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Sunday, July 19, 2015

Burn Away My Mask - (Dear Asshole)

(I'm not clever... most of my titles are Lines of Pearl Jam songs)

I wouldn't say it was an accident, but it wasn't intentional... it was just a natural course of logic and common sense (or as I interpret it).  
I've made references to a bit and even the title of the actual blog site (@homebehindthesun)... but clearly, I prefer to write in codes and innuendos.
I just see things really different from most, for a really different reason and its isolating.

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I've had this pain in my throat for a couple weeks and all along I kept thinking "ugh, damn sore throat!" But it hit me today, its not a sore throat, its my throat chakra!  I have a blockage.  Would verbal ex-lax be an appropriate analogy? 
Lets see if this clears it up... 

Dear Asshole still flying a confederate flag,
Before I recognize it as anything else, I truly understand that it (that flag) represents a lack of intelligence, so I'll type at a 1st grade level (no offense to my 1st grade readers).
You said that flag represents your "forefathers."  Fair enough.   That being said, you should probably know that your forefathers were a group of violent racists who often beat, raped and killed other human beings for no reason.  The flag doesn't represent them or freedom, it represents violence and death, the same way the Nazi symbol represents.
For your asshole nephew rolling around NE Ohio with it on his Ford pick-up, you may be an even bigger moron.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you know nothing, other than you think it represents your racist views and in putting it on your half faded blue, half rust ride, you're now a scaaary rebel!  oooooh.  
Ya.  You're scary.  Because it shows how far we still are.

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Dear Asshole who is so proud to be anti-gay you post some dumbass pro-white, pro-hetero, crap weekly,
I feel like you're related to the asshole above... do you know each other?  
"I dont mind dem queers, just as long as dey dont look at me," which I've heard countless times.  I actually love hearing that one and always reply the same way, "No worries there."  Noooot to be stereotypical, but I doubt this ones offensive, most gay people I've known have really great taste and standards.  So you really have nothing to be worried about.  Nearly every homophobic person I've ever met has been like... a 2-4?  So maybe they say this out of actual anger that they know they're not attractive enough to ever get hit on by a gay person?  Just a guess.

You're proud you're white.  You're proud you're married.  You're proud you have a job.  You're proud you're you...  Congratulations!  You won the lottery.  Seriously.  A lot of people arent that lucky to be born white and have an easier path.  You were probably never beat up for the color of your skin.  You were probably never beat for looking a certain way, dressing a certain way, or talking a certain way.  

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(good follow up)
Dear Asshole who says "everyone has a fair chance,"
Again, I feel like you're related to the two previous assholes.  
Ummm, no.  It's not a fair chance, there is no even playing field.  If you're gay, black, female, mexican, disabled, or part of any minority group, its not even.  Even for sports, its not even.  Nothings even.  
Genetics are not even.  Opportunities are not even.  Our environments are not even.  We do not all get the same chances.   
So it is not a "fair chance," and yes the table is tilted towards particular groups and away from others.  Some are walking down hill their entire life and others are always climbing.  
So before you criticize government programs or changes in law, make sure you don't ever find yourself in a position to be asking for help or a "hand out."

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Dear Asshole who says "Black history month?  Whens white history month!?"
The other 11 months.  sshh

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Dear Asshole who runs from lane 2 to lane 4 when it opens up even though you were last in lane 2 and the cashier said "whoevers next please step over,"
I want you to know that I daydream about kicking your cart over as you make your move and cut everyone off.  Then I stare at you, praying you look over so I can shake my head in disappointment and disgust. 
(true)

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Dear Asshole that stops calling friends over political or social beliefs,
ummm, buh bye.  
To the person who lost the asshole friend,
You'll be fine, they were flaky and weren't real friends anyway.  

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(just had this argument last week)
When going to a wedding, you are supposed to pay for your dinner AND THEN a gift.  Its courtesy and should be common knowledge.

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More tips for assholes:

Tip people on take out.
Don't look at your phone while people are talking.
Listen during conversations, don't just wait for your turn to talk.
Let people out of drive ways without speeding up and pressuring them to haul ass.
Do not dodge personal responsibility... for anything.  
Do not act like the expert, unless you actually are thee expert.  
Don't push your beliefs on other people...

wait a sec... was that one at me??  you son of a... how dare you?!?  

Guilty?

Then don't ask my opinion.

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“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.”