Anyway, I wrote something in the last blog about the natural high and its been rattling around my brain since. The "how did it get there?" part. Why do little things excite the hell out of me? Literally... My heart rate accelerates when I witness something unique, no matter how irrelevant someone may find it... I cant tell, I've never asked anyone. Lately, the sky and clouds have amazed me every single morning. Those I'm friends with on instagram have seen nearly every skyline I've passed over the last month.
That might be why I love working with, training and coaching kids... they're still pretty un-rattled with the daily stresses that absorb us. They have stress, absolutely, but they also still have a sense of innocence, no matter how tough and big some try to to act. I see the truth.
So I wrote a blog that I probably wont publish. I tried to sit down and detail the events of my life that probably helped shape this "high," mentality. I tried to write about all the music and why its important. I tried to write about all the friends I've had and the relationships and the how's and why's of it all. I tried to write about the books I've read and how I found them and what they did to me...
But none of it seemed to bring it into focus.
Then I reread, "Tick, tick, tick."
Then I reread, "when you want to succeed," and "Public Enemy #1"
And a few other old ones and it became clear. First thing i thought was "Jeez, I really wrote some things that I used to be real shy to say out loud." Second thing I thought was "I was pretty fired up," and I can feel that same passion in re-reading those.
Tick, Tick, Tick, probably captures it best as to the why behind my "high," and the life and the music and books and people I've known all helped shape it and bring it out.
I've accepted the clock, I always have. I accept it and acknowledge it every day, in everything I do. Literally. I think all the Zen type books and Buddhism helped me settle down a bit but Scarlett says all the time, "You just do things different, you're able to flip switches and go." I feel a deep sense of urgency to accomplish my goal list (I have two goal lists that I take pretty seriously). Its very important to me. I think I have time... but I don't take a single moment for granted. Not one. I mean that. Every single day, I acknowledge the possibility of the end of every situation.
Every conversation I have, at some point i think "Say it... this could be the last conversation."
Every class I teach, I need to walk and calm down because at some point on the way I think, "this could be the last class."
Everything I do, I acknowledge this could be the last...
run
talk
ride
question
answer
practice
game
kiss
moment
day
hug
smile
song
touch...
Its a desperate mindset in a way, but it really helps to force you to look around and pay attention to things you may take for granted.
I struggle w being around people or situations that act like "there's always tomorrow." I just can't see it that way... That type of thinking feels lazy, complacent and will inevitably lose at life. People who "wait til tomorrow," eventually run out of tomorrow's and are left w emptiness and regret, having experienced very little.
I want everyday to have incredible highlights and memories... People think its unrealistic... I think they're boring people.
My memory for heartfelt conversations is incredible and I haven't forgotten anything. I have a fire inside that's burning from conversations and moments that date back to when I was too young to know how I old I was. Trust me. Not a bad, angry fire and not an entirely pleasant one... but an honest one.
There are people counting on me that I cannot let down... I wont let it happen. I see the clock in the distance and there absolutely no time to waste.
So the high... I know full well with all my heart, this is all a great gift. Everything is. I post things about loving my job and the people in my life... not for show :) I truly see all of this as a gift. Our days, our moments, our talks, our texts, our laughs and things we share. This life is incredible. Truly.
I didn't think Id reference music here but I wrote something above that forced a damn guitar riff into my head and I've been humming it since I wrote this line.
I don't take it personal that only 3 people will click the video but this song has been my running song since, ohhhhh, 1992 ish. Its my alarm clock, its my centering song and brings it all into perspective and I could talk about it for hours.
http://youtu.be/wtrnJS0wcLg
These blogs would be so much better in conversation around a bonfire :)
My memory for heartfelt conversations is incredible and I haven't forgotten anything. I have a fire inside that's burning from conversations and moments that date back to when I was too young to know how I old I was. Trust me. Not a bad, angry fire and not an entirely pleasant one... but an honest one.
There are people counting on me that I cannot let down... I wont let it happen. I see the clock in the distance and there absolutely no time to waste.
So the high... I know full well with all my heart, this is all a great gift. Everything is. I post things about loving my job and the people in my life... not for show :) I truly see all of this as a gift. Our days, our moments, our talks, our texts, our laughs and things we share. This life is incredible. Truly.
I didn't think Id reference music here but I wrote something above that forced a damn guitar riff into my head and I've been humming it since I wrote this line.
I don't take it personal that only 3 people will click the video but this song has been my running song since, ohhhhh, 1992 ish. Its my alarm clock, its my centering song and brings it all into perspective and I could talk about it for hours.
"porch"
http://youtu.be/wtrnJS0wcLg
These blogs would be so much better in conversation around a bonfire :)
