?" I 'm sitting here asking myself that question in regards to these girls.... any one of them. They are tough as nails and they dont back down from a challenge. Full of heart and passion. Leaders and role models. These "kids," are amazing... barely kids really. Kids now have so much more to deal with than we did, we all know that. They have to be stronger now... the world is different. The girls that Andy and I have had to pleasure to train over the last few months... hands down amazing and I cant wait to see who they become down the road.
Parents, congratulations. You have amazing daughters.
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